Strawberry Shortcake

Earlier today I was asking Butterfly if she wanted to draw Strawberry Shortcake (currently her favourite thing to watch!). I was expecting some kind of scribble. So she started drawing while I was doing other things. She says out loud - here's the head. I look, and yes a circle. Okay, she does know how to draw circles. She then continues to pull lines from the head announcing they are the legs. My mouth opened but I was sure it was just plain coincidence. Can't be she's drawing. Well she was drawing, telling me how she's drawing hands and eyes and mouth. This is her first ever picture of a person!! I also think her first picture with an intention before and not just telling me what it is after seeing the outcome [though not sure if actually the first as earlier she was drawing hearts. I didn't see her draw, so I am not sure if she first drew something and looked at it and told me it was a heart or actually intended on drawing a heart, but for sure the first person drawing].

I was so teary eyed. Only earlier today I was thinking when will my child draw actual pictures and here she is - drawing. I had tears in my throat all day, so much that she asked me why am I talking funny.

And really lately she amazes me all the time with the things she does or says,  Small things like taking her shirts off from the head (new from yesterday. up till now she would pull her hands out and push the shirt down her body. this doesn't always work.. it is still not easy through the head and she still needs help, but she has learnt that this is the way it is done). Small but big :-). Really feels like she is in a developmental leap (maybe that's why it is also a difficult time for us?)

Oh, I should add that looking at the picture she says to me - "actually it looks like Humpty Dumpty". So humpty dumpty or strawberry shortcake, this is my daughter's first "real" picture!

P.S

The background.. Butterfly somehow has always preferred to draw on the side that has something on than on the empty side :-). 

house

I love reading all these arts & crafts blogs with great idea for kids. The other day Butterfly and I made chocolate playdough from one of these blogs and it came out great! [I also loved how we got brown without food colouring. On Tuesday my niece and nephew will be here so I want to try doing purple, blue and orange playdough]. Not only the colour, but it also smells like chocolate cake :-) [was warned that the purple (made from red cabbage) stinks after a day or so. we'll see..]

Well, I'd like to show you something little we did :-). Reading at another blog, I saw an idea of taking a big cardboard and making it into a house by cutting and sliding. Loved it, so now I was on the lookout for a big piece of cardboard. Well I found this big box of an air-conditioner (in fact there were two such boxes, but by the time we came back for the second box, it was already squashed with something heavy that was put on it). It was not easy carrying it home, but well, what doesn't one do so her child can have a play house? ha ha. Anyway was going to go by instructions, but then Butterfly went under/inside and I saw that it just needs a little shaping to become a house. So I made a roof and cut a window and a door, and then we got to the job of painting it. Will admit that most of the "work" is mine, somehow Butterfly who usually LOVES painting, didn't fancy to paint much. Will also mention that there is no theme or logic or point to the painting, only to get the house all covered in paint [which we didn't succeed before running out of paint lol].

So here it is:

On to another subject..

Recently I bought the Family Book, but will admit that was a little disappointed. SMC is mentioned as - some families have only one parent (or something like that, the book is not in front of me now). I think I was expecting the word "mummy" mentioned (maybe something like - some families there is only a mummy or only a daddy). Maybe it bothers me because she doesn't know the word "parent" (I read to her as I wrote). Anyway I decided to by this e-book called Before You Were Born. It is a book I encountered before but didn't like because she uses the term cell instead of sperm and egg. I want the real terms used. The plus side is that it is [the one I chose, she has different versions] is SMC + IVF. I am going to print it so we have a hard copy (unfortunately the don't have hard copies for sale) to read (will also try and change the words I don't like..).

Anyway, so I've been reading Butterfly this story quiet a lot, and many more times she asks me to "tell me about before I was born". I love telling her, love that she wants to know, love these intimate moments between us. Well today we were playing that she is my mummy and I was lying with my head on her knees, so I asked her to tell me about before I was born. To my surprise, she did quite a good job telling me the story [until she got stuck..]. It was not intended, but it was great to hear from her, what she hears and understands.. [unfortunately we were out at the playground and I had no means of recording what she said, would have loved to have her version in writing..]

We are three and a quarter. When does it get better???

As evident from previous post, Butterfly goes to sleep late. Very late. A cycle I don't seem able to stop. I know there are other factors like the fact that we are very much out of routine or that I am feeling very anxious as I don't yet know how and what with my studies. And yes, she is in a difficult age. Take for example today, we were on our way home when she said she wanted to eat. I said okay, when we get home. But she carried on whining about wanting to eat. I do know and understand that kid's logic is not the same as adults and while I understand that if there is no food on us, the best thing is to get home as quick as possible and no point to whine about it. She obviously doesn't yet get that, so she goes on and on. Grrrr. We then passed a small playground. She wanted to go and play. I didn't mind stopping at the playground (but didn't have too much time to spare), so I let her play (of course she forgot she was hungry..). I then decided we had to go. And boy did she cry and whine, riding her balance bike crying how she doesn't want to go home. And I just couldn't stand it anymore. I am so fed up with this whining of hers, I n ever thought it would get up my nerves as it does.  So I snapped at her to stop it, and talked angrily to her and shouted at her, but of course all that didn't help, so I just put my hands on my ears as I really couldn't take it any longer. Next she was asking for a hug and stopped her whining. Not proud of my self, and do not want to use this as a method to quite her, but at least for the moment it worked..
Later she whined because she wanted me to ride my bike with her on the pavement and then because we forgot her bottle and she can't drink from the drinking fountain and then on and on because this or that. And I know it a snowball as I am cross and angry at her which not only does not help, it even makes matters worse and then she goes to sleep late and a new horrible day begins.

On the bright side I want to tell you about the other day. I did something, not sure if it was the right thing to do - I forcefully took something away from her. I do not like to use force on her, as it is not fair as I am the stronger one being the adult. Anyway I digress as this is not the point. The point is that she got angry with me and, as my sister who witnessed told me later, Butterfly was kicking the sofa while hugging me (I had a vague notion about the kicking of the sofa..). My sister was amazed as she said her kids would either try and hit her or want to get away from her. My daughter hugs me. I do love that she feels the need to hug me when I'm cross with her and I don't want her to stop that habit, so I always return that hug, but can be rather difficult when you have angry feelings...

Another kind of funny thing - she has picked up these annoying habits like being often tired of walking/riding when we go places, telling me it is very far away. This is not the funny part, it is annoying! Before her cousins came with us in the summer holiday on the bus and the walk to the bus, complaining about how long it takes, Butterfly was fine with the walk and with the bus drive. Anyway today  these cousins were fighting and telling each other I hate you, and their mother was complaining that this is something new they had learnt from their other cousins (from their father's side) with whom they spent the summer. It was kind of funny as probably the mother of those kids is complaining about X Y and Z who have spoiled her kids as the have never before ......  and so on and so on. My daughter has probably spoiled it (or will) for another mother..

Oh well, three more months to go! [I have no idea if this gets better at three and a half, but I am going to tell myself that it will!!]

it's 23:30 now

no sign of Butterfly going to sleep anytime soon. We did try before but it was obvious a no-go so we stopped that attempt. If this was a one time thing I would say annoying but happens. If she slept this afternoon [she was with the nanny and says she hasn't slept] I would have said very annoying but oh well.. But she lately goes to sleep very late with last week being the worst - two nights ago was the "highlight" when she went to sleep after 1:00 am. We woke up relatively early and were both cranky and tired all day. She did go to sleep that night nice and early (19:30!) and had a nice long sleep, and I thought that was the end of that.
So now I am just venting while she is sitting on the floor next to me. I know it may be because we currently don't have a schedule [I still haven't started studying and not yet fully scheduled with my pupils and it is a holiday right now]. I also don't dictate for her when to go to sleep, I let her tell me when she wants to. She is now lying on the floor. She did once lie on the floor and then suddenly fall asleep so I am hoping. So I am now just waiting for some non mummy time.

EDT: 4 minutes after midnight. She is finally asleep. big sigh of relief.

ovulating

No, not ttc related news, but since I am ovulating (and feeling it) I thought I'd talk a bit more about baby making with Butterfly. So I explained how I am ovulating which means an egg inside me [telling her it's not an egg we eat blah blah] is waiting for a sperm. Carrying on and telling her how eggs are from mummies and sperms from daddies and how since I didn't have a daddy for her I went to a special place where daddies let mummies have eggs. And ohhhh, no, not pleased with my explanation! Can we do rewind?* Okay it's more or less the first time trying to explain sperm bank to her [I did work on explaining it all to her when she was a baby so that it would be easier for me today, so I'll know what to say and have the words and all. While obviously I still need to find out how and what to say, so practicing didn't help me in that aspect, it did help me with being able to talk to her about it and not waiting for this to come from her and then embarrassingly trying to say something]. Anyway not pleased with all that daddy part. The guy who donated the sperm which helped made my daughter, as much as I am so very grateful for his wonderful gift, is not her daddy or ever will be. He is a donor, a sperm donor.
But it was nice talking to her about it, with her asking me to "tell me more" when I stopped.
Later in the day, when I mentioned "egg", she asked me if it was an egg for eating or an egg for babies ..

Speaking of daddies, we just came back from a lovely little holiday with ALL the family (that would be 2 parents, their 6 grown-up children (and 3 spouses) and 13 grandchildren (and a half if we count the pregnant sis), celebrating my father's 80th birthday. It really was great having Butterfly around all her cousins! We also went on a little trek which would be B's first! Wasn't so easy, as it was in the water and with slippery rocks but she did great! [I wish I could go on more such treks but unfortunately not really a possibility without driving, needing public transport]

Okay to end on a happy note will tell you how we made Shana Tova greeting cards (with a plan to send them before we left for our little holiday. yes, planned.. So people will get them a bit after the New Year... lo nora as my daughter says [(colloquial) it doesn't matter]). Today we went to the post to send them. Before going she asked about her one. Oops! Didn't think about that! So we quickly did a card for Butterfly :-).And with this, let me say Shana Tova to all who will be celebrating the Jewish New Year!Oh, pink.. a few days ago someone asked my daughter what was her favourite colour. As she didn't know what that means (she doesn't know the word favourite), it was explained the person (can't remember who it was..) wants to know what colour she likes the most. So now I hear again and again that "My faourite is pink and purple" :-).


* I do know this is just the beginning and inforrmation has not sank in and I will have plenty of opportunities to try again and again until I am pleased with what I say :-).

Numbers

Before I get to my post, let me say a word or two about "followers". As I was entering the dashboard in order to write this post, my eye happened to notice my followers. 39 of you! I know last time I've checked there were about 28 (but I really don't look at this, so it probably was some years ago..). I am especially at owe with the fact that people are following me as I myself do not follow anyone (that is not how I read blogs) and don't have a "follow me" button, so I have no idea how they do it, lol. But hey, thank-you for taking the time and the effort to follow me!

And now - numbers. If I did do tags, I would have tagged this under homeschooling unschooling (but I don't bother with tags..). It was just a wow and I had to record it :-)

If you remember, I do not actively teach my daughter letters and/or numbers. Well yesterday we were playing phoning each other with my old phone and I was pressing numbers while saying them aloud (I'm dialing two two three ..... ). Nothing interesting to report about that, just might be the background for today.

Yesterday we also got from the post a new calender for the coming year (our year starts around Sep), the type that you hang, with big squares and numbers in them. I was looking at it, looking at this year's theme [every year they send a calender as a little gift and every year they have a different theme]. I was also thinking to myself if the pictures are any worth cutting out and doing some art project with her (nope..), and that was it about the calender.
So today Butterfly sees the calender and asks me where 70 is (told her there is no 70, but here, this is a 7). I can tell you I was so amazed she even knew these were numbers because really, beyond yesterday with the phone, I do not do numbers.  So she asked me a few times where's the seven and where's the eight, scribbling each time on the square. Oh a bit off topic - did I tell you how sometimes she tells me she's writing (usually my name) and them goes on to scribble something?
And then she went with my mother to a library. Not the library we go to, but a new one to us in a nearby town. Anyway I was told that outside the library there is a very big picture of squares on the floor with numbers letters and my daughter went unprompted to the box with the 7 on it and told my mother it was 7. [she then did the same with number 1, but I think you will agree with me that for someone new to reading numbers, it might look quite the same].
This just proves to me that she is eager to learn and she will learn even if I do not directly teach her, and that I am doing right with her :-).

P.S
My lucky number has always been 7!

bullets..

I've got all these posts semi written and never posted. Oh, but posts written in my head (even if complete..) are not good enough for the blogsphere to read!! Oh well.. So bullets (see what I remember)

• "But you are my mummy". Isn't that the sweetest argument why I should do this or that and not someone else? :-). Kind of annoying as why can't another person do this or that for you but then wow yes, I am your mummy and it is MY job to do this or that for you.

• I am sure I said this before, but with the above I have to say that as much as I know I'm Butterfly's mother, I still find it hard to believe. And she is so not what I though she would be, oh no she is absolutely not! But she is by far better than anything I could have imagined! All my life I had been around kids who I cared for and who loved me, but when they drew a picture.. it was always for their mum (unless told otherwise by their mothers!). Maybe it is that she in now more drawing scribbling and telling me it's for me.. or in general her wanting to be with me.

• I think I am beginning to get the hang of Feedly and I even think I am beginning to like it :-). Though I will admit that while with google reader I would always go and read the post from the blog itself, I have gotten here into the habit of reading the posts from the reader itself!

• Sunday we adults are going to celebrate my father's 80th ! birthday. That will be the first time I will be leaving Butterfly with a babysitter. (the nanny or one of her daughters [hopefully as I haven't yet contacted them]. not including the two or three times I left her with my mother to "go out"). I am not happy about this, but what can I do.... [p.s does this say something about my poor social life?]

• T42. I am trying to get back on the wagon. Want to go back to place number 1 where they (well one doctor but that is enough) horrid to me but where I won't have to pay beyond the sperm vial and the meds, but have to complete all the tests and more. I was getting in the groove of well, it is not meant to be and I am so lucky that I do have a daughter. But then all these pregnancies in the blogsphere, and my sister who is now pregnant. Funny about her, I was just thinking about how she wanted another child and that it is probably time now, when she came (a few days after) to announce her pregnancy. And then the other day at the swimming pool. There is a box right outside where people put books they no longer want for anyone to take. I always peek inside when I'm there. So the other day there was this fertility book! Now if that is not a sign, I don't know what a sign is, lol.

• I love how we have more and more mummy-daughter moments. An example of such a moment is this newish ritual we have when going to sleep. Sometime ago, when going to sleep I asked aloud "what did we do today" and started mentioning all that we did. I didn't mean it to turn into something we do every night, but apparently she loved it. And so I go over what we did (while she is nursing, yes, still), asking her in the end if I missed anything. 

• I used to just say plain "I love you". But then I read about saying it in special ways (I actually don't remember their examples, maybe things like - I love you to the moon and back [which btw I know it is considered a wonderful children's book but I am not too fond of. Why does the parent have to always be better than the child?! oh oops, that's not the book's name.. I was talking about the book - Guess How Much I Love You]. And (back to special ways to say I love you..) it didn't take long for me to come with my way. I tell her - I love you inside my heart and outside. And then we joke around about different body parts - I love you inside my eye lashes and outside, and so on.

• I will probably post later about my next school year. Plenty to write about, not in the mood to go into it all, just will say it will not be easy. Also in the academic sense, but also with Butterfly [I need to find someone to help out with Butterfly. There is actually this amazing woman from my homeschooling group who has agreed to help me. There still is a problem of transporting B to and from this woman. I will be learning a full day and can't and won't ask her to be with my daughter (for free!) for so many hours. And as I am studying two long days, I also still looking for help on the other day]

• Three is difficult!!! 

• She is beginning to socialize, though sometimes I feel she is so far and not making any progress, and WHY won't she just play with the other kids? I am talking about the homeschooling kids she knows.

• Maybe because I myself am a social jerk (see one of the top bullets..). This homeschooling group is really a lovely group where everyone cares about everyone's kids. This wonderful woman who will help with B [if I manage to arrange transport] will also be taking her to the homeschooling meeting that occurs on that day. And I am so much at ease knowing that while this woman will be the one in charge of my daughter, there will be other mums looking after her too. And still I don't really socialize. And it is not them as they are really great people, it is me with my not having social skills.

• Okay I am getting really tired and the post is getting awfully long (and I've obviously forgotten something major I wanted to update about and will jump later in bed saying oops, why did I forget to mention.... So that will be all for now.

• oh, mummy proud moment. My daughter is very much behind on almost everything whether it is academic (and it is me, not her. for example numbers, she can't count to ten [she used to count skipping only 4, but it is so long since I've heard anything as near], but then I never ever ask her to, and never tell her to repeat after me, because that's my educational philosophy*) or socially (see above, below and sideways), but while her cousin who is a bit older that her and knows numbers and letters and probably how to write her name and much more and who is comparing, not I! does not know, my daughter knows left and right (mostly).

• I was also happy to realize how she understands abstract concepts such as to think. Maybe this is something most kids at the age of three understand, I have no idea, but it still amazes me! 

• * that reminds me of the three books I've just ordered: 1. Todd Parr's Family Book (probably about time!); 2. Paddington Bear [was debating between that and Winnie the Pooh. As much as I like Winnie the Pooh, it is way too commercialized, so Paddy won!), in an attempt to see if I can start chapter books with her (see above, I very much doubt it!); 3. A homeschooling book for me (John Holt). I am excited :-)

• okay last one - Todd Parr's fault! I am trying to write B her own story of how she came to be. I mean I wrote something but it got thrown away and haven't done much about it since. I would love to present her an actual book [I did make a personal brushing teeth book with pages I laminated and made holes for a shoelace to tie it together, but now I want a real book!].

• Good Night!