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Thursday, 20 May 2010


I am planning on having sister #1 with me during birth as well as my doula. I asked the doula to arrange a backup just in case she can't come (though I would rather not have some stranger, I guess if she can't come, it's better than nothing..). As for my sister, I arranged for sister #3 to be #1's backup.
I really want #1 attending my birth. Besides doing this before with my other sister (#6), I know she would go with me and my desires. But I also know a first birth can be very long, and maybe she'll need some relief, a little break, so I asked sister #3 to step in. I was never too thrilled with her, as I am not sure how far she'll go with my wishes.

Anyway, last night, mentioning how I don't want my baby washed in the hospital, she started saying how that is not up to me, rather the hospital's policy. I tried arguing with her that I, as the mother, have the right over my child, and if I don't want her washed, she should not be washed. But sister insisted that if hospital decided that yes she should be washed, then I can't do anything about it. An approach that really annoyed me! I don't want someone to go with the hospital policy, rather I need someone to be with me and my wants. As I will probably not be in such a condition to stand for myself, I need someone who beyond knowing how I want, will also demand that I get what I want. So no, I can't have her as a backup.

So now the question is who can I ask to be a backup? (or maybe I leave #1 without a backup?). Sister #6 will be ideal as she very much has the same ideas as me regarding birth. She gave birth at home (something I'd love to do, but can't) with no drugs etc, so she also has experience with this kind of birth. But.. I do not want her in my birth, not to mention that she lives a bit far and has two little ones so not really a likelihood she would be able to even if I wanted her. Sister #5? No birthing experience and not sure how far she'd go with what and how I want (she's a bit like sister #3 in this respect - both caring an loving, but don't so much understand that the hospital doesn't necessarily have the final word. That a patient can make requests out of the ordinary). So sisters are out (#2, besides being my brother also doesn't live her in Israel, and #4 is me..).
Started thinking maybe my mother can be the one. I don't really want her in the birth itself, but maybe she is not such a bad option? And I am only talking about a backup here, hoping sister #1 will be able to be with me and be the whole time. Something to think about..

I actually doubt this hospital I chose will have any problems with this request of mine.. (or for that matter any of my requests, that's why I chose them. I still need someone I know will be there for me).


Genkicat said...

I think it might be different everywhere, but I'm pretty sure the hospital has to follow your wishes. I'm pretty sure they would do so here. And isn't it your doula's responsibility to make sure that your wishes are heard. So even if your sister wasn't the best advocate in that department, the doula would be there to help? Good luck sorting it out.

I do recommend making sure no one is there who is going to stress you out.

Anonymous said...

I avoided this dilemma altogether by sneaking off to an induction and not telling anyone I was having a baby until the deed was done, so I can't speak from personal experience, sorry. But I do think that having someone whom you will be worrying about not advocating for you would be stressful, and probably better left out of the equation.
Can't wait for the 'she's arrived' post!

Tiara said...

I agree with Genkicat, whoever you choose, make sure they are someone who won't stress you out...I'm sure you'll make the best decision.

MommieV said...

You might want to consider your mom. I had my mother in my surgical delivery, and she very much felt honored to be asked to be a part of it. The day before, everything had fallen apart with my induction, and she knew how hard it was for me emotionally to "submit" to having a c-section, so she was very supportive. She took tons of photos. She was definitely a good breastfeeding advocate when I needed one in the NICU and with the nurses.

Paige said...

I wish I could be your back up....I'd tear them up if they didn't follow your wishes. I'm sure it won't be a problem and will be special no matter who you end up with.

battynurse said...

I hope it all works out with minimal fuss.

Hera said...

Billy -
I am sure the universe will align for you on this. I am confident it will work out for the best. I wish I could offer you advice, but I feel out of my league giving advice about the delivery.

MookiePie said...

Good that you are lining up a back up. I would think that may help lessen stress if things don't go according to your original plan. This way you'll be prepared with knowing who may be with you and their differences. I hope that it ends up being something that you don't have to worry about once you make it to the hospital!