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Sunday, 24 January 2010

Two tests in One day

Will start of by saying that all was well in both. Had two glimpses of my little one today :-) [though in the first she was so cute with her hands above her face, the images that were printed weren't the best, so no pics.. oh, and as for a belly picture - maybe later on, right now I don't feel like I would like to share such, but thanks for asking!]

So this morning I went with my mother to a level II scan. She was so impressed (no u/s in her days, not to mention these level II scans where each and every organ is checked..). I thought she went with my sister, but seems she was there just to look after my sister's kid.
On the way, passing nearby the hospital where I'm planning of giving birth, she mentioned something in the assumption that she will be there with me. O.K, taking you to the scan was nice and all, but no way do I want you attending my birth! I already asked sister #1 who in some (maybe many) ways is much more a mother to me, to be there, and she agreed. Will have to think how to "break the news" to my mother.. Don't think I even want her in the hospital when I'm still in the stages before actually delivering, but that will be a tough one as she lives next door and will obviously know when I'm in labour.
On the way back she tried snooping some hints about Birdy's name. The other day she and sister #3 had a go at it - is it a name that can be both in Hebrew and in English (mum); is it a Biblical name (sis), didn't answer them, but it's kind of fun hearing how they are trying.. Anyway she goes today - I know it's a secret and you don't want to tell, and I think it's great you're keeping it as a surprise, but just tell me if it has one syllable or two.. Hmmm no, not one syllable and not two. To which she gave a not pleasing sound "so three syllables". Yeah. I LOVE long names, lol. She now went back to whether one name or two, but told her I already revealed too much! But I do know I will have to tell soon ( I know when I'd like to).

Going back to the test, mostly it went o.k, though there were a lot of her pressing hard against my belly as baby wasn't in a good position. And then she needed to go vaginally as baby would not turn [I have a stubborn little girl in there! Like her mother :-)]. I hate the vag way! Not only do I hate the "entry" (and as she was trying to be so gentile, it took her even longer..) but now with the pregnancy it is even worse. Oh well.. Luckily it was really only one feature and she was out in no time. But all in all there were a lot of pressing - definitely not a nice time for baby as well. In this active birth forum I surf, there was a discussion the other day about doing all these tests, and vaginal scans in particular. There were those who declared proudly how they didn't have any (or almost none, can't remember for sure) tests, and most were boasting how they never had a vaginal u/s. Well good for you, just to get pregnant I had numerous of those [these women are mostly at their 3,4,5 or whatever birth, having already had a bad birth experience and wanting a better one]. Anyway, I think I digressed a bit :-) One point they made for not having too many tests (mainly u/s) was that it is discomfort for the baby. Yes I am sure it is, especially when the doctor has to press and shake and whatever to move the baby. But there are many discomforts babies have to endure, that's life. And there is a benefit to these tests - seeing your baby, having the feeling of knowing her, of companionship, of bonding with her.
Which leads me to this T.V programme where they talked about all the testings (one was against doing any tests what so ever, as whatever the outcome will be, it is from the love of G-d. Thank God he was a minority..) and this book that talked about how too many tests can make the pregnancy a stressful time, not encouraging the development of the "good" hormones required for birth. And yes, we are probably number one here for all these tests we do. So this other test I had today, an echo of baby's heart. Not because there was any suspicious finding but just because I'm not doing the amniotic. Knew it would be a waste of time.. oh well, at least I saw her again. Anyway, as the book mentioned, the problem with all these tests is that they look for the pathology, for the what's wrong, therefore causing stress etc to the mother. Like the echo I had today. Though the dr. said all was well, and it was written in the bottom line that everything is o.k, one of the lines read that baby doesn't have such and such a feature. Now I'm not a doctor and don't know if not having it is a good or a bad thing. At first I was a bit worried (maybe it is something small and insignificant, but still something?) and was going to google it up. But then I decided I am not going to worry about it! I will of course show the results to my doctor [whoever he or she might be!], but that's it. But that just showed me how all these tests can cause one so much worry and even panic.

And then there is this scare that's creeping back. Right now it's not so much the birth itself (though my panic levels will probably rise as I approach my due date!), but the day after. Oh my god*, I am going to be a mother, and there is no return. My life as was will never be the same. And this little girlie, she chose me to mother her, and wow, that is such a big responsibility! This is not a job you can fail at. I do believe I will be o.k and all at mothering (hell, lets kick humility aside, I believe I have it to be much more then just o.k!), but it is still a scary transition.

Will end this long post telling you how although I'm not sure about the butterfly sensation I had as it was too high (but might have been her kicking and me feeling not the kick itself but a vibration or something), but I now definitely feel her kicks (though I haven't decided whether she's a dancer or a football player [that is soccer for you Americans :-)])!

* notice how I first capitalized and omitted middle letter as you are not supposed to (well Jews aren't supposed to) say or write his full name [and for argument sake let it be a "him"], then just capitalize, and now even not that..


Quiet Dreams said...

So exciting! I'm glad Birdy is doing well. (and anyone who's ever had a vag u/s deserves a medal!)

Hera said...

Billy - Funny, I think of vag U/S as the only action I ever get! :-) Seriously though, I like the way you think and I want you to know from reading a lot (not all yet, still catching up) of your posts, I'm seeing that you're going to be a fabulous mom!


I agree, the transition is really scary! It is an awful lot of responsibility, but you will be great! Once you hold that little girl in your arms, you will know how welcome that challenge really is. And, just wait until you hear her say "mama" for the first time!

Paige said...

Scary but oh so wonderful. You'll be a wonderful mum!

Demeter said...

The mama moments that await you!!
It is a wonderful world of awesome things and you will love to be a mom!

Kate said...

You sound so good which is simply wonderful. Glad that you got to see Birdy and so sorry for the poking and prodding.

I laughed when I read about your fear not being the delivery but the day after, I get that!

We all just make this up, I guess!

good wishes to you!


cmay said...

You'll be a wonderful mom--look how well you've cared for yourself and decided to have non-invasive tests to be sure she is all right. Already many decisions and responsibilities upheld quite naturally because of your love for your daughter.
Being a mom is going to be a great responsibility--key word is GREAT!