Double.... hmmmm... yes I sure said I'd do a double one this time. And I was definitely preparing myself to do so. Looking at my data from previous inseminations I kind of kicked myself for not doing any double ones. Maybe I would have been pregnant now if I did - who knows?
Well when the nurse saw my nice follicle, she sent me to get the sperm (I also had some blood drawn which results were only available later on..). Somehow, coming to the clinic, I was quite sure it would still be a bit early and that they would tell me to come back on Sunday. In fact I was actually hoping for a Sunday insemination, didn't really want to go through it today. Well, on my way to the bank I was thinking how I'm doing one insemination today, and how I will do the second on Sunday. I was even thinking how accurate I was with the dates - I told Michal that this won't be a good weekend to visit because I might be concerned with inseminations. I am usually quite terrible with time, so it quite surprised me how I was bingo on.. Well I went to fetch the vial, came back, had the insemination while convincing myself that it wasn't too bad, and I can do it again.
Friday, being half a day, by the time I came back with the vial (at around noon), I was the last patient. When I was done, I just popped into the nurse who was working on the figures of the blood tests of all today's patients (in order to call them and to notify them when to come in again), mentioning coming again on Sunday. "Oh, there's no need for you to come in again on Sunday. According to hormones levels you are ovulating today!" I did try to 'argue' with her - what if...... maybe....... but she strongly advised me it would be pointless (I think she's probably right - my numbers are high: E2=982; progesterone=6 [I don't know what units, but I know the maximum in these units are 1,000 for the E2 and 6! for the progesterone]). So as much as I wanted to (yer, sure, of course I wanted to.. never thought otherwise..) this month will yet again be one of a single insemination.
And on the way home I was almost in tears. My god, what if it doesn't work? What if again I'll have to face that negative? And it's such a lucky day (8.8.08 - eight being considered by Chinese as a lucky number), not to mention my favourite day of the week! But then again it's my fourth insemination, and four is my unlucky number!
And a funny thing happened today at the clinic. There is this woman whom I teach her daughter and somehow I knew she conceived her kids through treatment. Something about how she was very loving and caring with her kids and very very patient. Of course most mums love and care for their kids, but something with her way of conduct with them felt as if they didn't come easy. There was the time when her daughter mentioned how she would love to have a little brother or sister but her parents don't want, and another time she said something of the like when her mother was around and her mother straight away hushed her. Well I was sure she was from the land of IF, but of course you don't go asking someone things like that, and - if she is, what's it to do with me??
So I met her at the clinic today, trying to have her third child. She said that she didn't know I was 'a sister to misfortune'. Well I feel I'm somewhere in between - I certainly don't thing of myself as infertile, but on the other hand I am not doing it the natural way and am using modern technology to aid me with the dream. And like most (if not all) fertility patients, I am ever so much longing for this baby. I was a bit embarrassed to say that I'm from those who are going this way because they don't have a mate. Anyway... I think she knows I'm not married.
Going back to my last post about Friday and the lab - in the end the technician told me to phone her if I'll be needing them, and came in when I phoned. So I didn't need the hassle and bother of dealing with the IVF unit of whom I know no one.