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Thursday, 8 May 2008

Choosing a donor

Choosing a donor.. How important can that be.. I know that for most people this is an issue. Finding the one whose child will most likely resemble the mother or a donor who looks as much as possible like the the guys she usually dates, or maybe has some kind of trait that might pass on to the child. But then facing the reality that the donor is nothing more than a..... donor. When I just started getting into becoming a single mother by choice, I got my first big shock when I heard the details I would get about my donor are some physical traits and that's about it. I knew the donor would be anonymous as all donors here are (and about anonymity in another post [I hope!]) but I thought I would have some kind of information about him - is he a sensitive person? does he like to read books? what are his hobbies? etc. Something beyond the standard height/colour of hair/eyes/skin/ethnic background etc.

Well, I then had to think as to who will come with me and choose a donor. I especially didn't want sister # 3 since I was afraid she might try and persuade me to get a donor just because of his height (she once made an issue of it. I think most people make an issue of the height. I am 1.63m. and am very pleased with my height. Except for extremes, I really don't care how tall my child will be!). I was hoping sister #6 would come with me, since I knew she would think with me and not choose for me. But she lives quite far away and has a little baby and by and by choosing the donor became less and less important for me. I mean it was very important and exciting as it meant that I could finally begin, but the who wasn't really important. What was more important, was obtaining as much information as I can about the donor. Information that might help satisfy my child's curiosity. Any extra detail that my child might know about her/his origin. So "the swimmer"* it was..

Interesting though - I claim not to make too big a deal out of the donor. I didn't spend hours there thinking and rethinking (oh, and I ended up going with sister #3 who surprised me greatly by actually being there for me and making sure I was pleased and satisfied with my/our choice), but a short discussion led to the chosen one (O.K, have to admit that there were only four to choose from..). Well anyway I claim to not care too much about the donor, and yet feel strongly attached, don't want to have to change him!

* and I do mean swimmer and not referring to speremies :-]


Michal said...

Complicated indeed. I think I feel very similar to how you feel. Regarding "similar" looks, I find it funny, as mom-and-dad don't have to look the same, and "the guys she usually dates" is even funnier (perhaps as I only dated one guy, and the other one who can not really be called "a date" looked nothing like him).

Your questions about sensitivity and reading habits are very much in place. Couldn't they have given them a questionnaire to fill? I totally feel I would want the donor to be of (very) high intelligence... that's probably the only thing I would care about it (but I'm indeed a snob, about that...).

I'm glad the process was so right for you, and that you discovered a good partner for choosing in sister #3 (I don't challenge myself to try and count them to know who she is :-)). And it's cute and great that you already feel attached :-).

Seed Monkey said...

Hi Billy,

I am glad to find your blog and wish you all the best for getting pregnant and having a child of your own.

It is funny as my father used to read me Billy Goat's Gruff - it is the only story I can remember him reading to me - your blog reminded me of this latent memory. I will read it to my eldest son once we have finished Wind in the Willows.

I have not yet submitted my Donor Profile - I am finding it hard to write about myself, I know that the family/child will cling to whatever I write. The question is - what do I write? :) As a male of the species naturally I am not very expressive ...

As I think has been mentioned in comments, when you have your next dose, then lie there with the small of your back/legs elevated or even just laying down for as long as you can get. It's a technique that worked for us - we hit the bullseye both times around when trying for own two sprogs. If you think about it - after normal intercourse the female normally sleeps - therefore the little spermies get a good headstart before gravity begins to work against them.

Whatever you choose to do I wish you the best of luck.

Best wishes,
Seed Monkey

Billy said...

Thanks Seed Monkey :-)
Thank-you for reading my blog, and thank you for your advice!