bullets..

I've got all these posts semi written and never posted. Oh, but posts written in my head (even if complete..) are not good enough for the blogsphere to read!! Oh well.. So bullets (see what I remember)

• "But you are my mummy". Isn't that the sweetest argument why I should do this or that and not someone else? :-). Kind of annoying as why can't another person do this or that for you but then wow yes, I am your mummy and it is MY job to do this or that for you.

• I am sure I said this before, but with the above I have to say that as much as I know I'm Butterfly's mother, I still find it hard to believe. And she is so not what I though she would be, oh no she is absolutely not! But she is by far better than anything I could have imagined! All my life I had been around kids who I cared for and who loved me, but when they drew a picture.. it was always for their mum (unless told otherwise by their mothers!). Maybe it is that she in now more drawing scribbling and telling me it's for me.. or in general her wanting to be with me.

• I think I am beginning to get the hang of Feedly and I even think I am beginning to like it :-). Though I will admit that while with google reader I would always go and read the post from the blog itself, I have gotten here into the habit of reading the posts from the reader itself!

• Sunday we adults are going to celebrate my father's 80th ! birthday. That will be the first time I will be leaving Butterfly with a babysitter. (the nanny or one of her daughters [hopefully as I haven't yet contacted them]. not including the two or three times I left her with my mother to "go out"). I am not happy about this, but what can I do.... [p.s does this say something about my poor social life?]

• T42. I am trying to get back on the wagon. Want to go back to place number 1 where they (well one doctor but that is enough) horrid to me but where I won't have to pay beyond the sperm vial and the meds, but have to complete all the tests and more. I was getting in the groove of well, it is not meant to be and I am so lucky that I do have a daughter. But then all these pregnancies in the blogsphere, and my sister who is now pregnant. Funny about her, I was just thinking about how she wanted another child and that it is probably time now, when she came (a few days after) to announce her pregnancy. And then the other day at the swimming pool. There is a box right outside where people put books they no longer want for anyone to take. I always peek inside when I'm there. So the other day there was this fertility book! Now if that is not a sign, I don't know what a sign is, lol.

• I love how we have more and more mummy-daughter moments. An example of such a moment is this newish ritual we have when going to sleep. Sometime ago, when going to sleep I asked aloud "what did we do today" and started mentioning all that we did. I didn't mean it to turn into something we do every night, but apparently she loved it. And so I go over what we did (while she is nursing, yes, still), asking her in the end if I missed anything. 

• I used to just say plain "I love you". But then I read about saying it in special ways (I actually don't remember their examples, maybe things like - I love you to the moon and back [which btw I know it is considered a wonderful children's book but I am not too fond of. Why does the parent have to always be better than the child?! oh oops, that's not the book's name.. I was talking about the book - Guess How Much I Love You]. And (back to special ways to say I love you..) it didn't take long for me to come with my way. I tell her - I love you inside my heart and outside. And then we joke around about different body parts - I love you inside my eye lashes and outside, and so on.

• I will probably post later about my next school year. Plenty to write about, not in the mood to go into it all, just will say it will not be easy. Also in the academic sense, but also with Butterfly [I need to find someone to help out with Butterfly. There is actually this amazing woman from my homeschooling group who has agreed to help me. There still is a problem of transporting B to and from this woman. I will be learning a full day and can't and won't ask her to be with my daughter (for free!) for so many hours. And as I am studying two long days, I also still looking for help on the other day]

• Three is difficult!!! 

• She is beginning to socialize, though sometimes I feel she is so far and not making any progress, and WHY won't she just play with the other kids? I am talking about the homeschooling kids she knows.

• Maybe because I myself am a social jerk (see one of the top bullets..). This homeschooling group is really a lovely group where everyone cares about everyone's kids. This wonderful woman who will help with B [if I manage to arrange transport] will also be taking her to the homeschooling meeting that occurs on that day. And I am so much at ease knowing that while this woman will be the one in charge of my daughter, there will be other mums looking after her too. And still I don't really socialize. And it is not them as they are really great people, it is me with my not having social skills.

• Okay I am getting really tired and the post is getting awfully long (and I've obviously forgotten something major I wanted to update about and will jump later in bed saying oops, why did I forget to mention.... So that will be all for now.

• oh, mummy proud moment. My daughter is very much behind on almost everything whether it is academic (and it is me, not her. for example numbers, she can't count to ten [she used to count skipping only 4, but it is so long since I've heard anything as near], but then I never ever ask her to, and never tell her to repeat after me, because that's my educational philosophy*) or socially (see above, below and sideways), but while her cousin who is a bit older that her and knows numbers and letters and probably how to write her name and much more and who is comparing, not I! does not know, my daughter knows left and right (mostly).

• I was also happy to realize how she understands abstract concepts such as to think. Maybe this is something most kids at the age of three understand, I have no idea, but it still amazes me! 

• * that reminds me of the three books I've just ordered: 1. Todd Parr's Family Book (probably about time!); 2. Paddington Bear [was debating between that and Winnie the Pooh. As much as I like Winnie the Pooh, it is way too commercialized, so Paddy won!), in an attempt to see if I can start chapter books with her (see above, I very much doubt it!); 3. A homeschooling book for me (John Holt). I am excited :-)

• okay last one - Todd Parr's fault! I am trying to write B her own story of how she came to be. I mean I wrote something but it got thrown away and haven't done much about it since. I would love to present her an actual book [I did make a personal brushing teeth book with pages I laminated and made holes for a shoelace to tie it together, but now I want a real book!].

• Good Night!