Friday, 31 August 2012

Breastfeeding Carnaval

Welcome to the August edition of Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Breastfeeding.
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting. As August is Breastfeeding awareness month, our participants are writing about this exact subject! Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Trying to begin this post while Butterfly (2.2) is standing by my side nursing (and trying to press the different keys on the keyboard, oh well we'll probably write the majority of the post once she's asleep..). I am so happy and proud to be (still) nursing as we had a very difficult start.

I always knew I would want to nurse and to nurse beyond the first year or two, so I did do a bit of reading about nursing while pregnant. But my focus was much more on birthing because I wanted to have a natural unmedicated birth. I was sure that nursing won't be a problem (because why should it? millions of women nurse...). Well somewhere on my blog (on a very old post) you can read about that birth that went wrong which may or may not be related to issues I had with nursing (a lactation counselor told me they are connnected). Anyway I read, but still had a lack of knowledge. Especially how often a baby can require the breast. It can't be she's hungry!! And with me not having enough milk and the lack of support, I totally did not believe in my ability to breastfeed my child. So I gave formula, mainly formula though never stopped breastfeeding, because while I did not believe in myself, I was going to fight it and have my child have some breastmilk. At five months (exactly!) I got a wake up call. She had a growing spurt and was on my breast for two whole nights. Hey girl, what are you doing? I don't have milk, remember? But still she nursed and nursed and nursed, and I was wow, maybe all is not los [nursing baby (a doll) now. lol] lost, maybe I do have some milk! Unfortunately it was too late to regain sole nursing and I still had to give formula but it was lovely to know that I can breastfeed :-). To any new mother who wants to breastfeed, I would say how important it is to have support. It is so difficult to maintain breastfeeding when everyone around you tells you you don't have enough milk and how it's not the end of the world to formula feed and all (it was for me). I would also like to tell you to believe in yourself!

Many times when she breastfeeds, I look at her in awe. It amazes me how she loves the breasts and to look at her nurse from them.. :-). I did try here and there to take a picture of her nursing, but they mostly came out as a not to show the public pictures, lol, but at least there'll be there for me and her for later in life. 

As to how long I want to continue to breastfeed.. In an ideal world until she weens herself, and I'm aiming at that. But I am also trying to get pregnant again, which means fertility treatments and hormones. Not the best combination with breastfeeding. Luckily my first cycle is a FET, that is a transfer of a frozen embryo, which means no drugs.I know I am not doing the so called right thing by not telling the doctors I am still breastfeeding, but I have read enough on the subject [though I must say, there is little to be found about breastfeeding while going through fertility treatments] to honestly believe that it can be done. If this cycle doesn't work, I will try and see if I can have a natural IVF (again, no drugs), but if not, and the worse comes to the worse I will minimize the breastfeeding (and time the taking of the hormones so maximum time before the next time Butterfly nurses). I really do hope I can get pregnant without stopping to breastfeed (and that I can maintain breastfeeding while pregnant, I did hear it is not easy!). I did wait until around Butterfly's second birthday to get back on the wagon of trying to conceive again so that she will be old enough and if I do have to quit, at least I know I gave her two years of my milk.

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APBC - Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic ParentingVisit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

PUPO!

Very exciting to go with your girl to the place where she was made, where she "spent" the first two days of her life... So yes, finally, I got to cycle. It was weird thinking I am actually cycling because besides doing a lot of monitoring, there was nothing to it (a natural cycle). I was concerned about taking Butterfly with me to be monitored, one of the reasons being not wanting to make it hard on women who are trying for their first. Well the place where I did the monitoring is an all clinic for any health problem, so it's not a big deal bringing her. It was a bit different today when I took her to have the transfer but oh well (if there will be a next time I hope I can leave her with someone at home). The weird thing if this works [and sorry, probably pregnancy brain already, but I can't remember if I mentioned this or not] the embryo transferred was from the IVF cycle from before the one that brought me Butterfly, so if it succeeds there will be three years difference [more or less exactly as the transfer for Butterfly was on the 9th of Sep!!] between the two siblings but actually only a month between them two. This is also why I am not holding my breath too much about it succeeding. For start, the better embryos in that batch were transferred and there was no pregnancy. Also, and this is probably nonsense but, well.. it is three years old! not young. I mean don't embryos have a life expectancy? Can you transfer an embryo that has been retrieved years ago? [okay maybe yes - there was a story about these ancient date seeds that were found (not sure how and what), maybe two thousand years old (I must find that story!) and the scientists planted them because they wanted to learn about the date tree from back then, and while most didn't catch on, there were successful with some! Okay, science edition of the blog ended, though did you see the pictures of Mars from Curiosity? AMAZING!) Okay, I'm babbling. I now have to wait :-)[and make myself a nice cup of hot tea while I have the air conditioning going..]

Monday, 27 August 2012

Perfect Moment

My friend had a pool birthday party for her daughter today (Friday). As we came early and as my daughter looooves water and pools and all, we were the first ones in the pool. But I quickly remembered my waiting to hear from the fertility clinic (and being Friday, made me quite nervous I'll miss the instructions) so I drugged her out of the pool. Luckily I didn't have to wait too long for the call, but now Butterfly would not go back into the water. So while everybody was having a good time in the water, we were playing on the grass and I was hoping for a change of heart while trying to be cool with being at a pool party and not being in the pool.
Anyway, food was brought out and people came out of the pool to eat and a bit of party games and birthday cake and then people began to leave. And then she uttered - pool. Yes, now with most of the people gone she wanted in! (so that's what bugged her..). It was evening by now and really lovely!

So we were having a great time enjoying ourselves. And then she started screaming [or shouting? you know, for the fun of it..] and I, while reluctant at first, joined her.And we were screaming, forehead to forehead in the water and just enjoying the moment.I can't so much explain why it was such a moment. Maybe I too often think of how when she'll grow a bit more or talk a bit more etc and am not in the actual moment of my little toddler. Maybe it was because we were finally in the water or the coolness of the evening or the atmosphere at the end of the party with only a few people left. And maybe it was just simply a mother-daughter moment. I did, anyhow think of it's perfectness at the time and then I come home and open FB and see Lori mentioning the Perfect Moment Monday and while I haven't participated in a very very long time, isn't that a sign saying I should? :-).

Friday, 10 August 2012

title (none)

First I would like to apologize for being so late on my reading. Currently my reader is saying 478 yikes! unread posts :-(. It was this translation job that got me so behind, and then when I can I come and see such numbers and get overwhelmed.... [I can't just erase all and start new, just can't do that, but I will admit that I've learned that it's okay to not read every single post..]. And this translation job, it was hard work but good money (though when I thought about it, with the hard work I put into it, it wasn't so much good pay per hour, but more the fact that I could do it when Butterfly is sleeping [hmmm.. I mean when she's finally sleeping..] and not need to pay a nanny to have Butterfly off me so I can work) but the sad thing is she (the one who I "work" for) is on a break now. I can totally understand her - it is the summer holiday, she is home with the kids, it's hard enough for her she just can't take this extra work [she does this as something extra, it is not her main work]. Oh and did I mention that she's an SMC too? And with TRIPLETS? Yeah, I can understand her not wanting extra work when she has the kids full time, but it does suck a little as it was a good extra income in a difficult financial time. And then there's the FB group I've become addicted too (but I think it's starting to wear off. lol) and of course tonight I'm writing this post so won't be reading any (sorry!!).



Anyway.. that was a long introduction to what I hope will be a sort(ish?) post with an update on things. I wanted this time to do things through the public system. Mainly because of the cost but also it is easier for me to get to the local hospital (where I bought my sperm). But they have all the time in the world (I don't). I believe I wrote about the previous visit. Well at least they were nice. I came back to a really horrid doctor. Two things they wanted were from and endocrinologist to say I'm balanced and a diagnostic hysteroscopy. Well as for the later, I made a mistake and had an HSG. Okay wrong test, but really is that a reason to delay?? And the endo. I gave the dr. a letter saying I am being monitored. I understand my TSH is too high and I don't expect to start treatment, but knowing I am being monitored can't we just put a treatment plan which I will start only when I'm balanced? I mean do I really need to come in again!?! But more than that, he was really horrible and rude to me. 
So I decided that I really do not have time to waste and went to this semi private hospital. Actually it's the same one where I had B done, but now they added a co-pay (or whatever it's called) which is per treatment (I thought it was a once only thing). Sucks but I think it's much better that the public hospital (oh, did I mention how hard it was getting them on the phone when I needed? So I've been this week to them. Avery nice doctor [I could go all private and choose what doctor to work with or I could do what I'm doing and be with whatever doctor who are all top doctors. This first appointment I scheduled to when this doctor who was highly recommend works]. What a difference! As for the hysterscopy, he explained that it's a better test and because I gave birth but didn't make a deal of it. And as for the TSH, only when I'm balanced we will start treatment (as I said, didn't expect otherwise) but we still built a plan. (shortish post!? I must be kidding!). I am now on CD1. In about a week I'll test my TSH levels. If we are a go (please please please, but probably too early) then I'll be cycling. If not, then next month might be a problem as they are on vacation on the week of succot (I think end of Sep.) but hopefully my cycle will correlate otherwise it might be only Oct when I can actually finally start cycling.
I have one frozen embie there so we'll start off with a FET. On one hand it will be totally weird if I do get pregnant with this embie as it is from the cycle previous to the one from which I have Butterfly. So who is the older child!? I am also quite pessimistic it will work because after all the best embryos which were transferred in that cycle did not succeed so why it? On the other hand I can't leave this potential life of mine hanging there for ever. And what if there is a child in it?
The good news about it being a FET is that it's a natural cycle ( I will only be getting a progesterone support) so I'll be okay with breastfeeding. Which by the way I was to tell or not to tell and decided not. I won't lie if asked, but I am not going to have things put off yet again when I've researched and believe that at her age I can still breastfeed.
Okay it's after 2 am. I think I'll join my daughter in slumberland. I hope (I think) I wrote it all. Goodnight!



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