My father the other day with my daughter. You know how one asks a child if this is for x? no. for y? no. is it for child? yes! Well he was asking her about the swing and started with daddy. He immediately said oops, we mustn't say that word. Why??? Is she supposed to grow with the secret of not knowing there is such a thing as a father, in fact that most people have one? She also doesn't have a sister. I doubt if he considers the word "sister" a taboo regarding my daughter. There is no shame in how my daughter came to be, and there is no shame in her not having a father, a daddy.
Then last night [very weird as I was having two parallel conversations on FB] this guy I knew from about 20 years ago wanted to tell me he's getting divorced and on the way asked if my daughter has contact with her father, if he sees her. He didn't know otherwise because beyond a short hello and I have a daughter when we became friends, nothing much was said, and I don't post about my SMC status on my wall (not because I'm hiding it but because it has no interest*). So anyway he asks and I say that she does not have a father and that she is from a sperm donation. To which he replied that that's sad, and that a child should have a father figure. Why is it sad? She would not have been living if I had not conceived her the way I did (any other way or time then it would have been another child, another soul..). There is a void but it is completely mine! I'm the one who knows what a father is so can feel sad (or whatever) about not having one. My daughter? She doesn't know anything else!
[I will mention it was especially annoying because between the lines of his tale I could understand he cheated on his wife. So who are you to critique others?]
Moving on to my daughter herself. Two songs she very much likes. One she doesn't specifically ask for, but if she sees the image for it on youtube, she will ask for it. It is of fingers in the hand, each being a family member (don't know the name if the song, but is goes - daddy finger, daddy finger where are you. here I am, here I am how do you do. etc with other family members). The other one - a lullaby about how a father went to work and will come back when the moon rises and will bring the child a present - she loves it and asks for it a lot. And I can't help but wonder if this is her way of dealing with the daddy issue? [I do talk to her and she does know she doesn't have a daddy]. Or maybe no meaning, she just happens to like those songs?
* same as I'm not talking about the elections we just had. No interest to my blog. That does not mean I didn't vote (I did!) or that I don't have political views..