Butterfly's Birthday

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Tuesday, 18 February 2014

"I want a daddy"

Our first. Upon telling her the very sad news that a girl from our homeschooling group has just lost her father (I don't know how old he was, but he was a young guy. It seems he had a heart attack while playing basketball. I was so shocked and sad to hear the news), upon telling her about it and stupidly saying that now E has only a mummy [okay, there is a learning curve also for parents..] Butterfly said she wanted a daddy. I did explain that she never had one and probably never will [I do not see myself in the future with a guy let alone a guy that could be a father to my daughter]. I asked if she was sad about it and she said yes.
It was a very short conversation and we quickly moved on. She did not cry or seem too sad. I was thinking - yes, it is my fault you do not have a daddy, but also - if it weren't for me, you would not have been born.
[and can't stop thinking of the 5 yr old girl (and her baby brother and mother) who will grow up without a daddy - how in some ways it is the same as us, but how it is very much different.]


Nell said...

Yes, it is different. That mom didn't enter motherhood with the plan to be a single mom. But it is the same because the family has to deal with the sudden death much as we would have to if it were someone from our lives

Billy said...

Nell, I agree with you. I was thinking more of the day to day life after the great shock of suddenly loosing someone loved and important. Of course the family has to deal now with a lot of pain, and that would be true to any type of family.

Laraf123 said...

I read somewhere that SMC's should respond to the "I wish I had a dad" comment with "Why do you wish that?" I tried this a couple of months ago. My son answered, "So you could stay home with us and not have to go to work." So really, it was about the two of us not some missing father figure. Of course that was the case in that particular moment--I don't fool myself into thinking my sons will never long for what they don't have. I think the best thing to do is take it one conversation at a time. Time will tell how well we handle our family dynamic.

Billy said...

Thanks for the tip Lara, I hope to remember it next time she says she wants a daddy. And I agree about taking it one conversation at a time.

Tiara said...

Your phrase "it's your fault" she doesn't have a dad, that made me sad. I don't think you should look at it as fault as that implies blame & negativity. You frame it better in your next sentence as she wouldn't be here at all if it weren'y for you. Better to focus on what she does have, an awesome, strong, independant mom!!