I hate it when I shout at her, I really do, but then I loose my temper and shout at her again. Okay, not that often, but still - a shout is a shout. I do notice that mostly when I loose it, it's about me, about my fears or phobias. For example, when we come back from our homeschool meetings we need to cross a bridge. I'm afraid of heights, and this bridge really scares me. It doesn't (and shouldn't!) scare her. So she walks slowly, goes to one side or another (logically I no that's safe, it's not like she can lean over or something..) and my inner self who is scared shouts or talks nasty to her to just quickly walk it [specifically in this example I am now better, tell her before we cross that I am scared, just like she gets scared from loud noises...].
I want to do better! (don't we all :-)). I have learnt about the Orange Rhino's challenge - not to shout at her kids for one whole year (she actually is already 422 days without shouting!) and am taking the challenge. The Orange Rhino has a yelling meter of 7 scales (7 being screaming mad at your child, I don't think I do that.). I don't think I will adopt that. Also I would like to add talking not nicely.
I did try to start a few days ago, but just a little raise of my voice and.. Oh, shouting brings me back to day 0! I am now on day 2 :-). [for the record - 6.4.13 is my first day..]
Other news. No, I am not pregnant, even though I had a good number of eggs harvest (and I had the retrieval with no anesthetics - I really hate that part of the procedure [that is, the anesthesia] . The procedure itself was okay, but afterwards... I don't know if because I "was awake" immediately afterwards [usually my body would be slowly recovering] or because I had a good number of eggs, but I was in real pain..).
I also had to give a small talk in class on any subject - I chose fertility treatments. And then this cycle and I should have gotten my period right at the time of my lecture, which would totally suck. Well even though I had nice embryos, I knew it was no good as I didn't feel any symptom and mourned before the 2 week was over. Even so I was lucky that I got my period a bit early, and so I was after it all (even my period) when it was time for me to lecture. Don't know when I'll cycle again (money.... ) but I am not ready to give up the dream of more than one child (I know it sounds selfish when others don't even have that one child).