Butterfly's Birthday

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Thursday, 27 September 2012

My Yom Kippur), meds (and other stuff?)

Didn't mean on my last post to celebrate how wonderful Butterfly is (though of course she is!), more to say how wonderful the age she is in, but oh well.... But I will add this little story from today.. She was nursing and wanted to change sides. I was too lazy and comfortable so was kind of reluctant. So Butterfly, giving her professional opinion says - not good! She cracked me!

Yom Kippur.. was acutally quiet a good one.I didn't fast (and when telling my sister [#1, who by the way does not fast] that I'm not because of taking care of Butterfly and all she gave me such a look.but who cares. I do generally fast, maybe next year I'll feel up to it, or not eat but allow myself a bit of water [because there is something about fasting that adds to the purity of the day].
I stayed the night at my father's as I was planning on cycling the next day to a friend and he lives midway. My father living in the house I grew up in. So we went to shul (synagogue) together. I ususally do go there for the Yom Kippur service as I don't like the nearby shul (and most others here are not of my, stream lets call it). It is important for me to let Butterfly in on her faith and customs. I am not a believer in god but I do believe in tradition and in teaching my daughter the tradition of her people. Surprisingly  we were early and had to wait for tht service to start. But once it started, Butterfly was not a happy girl, and the woman next to me, oh that deserves an astrix*. Anyway we went out with all the crowd (mainly kids, those with kids) and had a nice time (hmm not including the one time she got really lost, but might I say clever her went to look for me inside [crying, of course, while I was searching outside. from them everytime she went beyond a few steps I had to get up and follow, which meant almost as soon as I'd find somewhere nice to sit....). I briefly encountered someone who I went to elementary school with! (I don't think I have seen him since then..) Unfortunately I couldn't really talk to him as Butterfly was trying to get lost again.. I tried looking him up on FB, but how do I know which one is he (or even if he has a FB account). I think I'll try and do some investigating in the next few days and then sen all the possible Y a note asking if he was the guy I talked to on Yom Kippur, lol.
Next morning I cycled with Butterfly over to this friend for breakfast (see the none fasting part above..). Had a nice morning together and then cycled home. Home being mostly down hill (yay..). And at one point I was riding with a little one sleeping behind!! [of course she woke up when I brought the bike in and took ages to get back to sleep..].
She had quiet a long nap. When waking we went to the local shul to hear the Shofar. Okay I am very disappointed with this shul, besides not the tunes I know and love the seperation between men and women [one thing I would most certainly change, with all my love to tradition and all,  is the fact that men and woman are seperated!] was such that women could really see nothing. If we had a guy with us, I could have sent her to the male part to see and not only hear, being a single mother I couldn't of course.. As that was not the only thing I didn't like, I think next year I'll either stay the whole day at my father's or come back for the end service.
I think every year after Yom Kippur I say I'll go a bit more often to shul because I do like the prayers as much as I know and would love to "learn" more but somehow never get around to it.. Hope I do better this year! [maybe I should try and look for a good local shul]

meds. I need to start taking my meds on the first of October. Seems that with the HMOs here there is a quarterly top roof limit on payment of medicine for the chronically ill. Medicine for the chronically ill defined as medicine taken for more than one consecutive (or something like that) therefore fertility drugs are (mostly) included. In other words, if I have reached this maximum figure, I do not have to pay for anymore meds (that qualify) in that quarterly. Yes, crazy.. Well, guess when a new quarterly starts? Yes, on the first of October when I'm supposed to begin! And to make matters worse, it is not a working day so I will only be able to buy them the next day (and damn hope the pharmacy I go to have them!). It won't cover this cycle, but if I don't succeed it might help financially with the next and I think it will be silly to pass it. And CD21 is just an arbitrary number (and I am going the next day to purchase the meds). It of course depends if my meds are included and/or if those will be the meds I use for my next cycle (optimistic me says to insert here a comment...). Chances for both that yes!

* I remember a story in a school book back when I was a kid about a Rosh Hashana service in the synagogue and this simple boy who didn't know how to pray but wanted so much to pray to god so he then gave a loud whistle. The crowd murmmerd how awful and terrible but only the rabbi asked who was the one that opened the sky so god could hear our prayers. Only he could understand that a parayer is not just words uttered from a book and that now you have to say this or that. So this elderly woman was looking at me as Butterfly at this point wasn't sitting quietly until I had to take her out. Yes, instead of my daughter tasting a bit more of  this holy day we had to go out. [I doubt if we would have survived the whole service, but still..]

Other stuff.. this friend I went to, invited me to a rock concert. I haven't really been out since I had B (and not that before I was such a party girl..) so I'm quiet excited with the idea. I will ask the nanny and/or my mother to look after B, but I am really not sure how and what as I nurse B to sleep.

Monday, 24 September 2012

tail (of a ) bird

Was planning for some time to write a post titled "Terrific Twos" but tomorrow (when I was going to write it) somehow never comes.. But today* she totally amazed me, so here is the post..

Well we were outside playing. A bit earlier birds were mentioned but then she played with something else before going to the chalk board. She scribbles a few lines and then tells me  that it's a birds tail! I was oh wow! Because I never ask her what she is drawing or even expect it to be anything more than scribbles, so for her to come up and tell me it does mean something (obviously first she drew and then came the meaning, but still...), I totally didn't expect that. And I might add that I loved her imagination!
Don't they look like birds' tails? :-)

And yes, we do have the occasional tantrum (last night being an example.. yes, I think besides being a procrastinator I also didn't want to jinx :-)) but I don't think they are too hard (my mum also thinks so..) and/or I don't get too excited by it (I do sometimes, at the mall etc, sit down with her on the floor trying to be with her in her moment of anger/frustration/etc). The other day. leaving the pool she had this tantrum and only when we were half way home did the word "ball" come out of her mouth, and oh yes, we forgot the ball. Somehow she was upset of leaving and then as I forgot the ball it became into a tantrum. [but funnily enough, speech related tantrums are very rare, it's mostly her not wanting to leave..].
And many times when she is upset and crying, she will suddenly see a plane (for example) and say there's a plane in the most uncrying manner, only to resume to crying a few seconds later. It is kind of funny..

But mostly she really is in such a terrific age! She is growing and blooming and is just so wonderful and amazing! And she is very creative and imaginative. Like the other day she "drove" a toy car up and down my father's leg or how she rides the back of the sofa as a horsey.. She is also much more able now. She can join the train's track pieces (and we are now so into trains! and airplanes!) and puzzles (sets of twos) and thread the beads and so on. And she know her colours and she knows that "two" means more than one. I am now "working" on more numbers [colours, numbers, etc, I do not teach beyond exposing her to, like - do you want to eat on the green plate or the blue one? (not doing puzzles with colours and asking her what every colour is, etc) or counting aloud the fruit when reading the hungry caterpillar but not expecting her to do so]

I recentally bought a tablet. Mainly because I want to play that fruit chopping game, lol. But seriously, I aim it both for my pupils and for my daughter. Right now I'm restricting it to Saturdays only for her as I don't want too much "computer" time. But while she does love it, I am happy to say that she is fine and doesn't cry for more.

I mentioned how she loves the train set (IKEA), her other great like is dolls. She loves taking them around and mainly putting them to sleep (another great like is to bring here all the beddings from the bedroom and put the dalls (or herself) to sleep. [but actually going to sleep is, as it was always, mostly not such an easy feat]

Another great love of hers is running (my mother says that she doesn't walk, she runs!) and jumping. Oh how she loves to jump! She just jumps and jumps and jumps. She can jump down steps but can't yet copy her cousin and jump up the steps, lol. But she does try and copy. And she loves looking at other kids and learning from them. I also think she is a born leader as I see many times that she will do something and the other (older!) kids will follow her suit.

She is also now in the age that what's hers is hers! (I mean MY) Mostly very cute especially when she "defends" my stuff like the other day when we were on a bus and I put my bag on the seat opposite and later a woman came and sat on the seat near the bag and Butterfly was going - mummy bag!

And I could probably go on about what an amazing age she is in (not to mention how wonderful and amazing she is!!) but I should probably go to sleep now :-).

*that would have to be yesterday as I was too tired last night to continue.

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Shana Tova

First let me delight - I have a keyboard I have a keyboard :-))
[if you leave your child alone for a few minutes. make sure there is no yogurt anywhere near. and if you did do that mistake, don't wash keyboard down in the hopes that it will dry within a day...]

Also, an update on the ttc front - I met with the doctor and we decided to do a long protocol because: a. that way I am not affected by them being closed for the next few weeks (I'm to begin on CD21 which is the 1st of Oct), and b. we are doing the exact same protocol that worked last time.

But mainly wanted to wish a Shana Tova for whoever will be celebrating the new year. May this year be the one where all your dreams come true! [wanted to add a picture of Butterfly but didn't manage to get a good one of her.. so will just be this plain post.. speaking of which, we did (well doing, they are not yet done) do Shanot Tovot (=new year greating cards) which are very plain and simple, but hey, I think I was in school when I last did one and I love the idea of beginning this new tradition with Butterfly. Hopefully next year will be better :-).]

And now on to the cooking :-) [leaving the honey cake for tomorrow morning so someone can "help" me make it...]

Monday, 10 September 2012

HPT => |

Didn't expect anything else as I feel completely nothing. I wonder if that buzz I felt back then was the progesterone or maybe little embryo was alive back then and was sending distress calls. I am of course going soon for the beta but I won't be waiting for the results (will be curious though to see my progesterone levels).
Later I will call the clinic to schedule an appointment which most likely means this month is lost (if there is a next time I'll schedule the appointment earlier. The problem this month is that they are taking some time off and I didn't want to start a cycle worrying if the timing will be okay or not).

EDT: Oh the lab must be kidding. It's already 20:00 and still no beta results. Yes, I got a very negative pee stick (I even tried to dig it out of the bin some hours later to see if maybe maybe there is a faint line. lol) and my period is here so I am not really waiting for it. But does the word 'urgent' really needed to be written on a referral for a beta?! Isn't it clear that that is one blood test that needs to be done today?? [mustn't forget next time to ask the doctor to add 'urgent'..]
Not to mention that the nurse that takes blood must have forgotten to put in the TSH test the doctor ordered which is quite a nuisance as I now have to go back to the doctor to get the referral and then again to the lab. oh well. (and I was happy to be able to do in all in one..)

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Still PUPO?

Probably not.
Amazing how I am always optimistic in the first week and then pessimistic in the second.. But this time I was not just optimistic that first week, I was absolutely sure I was pregnant! Really. It was just a matter of time until I get that lovely beta, not whether.. And I was marveling at how wonderful it would be - time-wize, this child should be born between me and my daughter's birthday, how nice to all celebrate together. More than that, it's perfect from work perspective as it is just before the summer holiday and so I wouldn't miss much work (I'm a freelancer so no work=no pay). And how lovely it would be to have such a story of #2 being actually older than #1... [and yes, I now remember I did start being a bit pessimistic right after the transfer but your comments cheered me up :-)]. And a first unmedicated cycle - no issues with yes/no/how/when breastfeeding! I was so positive this was it, that I even felt love for this little embryo. I was having no real symptoms (except some mild feelings/cramps in my lower abdomen) but that was okay as it really is so early in the game!

 This second week? I've turned absolutely sure it's a negative. My breasts did hurt me the other day, and as clear as the blue sky that was how it felt when I was pregnant. Looking up old posts to my first IVF cycle, the one that a. failed and b. I was on the same support as I am now (endometrin, though twice a day now as opposed to three times a day three years ago) to compare if/what I felt. I really had to "try hard" to actually "feel" something back then. So....... But maybe it is just the support? As it was just a one time thing, I take it as just a fluke, as the progesterone I am taking going to my breasts and not a baby [I did take my two doses closer together than usual and this feeling happened not long after the second dose]. And I know that I haven't gotten the negative yet, but it just sucks. As I said, I absolutely know I am not (and one way or the other, I will be absolutely correct! lol).
The pathetic thing is my endomitrin pills will be finished on Sunday but Monday is when I am to test (I will need at least to take the morning dose, and as I forgot to ask the doctor to write emergent on the referral, maybe also the second one of the day). And do I open a new pack just for one (or two) pills!? in case I am not pregnant, if I am I am to continue taking them. It's psychological more than anything else. Anyway I have come up with a plan :-). Even if I am positive and I test on Monday, I probably will get a low number. So better to wait a few days..Anyway isn't the two week wait supposed to be two weeks?? lol. So I will buy a home pregnancy test, and early Wednesday morning poas (yeah, still have a twinge of hope left) and then leave to have my blood drawn  That way I won't have to keep pressing the refresh button on the site where I see the blood results.

On other news. good news this time - I have been accepted to the translation degree!! The other day I went for a test and an interview, and boy was that test hard! Well mainly the part where I had to explain words from a passage in the same language (there was one in Hebrew and one in English). They were really difficult passages with difficult words! But I did have a good feeling and didn't think they expected me to know all those words. Anyway the same day I got an email telling me I have been accepted - how lovely!