Butterfly's Birthday

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Wednesday, 25 November 2009


* hospital
I was debating between hospitals T and L (previous post) with a tendency towards L. There is now a new hospital that came into the picture, one that I wasn't aware of - M, and I think I am really liking this option! Though they do not have a natural birth centre like L has, I hear they are very easy going with natural births (unlike T which are very medically oriented, i.e they will let you have a natural birth [and pay a very high sum for their natural birth centre], but on the smallest thing they will stop that and have you continue with a doctor). The big advantage, actually is their location - they are so much nearer than L. Oh, and the price, as it won't be in a natural birth centre (since they don't have one..), but in the "normal" delivery room, it will be without cost. A huge sigh of relief from someone whose finances are not the greatest.
If I do go with M, I think I will go with whatever midwife is on call, and find a doula (previously I thought I'd go without one).
Yes, I think I am liking this option very much now, and I think I can calm down with the where question. I know I am very early, but I really want to have a good birth. Now I sit and wait till about week 32 when I'll do the tours.

* pregnancy yoga
Pregnancy yoga was something I was thinking of doing in the early days of trying, but somehow kind of forgot about it. Reading the book "Active Birth" and seeing how it could be very good and useful for the birth itself, I am very much thinking of it again.
I discovered that my little (or shall I say - very little) town has a yoga place, and that they have pregnancy yoga! Or at least that's what they say on the web site. I hope they do have and that the hours are good for me. If not, well, I'll go some place else, it just could be so convenient. [note to self - phone and find out tomorrow! It is probably a good time now to start doing the yoga]

* stairs
Since I really do not like lifts (am kind of claustrophobic), I have my three floor rule - up till the third floor I use the stairs, beyond that I use the lift. As I am so not fit and hardly do any physical activity, I do see it as at least doing something.. Though I really do not like the idea of being closed in a lift, most lifts are bearable, but there is this one lift I pass - an old and very small one in a building where a pupil of mine lives. And she lives on the sixth floor! And while I don't run it or the likes, up till not long ago it wasn't too bad. But it is now starting to get a little bit difficult, and I am wondering when I will have to give in and use the lift.

* tummy
None yet. Well actually there is something, but not anymore than the big belly I had before (before last attempt I actually did lose some weight, and my tummy did go down, so now it's "back" to what it was). My trousers still fit me fine, not even tight on me.. Yes, maybe it is still early (week 14. think I'm gonna find me a ticker :-)), and checking back every day doesn't make it grow faster (a watched pot...), but people complaining how so early they couldn't hide being pregnant, and reading (I think it was in week 8!) how my trousers should start being tight on me.. And you know, I'm not too sure if I want to be showing. I mean on one hand I want very much, for me (as it is still too early to feel her, let me at least have some physical evidence of her existence..) and for others (yes, I want people around me to see and know..). On the other hand.. don't know if I'm ready for the world to know, and then there will be the need to buy maternity clothes.

* name
The day of the NT (when I found out I'm having a girl), I was asked if I'm thinking of her as *&^% [insert girl's name]. Well it was too early back then, but I am beginning now..
Anyway I did (and might still) have a problem with her name, as it is too similar to a member of my family.
Before I continue, a small explanations about my chosen names: As I posted a while back, it was important for me to have some kind of connection to both my mother's and father's side, as this child won't have another side of his/her family. I had a boy's name that was made of a first name I loved, and a second name that happened to fit both my parent's sides. As for a girl, I had a first name I really liked which happens to be of importance in my father's side, and a second name from my mother's side.But as I said, this name (first and second) are just too close to this other person. So I tried to come up with a new first name, but really couldn't find something I loved [and I do have a list of requirements..]. So the second name had to be changed, and I think I'll take "boy's" second name (and declare that first name is just out of love for that name..). Problem that now arises is that now it is exactly the same name (though reversed - 1st name is 2nd and 2nd is 1st) of person whose second name she will carry (the one from my father's side). Not too sure how I feel about that (and really not keen on finding a new second name).

* television
[sorry this is becoming a long post, that's how it goes when you don't post for too long but do have things bubbling up. lol]
When I worked as a nanny, after seeing how the kids were glued to the TV and didn't even notice their parents leave, I came to a decision that I do not want this with my kids. I would very much like to avoid TV as much as possible till about the age of two (not that I will go wild then, but I really don't like the concept of a little baby watching TV). As a first step, I took out my TV set I had and gave it to my mum. But well, not so easy to stop watching.. so I watch at my mum's place. Now not as often as I would had the TV been here, and on the TV I gave her which is not connected to cables so has only 2 stations, but still.. Anyway as personal example is important, I do have to get used to no TV at all! So, the decision was made that beginning of week 14 (wanted to say - second trimester, but actually not sure if I have began it or if it's next week..) I am only allowed one programme a week.. Hope I manage to keep up with this :-).

Sunday, 15 November 2009

hospitals.. midwives..

Yes, I know I have plenty of time, but then again :-)

Personally I would love to have a home birth, but as that's not exactly a possibility (well, if I really really wanted to I guess I could, but well.. I guess I rather not get into that), a natural birth in a hospital is the next best thing.

3 hospitals - T, B & L.
T is the local hospital (in fact the one in which my sperm bank is located). It is a good big hospital with a very good reputation. They do have some kind of natural birth centre, but their orientation is medical, and very quickly and over any little thing will have you continue the birth with a doctor. That is something I do not want happening. Yes, it is a hospital and if something goes wrong, good that there are doctors around, but I would prefer not being rushed to the doctor on any little thing. So I am very much against giving birth there.
As for B, it is located a bit further (T is not more than a 15 minute drive) away, but still quite reasonably close. I think they do have some kind of natural birth centre, but not quite sure how they are about it. I think they are probably more or less like T - quick to send to the doctor.
So now we come to L. A little hospital, maybe not the best of names, but their natural centre... oh, such a good reputation! I am reading a lot, and it only has good recommendations. They go with you all the way on the natural thing, let you have the birth you want. Only problem is the distance - about an hour's drive. Oh, and their maternity ward (where I'll be after birth) is lousy! Obviously not a point in their favour, but o.k, I'll live with that, it's the distance that might be an issue.

Talked today to sister #1 who I want to be with me during the birth, and she told me how there was this hospital she was planning to go to when giving birth to her daughter, and how the water broke so she ended up going to the nearest one (T) and how she was very pleased.
And I don't know.. I very much want to give birth in L, but what happens if I make all these plans and end up rushed to whatever hospital.
The thing is what I know is from reading and all, not from actually seeing the place(s). I have plenty plenty plenty of time until I do the hospital tours, and only much later (with confirmation that all is well and I can have a natural birth, and the size of the baby and all), will I be able to register to the natural health centre.

But then there is the midwife issue. I do not want a Douala in my birth. Don't know, I just don't fancy some strange woman in my most private and intimate moments so called there for me. But I do want to give birth with a midwife, one whose orientation is natural births (and hopefully no doctor!). I understand that I can just go with the natural centre, and whatever midwife is on call will be with me, or pay for a private midwife (let me just add that giving birth at a natural birth centre is also not free and not exactly cheap, whereas just giving birth in a hospital doesn't cost). Going with whoever is on duty is a big gamble, as I understand all midwifes do rounds also in the natural centre, so I could end up with really anyone. So I prefer paying and knowing I can be calm about that. Now there are a few who are very much recommended, one in particular, but not sure how far ahead I should book her. I think now should be a good time to try (I think better being early than late and hearing she's fully booked. In fact the one with all those recommendations, I heard she doesn't take anymore new patients, but then today I heard that due to some personal issues she is not taking new patients in the near future, so maybe I'll be able to have her..). But I have so many questions, like what if baby ends up with in a breech position which will mean no natural birth, or if she's too big etc. At the hospital I can only register from about week 32 (or something like that), so I'm calm about that. But not sure how it goes with a midwife and if I want to ensure she will be with me at the birth and all.. And this midwife with all the recommendations, well how do I know she is the one for me? Besides her knowing her work and all and a good chemistry between us, what am I looking for in her? And I haven't yet read the book "active birth" which I really want to (in fact, haven't yet bought it), so I feel like if I schedule an appointment now, it will still be a bit early knowledge wise (I would like to come to the meeting knowing a bit more..). But then again, if the good midwifes are snatched, I prefer being an early bird here.
A bit early for Perfect Monday.. Oh well, I'll do the linking later on. Actually wanted to write this post last week, but I was so damn tired! (and trying to catch up on blog reading. almost there :-) )

I Capture
Perfect Moments

I think it was towards the end of last year when my sister asked if I would teach her son English (which is what I do for a living..). Well, of course, I would love to! The kid said yes, and we tried setting an example lesson so he gets an idea, except every time we tried, he wasn't willing to. So we let go.

Then this year me and my mother pick him up from kindergarten, and what a change! This is a boy who was very dependent on his mother and really didn't like to be far from her. Let alone come over to us.

A little detour for an explanation.. I live in a separate unit in my mum's house (though I probably spend too much time at her place..), and my sister's house is right next door. One goes out of sister's back door and into my mother's garden - very easy and safe to go from one house to the other.

So he would come to us a lot with his mother (who comes a lot), but never on his own, and never stays if she has to go. And this year we do the picking up and bringing him home to the nanny (end of kindergarten is usually baby sister's nap time..), and it is so wonderful and amazing to see the change. Yes, maybe he is growing a bit older, but I'm sure it's a lot to do with this new bonding we have with him. He now comes over freely to my mother's house whenever he feels like it, stays and all. One day, as I was still in the street, I heard him calling out my name again and again and again, wanting to come in.. too funny!

And then he came up to me and asked me to teach him English! Don't think his mother talked to him about it, I definitely dropped the subject, so it was kind of out of the blue. His mother does speak (or tries to speak) in English to his little sister, and he does have a game of some kind teaching En, and we do speak it with our mother, so it's not a strange concept for him, but still..

So last week we had our first lesson. Was so funny how he straightened his back when the lesson began, looking so serious! I'm keeping the lessons short, so as not to overwhelm him, with a plan of gradually increasing (not something I can do with my regular pupils :-) ). Anyway, later that day, he came up to me with a few books - some kind of sticker-workbook which he said he'll teach me; a workbook in Hebrew (doing letters) which he asked me to teach him (no! I rather not confuse English and Hebrew lessons. That is something you can do with your nanny or mother..); and a nursery rhyme book he wanted me to use for the lesson (which at first I said no, but you know what, if it gives him pleasure, I can read a rhyme he choose every lesson, and give him the general idea [but boy, trying to translate them is not easy!]). Like he discovered this new world of me.. And just a few minutes ago he came up to me, proudly telling me that he knows some words in English (cow, dog and cat, if you must..), so I don't need to teach him those words. That was so funny!

And now, please go over to Lori's blog to see other perfect moments!

Thursday, 12 November 2009

The NT Scan

Well, I'll start with the great news - excellent results! Both nose bone and NT.

A little word to Birdy - as much as I enjoy seeing you, and can't take my eyes off you and would love to be there the whole day, when the dr. tries to turn you around, oh please do turn! Don't think my bladder could have taken much more poking from the dildo cam. lol. But yeah, you're stubborn like you're mother..


Birdy's a girly!!!!!

As he explained to me, that thing sticking out between the feet - at this stage both boys and girls have it, but whereas with boys it is at some kind of angle, with girls it is parallel to the butt, or something like that. He did say it is not 100%, but 80% sounds good enough to me!
Oh, I am so happy to be having a girl. All the way home I had such a smile on my face, which switched to crying out of excitment.
I am having a girl!


Later on today I'll be having the NT scan. Sister #3 said that with all of her kids (3) that's when she was told the gender, so maybe today I'll know.. I'm not having my hopes high and I know if and whatever they see won't be final because it is still early, but still..

So, boy.. girl.. boy.. girl... what do the cards hold for me? And does it matter if it's a boy or a girl? Read the other day a post by Calliope about this company advertising toys as either boys' (pages or blue and only boys are featured playing) or girls' (pink and only girls get to play with these toys). I think that it's very sad how we push a gender role into our kids at such an early age. I have a nephew whose mother weened him from his sheep(s) because while o.k for a baby, was not o.k for a boy (my boy playing with dolls!?) and a niece who when father came with a gift helmet for brother and also wanted, was told it's not for girls and he'll get her something else (a doll??) and another nephew (a baby) who is always dressed in blue, etc.. I so don't believe in that kind of behaviour. I believe in giving both boys and girls the chance to play with dolls and trucks and wear pink and red and blue and mauve. I think it can only enhance their experience, make their lives more fuller. Yes, if my boy chooses he doesn't want to play with dolls, that's fine with me, as long as it is a choice that came from him (or her, of course..) and not because what society dictates.

As for this child growing in me, he must be a boy! I mean with a name like Birdy.. I didn't choose this name thinking of gender, but in the aftermath it sounds very masculine to me. Even my sister (without me saying a thing) mentioned that Birdy must be a boy. The main reason why I actually would rather not to have a boy, is that cutting business at 8 days. I think I rather not have a Brit, but not completely sure how I feel about it, but I don't feel like I really have a choice in the matter. If I want and will need help (and I'm sure I will), I cannot not have this ceremony. I once, on an old blog way before I was actually thinking of becoming an SMC, posted about the pros and cons of such an act. I saw it as a three way question - religious, health and social. As for as health, from the little I read I saw it went both ways. Religious was (is) the point that actually annoys me as it means only males are truly Jewish.. couldn't they choose to have an ear pierced or something that would enable women to be part too?? And then there's the social side. A big one here in a Jewish state where the vast majority of males are circumcised. And writing that post back then, not even saying I'm against, just mentioning that maybe not, I was so shocked by the comments I got. People who religion means nothing really to them, were saying how can I do this to a child..
I am also scared, with a boy, into falling into this place where he has to be strong and the man of the house and all. I am thinking less of baby/child-hood, and more as a young adult. Frightened that he will feel the need to protect his mother, because, well, he's the man..

A boy?? You kidding me!? I mean she is a girl for sure! Just look at her due date, three days after my birthday. My birthday is 5 days before my mother's, and while my mother always loved this, for me it always seemed too close. While I never did or didn't cycle according to the supposed due date, I kept saying to myself how I don't want to give birth at around my birthday.. let my child have their own independent day. So if the EDD is that close to my birthday, she must be a girl! (a boy, being a boy will have his difference, whereas as two women..)
On the positive side, I always thought that first daughter's and mum's have such a great relationship! I know now I was mistaken, but growing up I always envied my eldest sister for the relation she had with my mother. In my eyes they seemed so close and I so wanted to have that closeness with my mother.
But then again.. there's the name I chose. Her name is too similar to another member of the family. I like the name I chose, and I will (probably) go with it, but I don't think I like it being so similar. Oh well, the first name just happens to be alike and the second name will be after the same person. And then there's my daughter being a teenager, or maybe a bit older (much older, I hope!), asking me about my sex life and all the boy girl stuff, and what do I tell her... I mean if my boy asks for advice about how to be with a girl, I think I'll be more at ease with answering, but a girl asking for boy tips!?

And the wanting to know.. for many years I was very much in the - let me be surprised at birth. Lately I feel I have to know, because if it's a boy, I have to at least mentally prepare myself for the Brit. But then I was asked the other day if I want to know, and you know what, regardless of Brit or no Brit, yes, I do want to know. I do want to be happy and thrilled about having a girl or a boy, I do want this early bonding with my child. And yes, I will be overjoyed with whatever I have!

Saturday, 7 November 2009


Fears. This weekend two fears became strong. Neither of them is new, but while up till not so long ago I was focusing on trying to become pregnant (and then a few weeks for it to seep in. to tell the truth, I still find it hard to believe..) and could put them in the back of my mind as something to deal with later, I am now "free" to face them. The birth and becoming a mother.

Friday, long last sister #6 brought the pregnancy books I asked for. Well actually it was mainly one book, some interesting leaflets about breastfeeding and other stuff and a book or two about child raising. Funny thing actually as this book about pregnancy is a book I once gave her (and completely forgot about), a book which I found one day thrown in the street.. Anyway this book.. flicking through it, I come to the chapter about child delivery. Now I think I do know quite a bit about it (read birth stories on blogs, watched those hospital realities in the delivery room, heard birth stories from women around me, etc). Yes, I'm sure I have plenty to learn, now that it's real, and my knowledge is still a third person's impression, but my point is that it's not that glancing at that chapter made me realise giving birth is no picnic, and the birth was always something that kind of scared me. But now it's feeling like I do not have a choice - I have this child growing in me, and whether I like it or not, this child will need to come out :-). Paradox probably as my dream delivery is a natural one, without an epidural and all, and definitely not a c-section. I want to have that kind of birth (and should start reading the book - active birth, the bible, as I understand, for natural births..), and I fear it (actually I fear an epidural birth more..).

Becoming a mother. Being a mother. Gosh, I feel so not ready for this, but like I will never be. I know I have nine moths to get ready and all (shhh... please don't tell me less two months (-; ), but how does one make that switch? How does one turn into a parent? I want to be a mother more than anything, but oh my, it is a scary transition. Hearing sisters #3 & #6 talking about their little ones, I just felt so not ready for this. Not that it would make a difference if I got pregnant in 6 months time, a year, 6 years, or whenever. As I said, feels like I will never be ready to become a mother.

First storm and I'm out of Internet for a week.. Actually, I now know it was an easy fix, but I waited a week for my brother in law. Anyway, I am so behind on my blog reading. I will catch up, but it will probably take me some time :-).

Sunday, 1 November 2009


Run into this questionnaire that is supposed to calculate my projected life span. O.K, just for the fun of it, I decided to do it, I mean how can a questionnaire determine how long I am to live??
Since I do not smoke or drink and I think I eat more or less healthy and I am a very healthy person, add to that not too many major illnesses/conditions in family, I did expect a nice figure. Last time I did such a questionnaire, I got years deducted because of grandparents not living too long [though my two grandmothers died in car accidents, nothing related to health issues], so maybe not an astonishing 90 or 80, but surely at least 70!
I so didn't expect to see
I just had to laugh at this. Trying to figure if it's because I'm short or refused to answer the income question, or maybe not answering the sex question. No, must have been all those car questions I couldn't answer (no, don't know if "my driver" is usually male or female, as I usually take the bus for the same matter, I don't know his/her age etc..).
So, 4.5 years they are giving me!

Talking about 4.5 years... Let me tell you about this conversation I had with my nephew today [he's 4.5.. ]:

L: I make my mother carrot juice every Friday and Saturday! [Every Fri-Sat!? He sometimes helps GM make, as we (my mother, his mother and me love fresh carrot juice)]
me: Very nice of you :-).
L: Grandma has the machine and we have the carrots.
me: O.K..
L: So I'll go and get the carrots [we were at my mother's house, he is a neighbour, and lately he comes and goes freely. One of the advantages of picking him up (me once a week, my mother 4 times). It is nice that he feels free to come whenever he wants]
me: But it's Sunday today! [really not in the mood of making a mess (well of cleaning up the mess), and it's not like he really likes carrot juice]
L: Yes, it's on Sunday's and Friday's that I make my mother carrot juice.
me: hmmmm...
L: I'll make carrot juice for my mum!
me: But she won't be home from work until later.. [you might have switched the days, but you're not going to zap your mother home from work..]
L: So I'll make carrot juice for P and E (=nanny and little sister).
- there was probably something here about whether they like/want -
me: O.K, but I have to go, so go tell P (the nanny) if she wants to make some carrot juice, to come over. [knowing she won't..]

So tell me - who is the more stubborn one? [I probably won on technicality, being the older one..]