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Friday, 16 April 2010

Annoyed and beyond

So, I had my appointment today with the endocrinologist regarding my TSH levels. This was one of those tests I was asked to do in order to be treated at the fertility clinic. This initial test was slightly elevated, so when I went to see my GP on another issue, I asked him about it, more as a possible cause to my total lack of energy than anything else. Granted he didn't know I was about to try to conceive, he told me it was nothing to worry about. Also the doctors at the fertility clinic didn't say anything about it, and it really was only slightly above range.

And then I proceeded to IVF and went to this private doctor. He was a nice guy and all (and more importantly he did get me prego!), but well.. I thought after the heart beat he will say bye bye to me. Nope, and not the next time or the next, until I finally put an end to it (because I really really couldn't afford him and really really didn't need him). Anyway more importantly for this post is the fact that every time he gave me loads of tests to do (and when I went to the new gynecologist after finally ditching him, he commented on all those tests I had done..), among them TSH. And the results, always borderline - sometimes slightly high and sometimes within the range. He never once said that might be something that needs to be treated.
New guy said I should see an endocrinologist. He said it's probably nothing to worry about (hence taking me a long time to pick up the phone and make an appointment [I actually even forgot about this!]).

So today I went and saw an endocrinologist. She was amazed that I am so far pregnant and nothing has been done regarding my TSH level. She explained how they don't like women getting pregnant with high levels, and it should have been balanced before hand. More so once I got pregnant it should not have been ignored.
When I asked her what could be the consequences, she said that it might effect the fetuses intelligence ability. She did carry on to say how these other women with a higher TSH level than mine who she sent to a specialist (something to do with fetuses' defects) were told by him that all is well, so most chances that my girl is okay. But then again, at week 33 it is too late to really do anything! (I am to start taking these pills, but as for my girly, she is already formed).

And beyond being more than annoyed that this doctor I saw, the one that ordered all those tests and that took good money from me, didn't even once say anything about my TSH levels, beyond that I am, well not really sure how I am feeling.
Most likely not, but my baby might be retarded or at least slow developmentally. I was very slow growing up. I believe it was more a social issue (I still lack very much social skills), but I do remember/know (how much do I actually remember of this and how much do I know from stories...) how my mother used to sit with me a lot! I started school a year later than most of the other kids (today it is quite a norm, if a child is not ready then s/he is kept an extra year in kindergarten. Back then.. I always felt shameful for being the oldest kid in class), and in the last few years I've discovered that they (who?) were thinking of sending me to a special education school, and only my mother fighting for me and sitting with me "saved" me from such a fate. And all these years growing up, I had my father calling me retarded (which long before I knew what it meant, I knew was something horrible).
And as I've said (and even bolded), most likely my darling daughter will be fine, but well.. those memories....


Paige said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. What a stress for you. I'm sure your little gal is ok. I'm thinking of you.

I have a hard time believing you have trouble socially. You've always been so kind to me and given good advice. You're a good friend.

hopefulcc said...

I agree with Paige. Your little girl is so lucky to have such a kind, sensitive, and loving mother!

Tiara said...

I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through this worry...how frustrating you spent so much money on that Dr. & he should have advised an earlier treatment...

I'm with Paige & Hopeful, I'm sure your girl is perfect!

battynurse said...

I'd be annoyed and worried too although it's something that will likely be fine.

Anonymous said...

I hope everything is fine, and its just one of those things medical staff 'have to tell you' but doesn't really happen.

Quiet Dreams said...

So sorry you have this worry. I think that it is scarier to us to think of our children having the same or similar struggles that we had, because we know what that pain feels like. Hugs.

Billy said...

Thank you all!
Yes, I'm going to believe she's fine (and anyway not that I'll know if over wise for a few years..), so I think I'll put this behind me.
[and yes, QD, it probably is worse when it's something you experienced yourself..]
And now of to celebrate independence day :-).

MommieV said...

I had been drinking heavily when I found out I was pregnant. I worried so much that my daughter would have FAS. She is fine. But I still worried (and worried). I still watch all the little things she does and I started out hounding the developmental milestones in the books to make sure she was on time and not "slow". I've been able to let that go a little.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, when you'd seen doctors that should have been able to tell you if this was a worry. Perhaps its not a worry in the general medical community, it's just something that some endocrinologists see on occasion and that's why they had to tell you?

The good news is that she will be very loved and have a mother that is very attentive to her!

Laraf123 said...

Please don't worry too much. I worried so much during my pregnancies and listened to all the negative dr. comments. Then I had two beautiful healthy boys. Your darling daughter will be just fine--she has you for a mother. She will be one of the most loved little girls on the planet.

tomi said...

I'm sorry that your doctor didn't do his part to inform you about your levels :(


Keiko Zoll said...

I swear, 90% of a doctor's bedside manner these days is a total fearmongering schtick. Valid concerns re: TSH, but you can't fret about it now. Focus on meeting your little darling in just a few short weeks and all of the love you're going to shower upon her.
Happy ICLW!
~Miriam (ICLW #21)