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Saturday, 9 January 2010

the unfair rant

O.K the rant..

Most of the baby stuff I am getting from my sisters which generally speaking is really great. I do not have to worry about equipment, clothes and all. I am really not the -have to buy everything new for baby type of person, and I am not in such a financial state where I can afford to go buying everything new, so whatever I can get is more than great.

But, well.... maybe it is also the house which is dragging too long to get done (and I'm only talking about the cleaning/tidying phase, not yet doing repairs and adjustments for baby), right now being in a stuck position, not really knowing how to proceed (as in what will be my little project), but getting everything from others leaves me without the joy of, well you know, of getting things ready for baby. I'm thinking maybe I'll paint the crib (not that it needs painting, not that I have any idea what colour, and not that there's a theme or something [no room for a baby's room]), just so I'll feel that here is something for baby, that is for my baby.

But if I carry on with the rant, and how I am really o.k with second and third hand stuff, and I'll send you back to previous paragraph in case you missed the fact that I am not the cleanest/tidiest person on earth [know the saying how, when a dummy or whatever falls on the floor, with first child you sterilize it, with second you wash it well with hot water and soap and with third you just rinse it? me - I'm having my third...]. So when sister #6 gave me a pile of clothes, and I was looking through them to see what I have (no idea yet about the sizes - is this for a new born, for an older baby etc) I really was not looking for any stains or anything. Just having my first baby stuff, my first little bit of excitement that yes, there is a baby on the way (will add that this happened a few weeks ago). But then there were these two items of clothes which were quite dirty, and that made me feel so bad, couldn't carry on looking at the loot. The thought of my daughter having to wear second hand (and yes, I'll probably dump those dirty ones), of having her wear something that some other mother didn't really care if child is wearing a bib, well not so appealing..

And if I move fast forward to yesterday, to when she brought me a high chair, except there are no straps to tie baby in. She insisted that it's o.k, that she didn't need to strap her child in (she got the chair from sister #3 and either got it without the straps or lost it, she wasn't sure). Well I don't know about her child and how and what, but more so I have no idea about my child. Maybe she will be a very quiet calm girl, and there will be completely no need to strap her in while eating, but then maybe she'll be high spirited jumping and moving all the time and I really will need to tie her. Not to mention that no straps means I can't even turn my back for a second. So having a chair with no straps doesn't seem a good idea. She carried on praising the chair, what a wonderful chair it is. Maybe it is and I am not in a mother to a baby mode yet so I can't see it's wonders (she showed me how you can tilt the chair itself for the early stages when baby isn't yet sitting, but then the tray gets left far behind..), but to me it just looked like a simple high chair, one that had no straps to it! Mother suggested contacting the manufacture and seeing if we can just get the straps, but still, here again this feeling of getting second hand equipment, of stuff that someone else used before..

End of rant!
Still fitting into my trousers, still haven't yet bought maternity clothes, but with the hunger I've started feeling in the last few days, I doubt if that will last long. Hate shopping for clothes!


Dora said...

I hear you, Billy. I'm not a "needs to have everything new" kind of person either. I got lots of hand me downs. Luckily in excellent condition. But I also got lots of brand new gifts. I would think that after your girl is born you will get a bunch of new things as gifts. People LOVE to shop for baby girls, because the clothes are SO CUTE!

I received way more things in certain sizes than S can possibly wear before outgrowing. I would love to send you some brand new girlie things. Email me your address for a gift from New York.

Anonymous said...

I felt the same way about both of my kids. I resented all the stained, stretched out, unraveled crap my ex-inlaws brought over when Ceara was on the way. They even brought USED BABY BOTTLES! How gross is that?!?
I have no problem with nice, gently used things. I freely admit that I haunt the Goodwill and consignment stores on a regular basis.
Things that I absolutely would NOT accept used: Car seat, onesies, shoes, any toy that would be put in the kid's mouth, and stroller. I am sure I offened a few people refusing to accept things that I didn't feel were safe or that I just wanted to pick out.
But in the end, it's your baby, and part of the joy is finding what works for YOU and not having to adapt to things you aren't comfortable with.

battynurse said...

I too totally understand how you're feeling. Hand me downs are great but it's ok to wish you had something new once in a while too.

Demeter said...

I understand totally how you feel. As a mom of a first child, you want everything untouched, everything beautiful, and new. But let me tell you what happened to me in the process of having first Yael and then Adam. With Yael, I had some lent stuff, but I made little projects of my own that I wanted to celebrate her. With Adam, I really appreciate anything that is second hand and I even go to a second hand store to get second hand clothes. As you will see, budgets get pretty tight when you have children. Even if you re-paint, the cirb or the room, you will feel like you did something special for that little someone.

Jess said...

I dont have a problem with getting some used things for baby either. Although I dont know anyone who has baby girl things. I do have a problem when someone gives you baby things such as clothes that aren't clean. Of course you can clean them yourself but I just think its wrong of a person not to clean it for the person they are giving it to.

Genkicat said...

Ha! I've just been thinking about this, and blogged about a travel system a friend gave me. I think their intentions are to: first, help me out, and second: clean out their garages! Now I find myself in the spot where I have to get rid of an extra infant seat, toddler seat and pram!

I've decided to turn down the big ticket safety things, and accept the other stuff. I just need to learn to find a way to nicely say "thanks" but "no thanks".


I have to admit that I also frequent the second hand stores and the clearance racks...AND that I get really excited when I find something there that is a great "find." I also have to admit that because I frequent those stores, and I buy ahead for the kids (usually two to three years, as I find things), they tend to have way too may clothes! But, they are extremely well dressed! Most of the time, anyway.

I also welcome hand-me downs. I think when people put things in their give-away piles, they don't always realize what is dirty and what is not. Just throw the dirty stuff out, or the stuff that you wouldn't use...the larger things, like car seats, just give to Goodwill. There is always someone who might need them.

Yes, it's a pain in the butt, to get rid of the stuff that someone else should have, but it's the thought that counts...and finances do tend to get tight. You will find lots of ways to do your "nesting" for that little girl!

Lori Lavender Luz said...

I'm afraid I've been guilty of second-handing. Good stuff, though. Babies outgrow things so quickly!

But I always told the person I gave it to that I was either going to donate it to Goodwill or give it to good friends, and if they'd prefer I go the donation route that was OK.

It's such a shame to waste cute stuff! And I really did enjoy seeing some of my children's things on have a second life on younger kids.

I should also say I don't skimp on sending new stuff, too.

tireegal68 said...

I think that people who can't bring themselves to throw shit out are the worst culprits - you get all their crappy hand me downs that they don't have the guts to toss! Donations are not very often 100% philanthropic in my jaded view! I hope you can find a happy medium of new and older stuff without having to resent your friends forever!
Good luck!