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Sunday, 28 February 2010

Feeding the Cats

One of the first things I did when starting to get my house ready was to move the feeding of the cats outside [actually months earlier, maybe a year or so ago, I got rid of the litter box. They are not bound to the house and do have full access to come and go as they please (do have to get/do though a cat's door so I can keep my door shut..). It was of course needed at one time, but took me some time to toss it away when no longer needed].
Anyway the advantage of moving the cat food out, was of course taking all the mess outside. Disadvantage, well I should be around to see that no stray cats join the party (sorry but I have/had too many cats on my hand as is, and really couldn't afford for more to join the party). Well, I was too lazy hanging around while they eat (and sometimes forget the food container open all night, one of my cats likes eating straight from there. lol), but a strange thing happened - somehow, instead of the number of cats increasing, they actually decreased. Don't know, if she's gonna feed us outside, then we'll find another home. And really I am happy for that, because as I said too many of them, and the important ones aren't going nowhere [I actually did see one of them the other day, and tried getting close to him, but he wouldn't let me. oh well].
And then there was the rain. At first (that is when moving the food out) I thought that on rainy days I'd feed them under a plastic garden table. Yeah, that never happened. Well mostly it was here a shower there a shower, nothing too serious. But then there was this downpour I think about a month ago, where I temporarily moved the feeding inside, but only to the stairs. Of course the moment it stopped, I forgot all about it and about arranging the table for them to eat under.
And then it was hot and hot and hot. Kind of strange hearing about all this snow and storms and people not being able to leave their homes for eight days because of such weather when here it was talked about it being the hottest February in I think 60 years. And well, c'est la vie, winter (if one could call that a winter) has ended and what joy (yes, I'm cynical) - summer is soon to come.
Well, Purim was this weekend (a costume wearing festival), and Mr. Rain does have the old habit of showing up for this holiday, so the past week or so it has been winter and raining and raining and raining (yay!!!). [while only a week, winter as it should be. Last few years are drier and drier and drier]. And well, cat food... of course again I moved the feeding temporarily to the stairs, but I'm not liking it. It is much too messy. I mean it's o.k for now as my house is still a long way from being ready for baby, but not sure how/what I'll do next year.

Well, kind of a long post, and not really sure what I was trying to say. But yeah, anything but to go out to the shop and buy those cats some food. Don' think I have enough to last me till tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

"You do not meet the criteria!"

That is what the doctor just told me. So I don't meet them.. (who wants to meet them anyway??), which is to say............... I've passed!!! I don't have gestational diabetes :-)!
I did the test on Sunday, and oh that is one horrid test! While the 50g I drank more or less in one go and felt o.k and only had one hour to idle around, the 100g. was disgusting! and you have to drink it in 5 minutes. And then of course it's three hours to hang around. I did bring more than enough things to do (a book; a crossword/puzzle magazine; a card game; a rubik cube. Last two items remained in my bag..), but still. It was especially hard the first hour when I wasn't feeling too good (as time went by I felt better).
So did it and got it over with. And then there are the results.. In order to be considered GD, you need two of your "scores" to be higher than the scale. Now while my first number (the one before drinking) was even lower than the minimum for the scale, I had another number above the scale and another just on the verge (179 when 180 is over!). So I wasn't really sure what this meant.
So.. just talked to dr, who said the above ("You do not...") and explained that even my high score is not that high. So yay!! Of course it still means that I have to be careful! Maybe it's good I failed that first test as it gave me a wake up call :-).

And from happy to happier..
On Fri I go to this pupil and his mother opens the door. Now I haven't yet told anyone work-related about my pregnancy, waiting to see when it will be noticed. So the mother opens the door, she looks down at my belly and up again. What joy! :-)
And as I was writing this post, my sister who returned today from India (after being there almost two months. Missed her :-)), jumped by to say hello, and on looking at my belly remarked on how I've grown :-).
And to add to my happy note - three! yes that is three out of three bloggers whom I follow and who were in the two week wait just got a very Biggggg Fattttt Positive!!! One after the other they announced their great betas. Pure joy :-) !!

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Mother - Sister - Daughter

I was going to (=it was brewing in my head..) write this post about trust. About how my mother doesn't trust me and how I don't want this to be so with my daughter. O.K, I'll correct it, my mother doesn't trust other people, it's not me in particular, but when it is a mother who doesn't trust her own daughter... And I know that I have it in me to be like her, that sometimes I am like her finding it hard to let go. I just hope that I will be able to let go and trust my own daughter and even if (WHEN) she does the wrong thing and makes her mistakes, not hold it against her as proof of not being trust worthy.

And then earlier tonight I had a talk with my sister (#1). I am not in particular close to her, but I always claimed that she is much more a mother to me. She is the one I would turn to if I needed a shoulder and she is the one I want in the delivery room.
I told her about how when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and asked my mother how children are born [yes, I remember asking my mother that question. I remember exactly where I was in the garden, and I remember her reaction to the question, like she was waiting for it to come, her fourth child and she knew it should be coming. Of course this I can tell you as an adult, but that feeling of 'she finally asked' was there when I was a child], anyway my mother told me to ask sister #1 to show me a book about it and if I had questions to ask her (=my sister!).
And suddenly it came to me. If my mother sent me to my older sister to do some parenting job (my sister, by the way was about 12 or 13..), no wonder why today I see her more as a mother than my mother. [There was also mother being hospitalized a few years later and sister taking more actively the role of a mother. I remember being cross with her and telling her you are not my mother to tell me to do so and so, but you know, she was a kid herself, and not easy to become the mother of 5..].
I mean there are probably plenty of factors why I see my sister more as a mum than my mother, but suddenly it came to me how active (obviously not intending to be, but still) my mother was in creating it. She sent me to my sister instead of sitting with me and talking to me.
And this brings me back to my daughter. Well at least I can say thank God I probably won't have a second daughter 7 years later to send to the older one... I just hope I can be there for her, trust her and all.
[shall I talk about how scared I am of the day after birth, of the first day of motherhood?? of how I don't want this pregnancy to end because besides enjoying it, it will mean actually being a mother?]

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Family Day

Today is Family Day here in Israel [by coincidence, as it goes by the Hebrew date, it is also Valentine's day else where in the world..*]. Family Day. Until not so long ago it was called Mother's Day. As a child we celebrated this day as Mother's Day, making things for mother in art class, drawing a picture just for her, etc, you know - the regular stuff kids do on Mother's Day (oh, and the songs! those lovely Mother Day songs..). Problem was, we didn't have a day to celebrate the dads, no Father's Day, so being politically correct, it was decided to change this day from mother to family, and it is now a day to celebrate familyness [though some still refer to it as Mother's Day].

It kind of saddens me that there is no day now where my daughter will have to look at me and say - thank you. Most days will obviously be around her, loving and caring for her, and I want that, I want a daughter to love and care for and do everything in the world to make her happy. But I would also love one day in the whole year where motherhood is honoured.

But then, maybe it's not a bad thing, having a day designated for the whole family, for mother; father; child; grandparent etc? Maybe it's better for families who are not the typical mother-father-child types of families? If a child doesn't have a mother, a day like this (i.e Mother's Day) might be a painful day (assuming there was once a mother and for whatever reason now there isn't. I would think that in a case where a guy/guys raise kids without a female partner that such a day would be less traumatic for the child. Then again, for such a child [one who had and lost a mother], family day is probably not much better). And yes, I know how painful this day can be when you are trying and trying and trying to have your own child and not (yet!) succeeding.
And on the other front, as someone who is building a family in an unconventional way, maybe it's good that there is a day to say - hey, we (woman and child) are a family, and those two guys with their kids are family too as are those kids with their two mothers, and that child living with her grandparents, that's her family, and the boy with divorced parents - that's another type of family. So many types of families today, every family might be unique in thier structure, but every family has a common thread - they (we!) are all a bunch of people in which the adults care and love their young ones. And yes, there may be bad feelings amongst some family members and people not talking to each other etc, I'm sure every family has its story, but on the whole a family is a group of people that forms a close knit unit. So it is good that there is a day where the focus is on family, and what makes a family. [though there are always those narrow minded old fashioned kindergarten teachers who family for them is only the traditional type and who ask the kids to bring (for eg) a picture of their parent's wedding. Luckily most kindergarten teachers do take into consideration the different types of families the children come from, but there are always those stories..]
Bottom line? Don't know what I'd rather. Wish we celebrated both days :-).

* Valentine's has become more and more of a day here, this year with quite exaggeration of it. A hallmark holiday. The thing is we do have our day of love (in the summer), we do not need an extra day, and we do not need to follow the festivities other nations have. I don't really celebrate New Year [though a change in the date is a bit hard to ignore..], I do account for Rosh Ha'shanah, and I don't celebrate Christmas or Easter, etc. These might be great holidays (and reading in blogs about the egg hunt on Easter - seems like a wonderful holiday), but they are not mine.
Sorry about the rant, it just drives me crazy...
But for those of you who are celebrating the day - Happy Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

The Glucose Test

Crap, I failed it.
I was so sure I would pass it, too confident even. The doctor wrote on the referral no fasting [which, by the way, according to the nurse who took my blood will cause other tests (I think she said the B12) to give a false answer. urg!], anyway as I am not an early riser and only eat fruit in the morning (no connection to pregnancy), and after a discussion on a message board about having a breakfast before, I went ahead and had an apple before so that it won't be too low. Yes, that confident I was. I mean I should have known with the sweet tooth I have.
So now I have to do the 100g (or the 3 hours. joy) test. And I actually don't know how it works. I mean I know the technicalities of the test - this one is a fasting one and I have to go there early so I can be there three hours and every hour they'll draw blood and I assume I need a referral (since I needed one for the 50g). But as I am right now between doctors, haven't made an appointment to a new doctor (or even tried to find one. I could go back to the dr I went to before, except it is quite a ride), I don't know who can give me a referral. Maybe the GP? And do I have to do it now now or can it wait? (o.k I think at least an answer to that one I'll be able to get tomorrow when I meet the nurse to start the monitoring [up till now it was all done at the doctors office]).
I'm sorry to be whining about a little test I have to do, when overall not only am I pregnant, but am enjoying this time (not even morning sickness). It feels unfair of me. But I am scared that if I do have pregnancy diabetes, that it will "rob" me of the birth I want [the two things I really really really don't want are a c-section and an induction].

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Weight EDT

A few weeks ago I mentioned something about being hungry. Thought that from there I'll start eating and eating and gaining weight and all. Yeah, that hunger strike ended just as quickly as it started. Not that I don't have now and then some small outbursts of hunger but mostly I have almost no appetite. The other day I came across the 'you shouldn't be eating for two' line. Yes, I never thought I should be eating more just because there is a baby growing in me (though do think I should be eating healthier as someone else is nourishing from me..), but what about eating enough for one?
And people are telling me how nice I've lost weight.. (mostly people who don't know and don't realize I'm preg). Which yes, of course it's nice to lose weight, except... shouldn't I be gaining weight?? Went on the scales today (today, since it's a month since I was last weighed. I'm not going to obsess and weigh myself too often), and well, granted it is not the same scale as the one at the doctor's office, but still, I have not gained any weight! I am exactly the same weight I was one month ago (which was the same as previous month and as the previous. i.e I am six months pregnant and weigh the same as before I got pregnant). Of course there is one side that's saying - the less you gain, the less you have to lose afterwards, but the other side is worried, is concerned. There is a baby growing in me. She needs nourishment. Is she getting enough? Am I harming her?
And I read how lack of iron can cause lack of appetite and I know I am low (probably very low) on iron and that I should be taking those pills. But somehow in the last month or two I have become really really bad about it. It's hard for me to take them when I can't have any milk products in the two hours before/after and need to do it on a full stomach (though now I read that it's actually better on an empty stomach. That would be easier for me..), or maybe it's the up till here with all the pills and stuff (I should also be taking B12 and prenatals). I think I started "going bad" when the dr. said I could stop taking the folic acid.
Besides lack of iron causing lack of appetite and lack of iron for baby, I understand it could also make recovery after birth harder. Though won't say I didn't smile when I read that if you are low on iron you won't be given epidural. Not being able to have an epi can only please me.. But of course I should be upping my iron levels regardless..
And then there were these two annoying remarks. The first in a book about nutrition during pregnancy that talked about how you should be gaining weight blah blah blah and how you shouldn't be concerned about that and not to try and lose weight. It annoyed me as there was no room for someone who just hasn't the appetite, who is definitely not trying to lose weight, but just not gaining it.. And another from my father. Men can sometimes be so..... Well it was on a phone conversation, and previously that day I was wondering with my mother if I am already showing and wasn't exactly sure (probably people who knew and looked for a belly could see). So he asks if I am showing and I kind of stutter, not sure what to answer, so he chuckles and says - so you gained weight, ha? Never mind that no, but you do not tell a woman she gained weight, even if she is pregnant! As I said, men...

And not so related.. Yesterday my sister said (after telling me I've lost weight..) how I definitely now am beginning to have a pregnancy belly (see, haven't gained weight = in general losing weight, but belly is somewhat growing), so I had her take some pictures of me so I'll have something to put in baby's album :-).

And really not related.. :-) Probably mainly because of the cats. Last two nights I had three of them sleeping on me - one just above my feet, the second higher up my legs and a third under my neck. It's nice that they're snuggling on me, especially on cold nights, but hmmm... that makes me unable to move (the first two came after I was already asleep..), and oh my back!

And then there's my heart beat. There was a time when I was terrified of hearing my own heart. I don't know why or when it began, but I just couldn't bare it. Only in the last few years I have shaken out of that fear and actually even enjoy sometimes feeling it! (I put a finger on my neck or by my ear to feel it..).
But in the last two weeks or so, I can hear/feel my heart beating almost all the time in my left ear (which is my better ear, urg!). I can hear it going thomp thomp thomp quickly after I have been doing some physical activity (like climbing some stairs..), and I can hear it go at a slower pace when I'm just sitting. Nice to know that I'm still alive (and very glad I've out grown that fear I used to have), but it is on the verge of driving me crazy!

EDT (Mon afternoon):
The hearing of my heart beat in my ear - didn't think it was anything to worry about. Just thought it was one of those weird symptoms one sometimes gets. As I went today to have the glucose test done, I asked the nurse to check my blood pressure (thanks everyone for suggesting I'd do so!). So while it did go up from previous readings (which were somewhat low), it is still in the normal range (120/70), which I think was what I more or less had prior to conceiving. So while I probably should keep an eye on things [oooh, can I use the Hebrew phrase here - to be with hand on pulse... ?lol], I believe I'm o.k.
Anyway I have (finally!) made an appointment to the nurse's station [was debating between a here and a there. Now just have to find a doctor :-)].
Oh and appointment? It's on the 10th, in the year 2010 at 10:10 in the morning... (yikes, only the month spoils it!). So I'll talk to him about it when I see him on Wed.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Look what the mail brought :-)

A while ago I ranted about getting all second hand stuff from my sister(s), which while it is great that I don't have to worry about buying all these things, it still made me feel like I'm missing out on the joy of getting things for my little baby.

Dear Dora with her big heart, on reading that post, decided to send Birdy a gift. The other day, very excited I got a big white package.

First out came this beautiful soft pink blanket:

Then I saw these tiny shoes (or is it socks? I was thinking shoes, my mother on seeing them said socks...). And wow, they are so small! Can't believe how small babies feet must be. lol.

Finally I reached out for this really gorgeous outfit and matching lovely light blanket. And while I am so not the person to care about brand names and all, and I usually don't have the foggiest about fashion, I think the name Laura Ashley does make me go ooooh and wow! And as Dora said, baby girls stuff are so cute and lovely! I can't wait till I'll be able to dress her in it!
[sister #3 said something about her (I mean the girl..) wearing it when she leaves the hospital. My reaction was - no way! This outfit is for a special occasion! Sis said how she had her kids wear something special when they left the hospital, as in coming home, entering their new house and beginning thier new life. I understand, but I don't think I see it as a special occasion, not one in which I would like to dress my girl..]

And now go and see all the other wonderful things people are showing at Mel's Show& Tell!