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Sunday, 18 March 2012

speech therapy

[first, I'd like to say I'm sorry I'm so slow on my blog reading. I am as always slow and behind, and while this month's challenge was [yes, I didn't write the post, but I still had/have my little challenge..] to clear my reader, not only have I not managed to do so, but Feb and March... too many nights when I barley managed to read a post or two. Not exactly how I'll clear my reader.. [it will probably be April's challenge too. There, saved myself *writing that post :-)]
p.s -> probably no point of using pale grey as I usually do with such as it all comes out the same colour...]

*because writing a post means another day of hardly being able to read posts and of many more posts being piled up on my reader.


Speech therapy. I think we can call this a rant. I am kind of all over the place with what I want to write, hope it comes out clear :-).
Okay, there's the annoying technicalities where we are still in the diagnostic stage which means drugging the girl each time to the big city ( Tel-Aviv if you must..). I was promised that once there is a diagnose and we actually start treatment, that it will be in a nearby town. Anyway, we saw the doctor today (hence this post) and hopefully things will start rolling.

The doctor. As part of the diagnoses, I had to see a social worker, and my girl had to be seen by both a speech therapist and a developmental doctor. Oh and there was the hearing test we had to have. While I was told at the time her results were good, the doctor now tells me that while it's not something that effects the speaking, that it's not so good and to have it rechecked. Now understanding results of this or that test is not my job. If I am told there's no problem, why should I think otherwise. This rant I'm actually directing to the people where daughter has done the test. And then (back to the appointment today with the doctor) Butterfly sneezed and she had some snot come out. D (I think I'll call dear doctor D..) asked about ear infections. Upon hearing she had none, D goes on to talking about chronic runny nose and how she might not have an ear infection but still might have fluids in her ear. Yes she might. But chronic runny nose? This is the aftermaths of a slight cold, not a constant state. And I know that's nothing. So she said, but it just adds up.

We started of the "conversation" with all those questions, many of which I was already asked by the social worker. But what much more annoys me is how is all this relevant to my child? What does it matter that it was an IVF pregnancy and not a spontaneous one!? [yeah, spontaneous without a guy. very spontaneous. oh well]. And what does it matter that my TSH levels were slightly high during pregnancy so after birth daughter was checked and monitored as her levels were too slightly high (until at one month she was back to normal). Yes, monitored and not treated, thanks for asking again and again. She was seen by a child endocrinologist. I do think she** knows her job. But what has all this to do with my child being behind with speaking??
And then came the question/s about me. Yes, I was a late talker as a child. Was I treated for it - not as far as I know (confirmed later with mother that not). And that is as far as I will go. Did I have any developmental or I think she said learning problems as a child. I will answer with a big fat no, although I did have my issues and did see whoever I saw [not sure what she was, a child psychologist perhaps? All I remember is this lovely lady I played with..]. Because my issues I had as a child were and are mine. I WILL NOT have my girl LABELLED on my account. She is a person all by herself. And yes, I had a very bad time due to that label.

And then came the "playing" time. Now I do have some guilt for not so much sitting one on one with my daughter [kind of don't have time for that - I am so not a morning type so that's out though probably that's the only real time we have as later we go for a walk and then nap and then I work and then it's supper and bed time, and I need my alone time in the morning and she keeps coming back to nurse. Yes, I probably really need to do better on the mornings :-( ]. Don't think there's a 'but' here. I should spend more time actually sitting with her. But (okay, so there is a 'but') [I am really tired, had a long day, but feel I have to finish this tonight while it's still fresh]. Maybe it's our very different temperaments - she is so so active while I am the reverse - so so passive. Anyway, we don't sit a lot on "learning" games, and that's fine with me. As I've talked about before, I don't believe in teaching her. She will learn what she wants when she wants, I believe in her. For example those wooden puzzles where one has to put the green circle in the green hole, etc. My little girl does not like puzzles. I hope one day that will change as I love doing puzzles, but for now it is not her interest. But aren't young kids supposed to be able to put the red on the red etc?? So the doctor tried and tried first with this board - girl just randomly put colours [btw she could be colour blind! I carry the colour blind gene and if donor is colour blind too (have no idea if yes or no) then there is a 50% chance she is... but more likely she's not, though it is not out of the question] then with another board where colours went into a stick in the middle. Putting them on and off the stick was much more interesting. And then there was more stupid instructions to follow, like give the doll a bottle etc. My girl has a mind of her own. She is very intelligent and has a mind of her own and I'd like to keep it that way. A short cartoon movie I saw not so long ago (unfortunately I don't have the link, I would have liked to share it with you..) of these aileens who do everything in a certain manner. This is how you do things and not any way else. And this little boy who was different, had a mind of his own. He was made to swallow pills which made him be like everyone else. Gone the spark and the joy of life. Then somehow he vomits the pills and is back to his old self. This time he is sent away by rocket (my understanding back in time to when he was a fetus, to start life again, but not sure about that, sad ending anyway). It was a powerful little video for me. And I see my girl as free spirited as that aileen boy. She lives in a society yes. But why does she have to follow rules of someone she just met half an hour ago and in areas that don't interest her?? And yes, it was more fun emptying the box of crayons than actually colouring. Why does she have to colour - because you said she should?? And you know what, telling me that her playing skills are that of a child aged one - one and a half (daughter is a year and nine months), really did not make my day. Thankfully I know my daughter better. I know how clever she is. I know how curious she is about everything. I know how when she wants and is interested in something (i.e not told to do this or that ;-) ) she will try again and again till she succeeds. She will fall and get back on her feet and try again. And I know she is doing fine just the way she is!! [sans the lack of speaking which is why we are at the child services, lol].

** Completely unrelated, but in a very difficult time (beyond being after a difficult [for me] and traumatic birth, I had a hard time with "officials") she was all nice and kind. The funny thing is that I teach her daughters, but while she looked very familiar when she first brought her daughters, only the other day I had figured out from where I know her! Not sure if she recognised me or not (I have a feeling that yes, I haven't yet seen her since my discovery :-)
Oh and yes, it is a very small world because it seems she lives in the same street as me! (though not exactly neighbours)


Little One said...

It's dealing with the professionals that start to make us doubt ourselves as moms. You said it yourself, you know how clever your daughter is. Our children don't "perform on command"...especially with someone they do not know or feel comfortable with. Keep raising your daughter the way you believe.

BTW, as far as I know, mothers carry the colour blind gene, but only boys can be colour blind. So, my grandmother carried the gene, and my dad and both of his brothers are colour blind.

Billy said...

Thanks Little One.
As for as colour blindness - it is in the X chromosome. Boys have only one X which they get from their mother, so if the mother is a carrier, there is a 50% chance they will be colour blind (depending on which X they inherit from her). Since girls have two Xs, they need both to have the colour blind gene for them to be colour blind which means having a colour blind father and inheriting his defected gene AND getting the defected gene from a carrier mother (50%). So while boys are much more likely, girls can also be and as I don't know if donor is or isn't, I can't rule out that possibility.

Laraf123 said...

I "get" this on two accounts. I am a special education teacher who once worked in early intervention (0-3 years) and I am an SMC who was treated harshly by healthcare professionals. (Is it really the 21st century?) Even now, I often feel judged when my children's development is questioned.

YOU are a terrific advocate for your daughter and the exact mother SHE needs. Keep up the good work and tune out the advice/statements that are not helpful.

Late-talking itself is not a disabilty. There is too much preacademic pressure on our children and too much comparison to the non-existent norm.

Tiara said...

You are so right about not wanting your daughter labelled based on your own history. What difference does your history make to her development?

And as for the play, how can they try to force a 1 yr 9 mth old to conform to their play ideas? It's like they want to fit her into some little box which isn't right.

No wonder you're frustrated!

tireegal68 said...

Don't let them get you down! You're doing a great job and your little girl is smart and wonderful!