Monday, 31 January 2011

(NOT) going to sleep [a rant]

It is now quarter to ten. She's been up since six. She is tired. She should have already had her morning nap (or at least be napping) by now. But she will not go to sleep. I know today is worse because I've been less with her and more on the computer (trying to do some internet catching up, because morning is almost the only time I have for such, as when girl goes to sleep, I too "have to" go to bed. the plus side is that I don't get carried away and go to sleep too late like I did before but more importantly much easier to sooth her back to sleep if I'm by her side than if I'm only 20 seconds away in the next room). Just lies nursing by your side with eyes wide open. And nope, she won't close them! [gets me so errrrr. girl, just close your eyes and see how much easier it will be to fall asleep!] and.. what's that new thing you're doing..? trying to blow bubbles on my breast??

Interrupting news. At 9:55 girl finally fell asleep and slept for an hour and a half! Woke when mummy woke and had a thought of turning and lying with back to girl! [because you know, she has the back detector, wakes up if you turn your back to her..]

And then she does fall asleep, and... a normal person falls asleep and is asleep, right? So if something was to bother them at this point they would maybe open their eyes, toss to the other side, yawn and go back to sleep. Not with this girl. The slightest thing and she wakes up and is wide awake, and I had my nap thank you very much. Just no point of even trying to put her back to sleep again for a while. And I used to say to my self - how stupid of me for whatever I did, but well...
And I keep of getting advice (more like assvice) about how to help her sleep at night, like give her a bottle (used to - a bigger bottle!) or just a teaspoon of cereal (mother keeps on going on how from two months of age that would keep us asleep for the whole night. not interested in cereal. she is big and most certainly does not need pumping up by those extra calories). And well, that's not my problem. She is a baby and as one wakes up every so often to nurse and for comfort and whatever. We share a bed so all I have to do is pick my shirt up and shove a boob in her mouth. (but first put her on a bowl as it usually means she has to pee, but that's just on a side note). I don't have a problem with her not sleeping the whole night. Oh, and it also means she nurses! I am now much better with the breast feeding, but still a positive in my books for all those wakings. My (our..) problem is getting her to sleep.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

I shouted at my daughter.

Last night I shouted at my daughter :-(.

We were trying to get to sleep and she's over tired and sucks on my breast and tries to get up etc, i.e not getting to sleep. Anyway she then pees in her trousers (we don't wear a nappy to bed. lately I had very good nights with no misses! but yes, we do have misses. especially if girl drinks a lot and refuses to go to sleep, and mother is focused on getting girl to sleep and doesn't look out for signs...), and I go to change her, quite pissed by now. As usual when she is changed, she turns and escapes and what not. Funny how when she was little I thought how easy it is to change a baby and what are those people talking about.... oh and the screaming. I'm sure you've heard her from across the ocean.. Sometimes giving her something in her hands helps. So she's heading for the torch which was a few cm from her head and not only do I not let her get it, I also don't give it to her (stupid me. I was really getting angry at this point). And then I shout at her "enough already". She was a bit stunned, let me dress her and went to sleep without anymore fuss.

And I felt so bad for shouting at her. Felt like I'm following my father's foot steps, who would just go off and shout at us, never really patient with us. And I know I'm usually very patient and the above is not an everyday occurrence, but well in that moment I was my father there, and if I had one moment, there could be more. I just hope that by being aware, there won't be many (or any) such incidents.