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Saturday, 10 November 2012

Beware - a Rant..

A mother rant to be exact. I can't say my mother doesn't help me, because yes, she does occasionally help me. But not as much as she makes the whole world think (and really, regardless of my status as a single mum, not enough as a grandmother). And many times when she does help, there is this big sigh of how she is doing for me. Many years ago we went together on a holiday to England. There we on a trip to Stafford on Avon and other towns. She did the driving because I don't drive, but other than that.. I paid my share and all. Anyway later when she told people about this trip, she would talk about taking Billy to... Yes, she is originally from England and has been there before, and yes technically she did the driving, but wouldn't it be more correct (and give your daughter a nicer feeling..) to say - we went together to... ? But of course it's not just the words, she totally feels she is doing for instead of doing with.
When I began T42 I was hoping she will help watch Butterfly when I do the monitoring as I need to be there early in the morning and it's two buses. I quickly understood that it's too big a price and gave up. So I drag my daughter early in the morning, I can do it.
Last cycle I also needed help with the tank. You see unlike where most of you readers live, we have to bring the sperm by ourselves, we don't have shipments etc. [and allow me to interfere in my story and tell you how whenever I read someone talking about a shipment, I always imagine this great big ship sailing around, I think mostly the desert, lol] so I have to go to the bank and take the sperm myself to the clinic. Added complication is that they want it done with their special tank (it used to be that you could bring your own thermos, but since there was once a case where it blew up or something when a lab technician opened it, they've, rightfully, stopped that), so I have to go to the clinic and pick up their tank, go to the sperm bank and then go back to the clinic. and well, doing it by buses (yeah, why would there be a direct bus between clinic and sperm bank??) not so easy. Doing it on the bus with a little toddler on board!? I am not superhuman! So I asked mum last cycle to help me here.Now you all have read it once (I presume), how unclear was it?? Because when I asked my mother for help she was going on how she doesn't understand. Gee that sure gave me a good feeling. Anyway she did help me but with a big poor me how much I am doing for you attitude.

This cycle..I ask her to take care of Butterfly while I see the doctor. I really try and not ask for her help, really! It might sound that I ask a lot from her, but besides asking her to help me with Butterfly during my appointments, I really don't ask her.

I know it's getting long (and I really should get back to my homework) but I have to mention my (married) sister and how my mother went every week all the way to her (and she doesn't live near) to babysit as they had to go out to save their marriage (true, they were having a bad time, but really, you have to go out??). Because why would my sister take a local sitter when my mother can come?? Do you want to know how many time my mother watched my daughter, since she was born, while I was out having a good time? Two that I can remember (but lets add a third one in case I forgot something) - a sister's birthday when we had only sisters for breakfast (and I got a call asking when I will be back because she had to leave at a certain time, even though she knew I knew, just couldn't let me enjoy :-( ) and for a workshop my sister did. Okay, minirant over back to where I was..

Anyway I ask her to help me watch Butterfly while I go see the doctor. Her response? Well first why do I have to see a doctor in that far clinic? Couldn't I go and see a doctor who is nearer? WTF?? She then went on to grumbling about what is she going to do with Butterfly for five hours. Now lets ignore the 5 hours. I assume it could take me 3.5 - 4 hours tops, but lets go with her 5 hours. What will I do with Butterfly for five hours??? She is your GRANDAUGHTER! (And mind you, I do not expect you to do something special with her).One thing if she would have said - be back by such and such a time because I have to...... but what will I do with her!? I was somewhat insulted. And since I am really trying to cut down on the nanny (it's very hard financially right now with the studying and less work), I don't want to ask the nanny. So I will be dragging daughter to the appointment.
And then tonight something very small I asked her and her response.. well, you know what, I can do it all by myself. I will ask the nanny to help look after B while I do the tank and on the day of the retrieval (because obviously I can't be in charge of B while I'm under anesthesia..). For the rest I will just have to take B with me. URG.

BONUS is that no one will know when exactly I am cycling (mother does have a big mouth). I really much rather people not know!

Next time I will schedule the appointment with the doctor on the day I have the transfer (to the Thursday after the Beta [the only morning they have that I can]), because it is annoying and frustrating all this time wasting! [in the worst case in which I have a positive beta ( :-) ) I cancel the appointment..]


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that your mom is not more helpful AND that she shows such favoritism. That sucks! Hopefully it won't take too many times of dragging B through the buses before you are on the way to #2. Good luck!

Little One said...

I feel for you so much...not only are your emotions running high, but this is a lot of travel time to entertain a toddler. And of course you CAN do this on your own, but it's so nice if you can have some help at this time. Thinking of you!

MookiePie said...

Ugh, I feel for you :(
Truly hoping this next time you have to do it for T42, is the last time :)

Laraf123 said...

Oh, I definitely can relate. My mother also does not help me much. I am an only child--these are her only grandchildren! Still her interests, social life and conveniences come first. So believe me, I hear what you are saying. (I also had to transport by tank for my first, in 2006. By the time I T42, my clinic had changed it's policy and only accepted shipments directly from the bank--all this is to say, reading your rant brought back memories of dragging that tank around. Someday you'll look back on all this and smile.)