Butterfly's Birthday

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Sunday, 18 November 2012

I didn't really know her.... and more

  • I didn't really know her. I was away for the first lesson (business of T42..) so I only got to see her on our second lesson. It was a Wednesday. At first (as in the break, before the lesson began) a young guy came and started to arrange his things, and I thought how nice that a guy and young :-). Then the lesson began and she was brought in on a wheel chair with oxegen tubes (or what it's called) in her nose and it seems that they teach this course together. And compared to other theoretical lessons , it was nice! She was there slowing him down, directing him, because obviously she had quite a lot of experiences teaching while he not at all or not so much. The next Wednesday she didn't come, and oohh he is a nice and brilliant guy, but he doesn't so much know to teach. I went out of his lesson asking myself, what on earth was his point, what was he trying to say.. but my point is that while she didn't come, I heard she asked about us, about how he lesson went (and let me remind you this was just the third lesson, it's not like she knew us already and cared for us and all). She passed away sometime in that weekend. Obviously they began this course together because it was known that her days are numbered, but I am in complete owe of this woman. To come to teach like nothing when you are terminally ill. Besides being really saddened by her death, I am sorry I didn't get to know her more.

  • Studying. It's nice that we are more or less a small group (more or less because some students go to this course and/or will do that course next year/have done it,. etc), but it's not easy, mainly because there is all the time a lot of homework, and gosh, when can I do it??? I barely have time - Mon & Wed, the days that I learn, I am too exhausted at the end of the day. Sun & Tues I do some, but I also work and also have to take care of Butterfly when I'm not working, so it's very limited and mainly at night. Thurs morning is dedicated for B (and later I work). Which leaves me Fri & Sat to do my homework. Two whole days, that should be enough, no? Oh, have I neglected to mention having a toddler on board? And my status as single mum? So I do manage to get something in the weekend, but hardly enough.. And this teacher wants us to listen to Obama's victory speech and prepare ourselves to interpret it (it is actually great how he speaks slowly!!) and oh my! I managed to listen to it today, that is half way through I had to pour daughter some soup and then clean up the bowl that tipped over and... And I am not keen on listening to anything once she is sleeping. Oh well, will have to find a way round that.

  • Had a doctors appointment. I am waiting for CD1 to begin ( I am now almost midway). I am to start injecting a suppression from day ! (last cycle it was by the nose and from day 21 of previous cycle and obviously a different med, so hope this does a better job..). Another thing that we are doing different is we are going to try and do a hatching - when they make a small hole in the embryo to help it. I am not so liking it, but if that's what brings me baby#2 then I'll be fine with it. If this cycle doesn't work, I might need to take a month or two off [money issues. I dare not complain because I know I am so much better off in that sense than many of you. But right now, with the studying and not being able to work 2 days, I am very tight. I have to pay my clinic a co-pay (which is annoying as I didn't have to pay at all three years ago when I had B) and if this cycle doesn't work I'll need to buy a new vial, and they have so upped their prices. URG.]

  • Bombs, shells etc (you know, your regular item when doing a bullet post....). Okay, sorry about that [though pan was NOT intended], I will first preface and say that while I'm probably not too far from where (some of) the missiles fall, I have been lucky to not have the siren go where I live [though my mother said she heard today the bang of a missile being redirected]. And I really rather not go into politics and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, not that I myself am too sure of how or why as I do not listen to news.. But I will just say, that it is scary. It's not the first time I have been in such a situation - about 20 years ago, in the gulf war, when Iraq was throwing missiles at us... the big difference is that then I was a twenty year old with no one dependent on me. Now? I have this little girl to care for, and I admit that I am somewhat scared (but then again so thankful that so far we are not in their aim).

  • Back to my studies (can't leave the post at that.. anyway this post is probably not long enough!! lol sorry if my posts are too long, they tend to be). I have to give a small talk on a subject of my choice but I need to have ten terms to translate. My first thought was IVF (plenty of terms there, and oh, it should be something close to me so I can talk about it and not read from my papers). But then, not too sure I want to share that [obviously I wouldn't be talking specifically about myself, but enough that that's my subject and I'm exposing the fact that I'm doing IVF]. So I thought of maybe talking about natural parenting (bedsharing, extended breastfeeding, etc). Problem #1 is that I can barely scrape 10 terms. #2 is that most of the terms either do not have a translation and we just say it in English in Hebrew or they are too obvious. The point of the exercise is for the class to practice interpreting (with the ten terms that they get in advance) but also to expand people's terms in all sorts of different subjects. Have to think about that, and maybe I'll ask the teacher..

Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs & Sat are okay by speller but Fri not??

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Beware - a Rant..

A mother rant to be exact. I can't say my mother doesn't help me, because yes, she does occasionally help me. But not as much as she makes the whole world think (and really, regardless of my status as a single mum, not enough as a grandmother). And many times when she does help, there is this big sigh of how she is doing for me. Many years ago we went together on a holiday to England. There we on a trip to Stafford on Avon and other towns. She did the driving because I don't drive, but other than that.. I paid my share and all. Anyway later when she told people about this trip, she would talk about taking Billy to... Yes, she is originally from England and has been there before, and yes technically she did the driving, but wouldn't it be more correct (and give your daughter a nicer feeling..) to say - we went together to... ? But of course it's not just the words, she totally feels she is doing for instead of doing with.
When I began T42 I was hoping she will help watch Butterfly when I do the monitoring as I need to be there early in the morning and it's two buses. I quickly understood that it's too big a price and gave up. So I drag my daughter early in the morning, I can do it.
Last cycle I also needed help with the tank. You see unlike where most of you readers live, we have to bring the sperm by ourselves, we don't have shipments etc. [and allow me to interfere in my story and tell you how whenever I read someone talking about a shipment, I always imagine this great big ship sailing around, I think mostly the desert, lol] so I have to go to the bank and take the sperm myself to the clinic. Added complication is that they want it done with their special tank (it used to be that you could bring your own thermos, but since there was once a case where it blew up or something when a lab technician opened it, they've, rightfully, stopped that), so I have to go to the clinic and pick up their tank, go to the sperm bank and then go back to the clinic. and well, doing it by buses (yeah, why would there be a direct bus between clinic and sperm bank??) not so easy. Doing it on the bus with a little toddler on board!? I am not superhuman! So I asked mum last cycle to help me here.Now you all have read it once (I presume), how unclear was it?? Because when I asked my mother for help she was going on how she doesn't understand. Gee that sure gave me a good feeling. Anyway she did help me but with a big poor me how much I am doing for you attitude.

This cycle..I ask her to take care of Butterfly while I see the doctor. I really try and not ask for her help, really! It might sound that I ask a lot from her, but besides asking her to help me with Butterfly during my appointments, I really don't ask her.

I know it's getting long (and I really should get back to my homework) but I have to mention my (married) sister and how my mother went every week all the way to her (and she doesn't live near) to babysit as they had to go out to save their marriage (true, they were having a bad time, but really, you have to go out??). Because why would my sister take a local sitter when my mother can come?? Do you want to know how many time my mother watched my daughter, since she was born, while I was out having a good time? Two that I can remember (but lets add a third one in case I forgot something) - a sister's birthday when we had only sisters for breakfast (and I got a call asking when I will be back because she had to leave at a certain time, even though she knew I knew, just couldn't let me enjoy :-( ) and for a workshop my sister did. Okay, minirant over back to where I was..

Anyway I ask her to help me watch Butterfly while I go see the doctor. Her response? Well first why do I have to see a doctor in that far clinic? Couldn't I go and see a doctor who is nearer? WTF?? She then went on to grumbling about what is she going to do with Butterfly for five hours. Now lets ignore the 5 hours. I assume it could take me 3.5 - 4 hours tops, but lets go with her 5 hours. What will I do with Butterfly for five hours??? She is your GRANDAUGHTER! (And mind you, I do not expect you to do something special with her).One thing if she would have said - be back by such and such a time because I have to...... but what will I do with her!? I was somewhat insulted. And since I am really trying to cut down on the nanny (it's very hard financially right now with the studying and less work), I don't want to ask the nanny. So I will be dragging daughter to the appointment.
And then tonight something very small I asked her and her response.. well, you know what, I can do it all by myself. I will ask the nanny to help look after B while I do the tank and on the day of the retrieval (because obviously I can't be in charge of B while I'm under anesthesia..). For the rest I will just have to take B with me. URG.

BONUS is that no one will know when exactly I am cycling (mother does have a big mouth). I really much rather people not know!

Next time I will schedule the appointment with the doctor on the day I have the transfer (to the Thursday after the Beta [the only morning they have that I can]), because it is annoying and frustrating all this time wasting! [in the worst case in which I have a positive beta ( :-) ) I cancel the appointment..]

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Quick update

Sorry I am a very terrible blogger lately. As I still have to do homework for tomorrow (urg..) I will keep this short.
I am no longer PUPO.. or in other words - I got my period. A bit earlier than usual (day 24. I think 29 days is about average for me). I knew for some time that it didn't work because I really didn't have any symptom. Last cycle I felt my uterus expanding (or whatever it was doing) and did at one time have that tingling feeling in the nipples. Now - nada.
I know I should go in for a Beta but it is such a drag I think I'll skip [I am beyond certain this is a period and not implantation bleeding. I did think [have a twinge of hope] at first, as it is a bit early that maybe this is indeed implantation bleeding, but it is a heavy bleed just like a period [though no cramps  but as I have learnt that when my periods are late the cramps are worse (and I don't usually have too bad periods) I assume the opposite should also be true!]. Okay so maybe I should have that Beta [tomorrow is when I should but that is impossible so if I'll go, it will be either Tue or Wed. I will only update here if I have some unexpected wonderful news, but won't otherwise.
Okay, finished my coffee [you see, I am most certainly not pregnant - I wouldn't touch that drink if I was!!] and have to go back to my work.