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Sunday, 20 May 2012

This weekend? Hello and welcome to The Terrible Twos. We are glad you chose to travel Tantrum Air. Sit back, relax and enjoy the journey, it may last quite some time!
Oh sure, we did have bad behaviour and meltdowns before I think this was different, and I know that this is still nothing compared with what a tantrum can be like (or I'm lucky and she doesn't go full overboard..).
And then there was the hitting. Let me first take you back a week or two to an incident (actually twice happened with me and once with my mum) that puzzled me. She was not pleased with me (we were at my mum's and I made her go out as the TV* was on and I don't allow her) and came to me, holding my hand with one hand and with the other gently touching it. It was so gentle and beyond the frustration of me wanting her to leave, there didn't seem to be much anger, that I really wasn't sure if she was slapping me or what, and if so where did she learn that???
Well as I said I was puzzled, but I let it at that (perhaps I was seeing more than what it was?). Anyway yesterday (after a "no" from me) she comes up to me saying die (=enough/stop in Hebrew) and then proceeds to hit me with her hands. This time there was no doubt. And I really wonder from where she gets it. I have never ever raised my hand on her (I will shamefully admit to sometimes loosing it and shouting at her, a behaviour I wish and trying to change, but not more than that). I really don't think the nanny hits her. She did see some hitting the other day between two toddlers, could that had an effect? Maybe it is natural to hit someone when you're cross and frustrated?? I am just wondering if the fact that she was hitting means she saw it or worse experienced it, but I probably will never know :-(.

And if I'm on the subject of hitting, I want to tell you of some biting we had (this is old news). Well she had this biting thing, where she would bite while laughing. Clearly not out of spite or anger etc, but still what is it all about?? Then suddenly, as I was reading The Three Billy Goats Gruff, it dawned on me! As I read it, I play the troll and "try to eat" her. Obviously no teeth involved with my "eating" but she's not to know.. Anyway, I stopped "trying to eat" her and the "biting" stopped! [it didn't happen while reading the book] She was just trying to play the troll!!

* Yes, no TV in our house. Beyond the fact that I believe it encourages passiveness, I also understand that it is not good for young eyes. That means I too don't watch TV!


Little One said...

So what do you do to change the situation? I think we are prematurely entering the TTwos at 16 1/2 months...with her words is now coming her opinions of what is to happen. I hope it is short lived for both of us.

Billy said...

Do you mean the hitting or the tantrums? I don't think there is much I can do to change the situation. I mean with the tantrums she (and I!) is learning that she is a person by her own right with opinions and ideas of her own [though I have always said that my girl has a mind of her own!!]. It's just a phase she has to go through. I try and say "no" as little as possible to her (though lately there have been a rise in the "no"s) and to honour her "no"s [I tickle her, she says no, I stop].

As for the hitting - don't know why and even if I did, don't think I can do much about it. Can only hope to try and show her how to vent without actually hitting [hitting a pillow, etc].

Laraf123 said...

In my experience, the terrible two's last from 18 months to 3 years. There are always peaks and valleys but it can get pretty stressful for moms. I'm definitely not an expert but I do know that consistency in my responses is key. Time-outs for some behaviors, ignoring other behaviors and chocolate. That's what works in our house. The chocolate is for me.

Heather said...

Hi from ICLW! I am dreading the Terrible Twos. Goodness, I am stressed as it is! What are you doing to fix it if you don't mind me asking? If you have any parenting books you can recommed, I'd love to hear them. Might as well start researching early right?!

Billy said...

@ Heather - not sure if I can give advice as we are just entering the terrible twos. As I said to Little One, I do try and minimize saying "no" to her and also respect it when she says "no" to me. I am learning to try and be with her in her tantrum, like going down (physically) to her level. Other than that I'm aiming to be non punitive [@ Lara that means time outs are out for me, but I sure going to take the chocolate! P.S I agree on the consistency!]
As for books, I have read The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter and have just received two books I've ordered - Playful Parenting and Unconditional Parenting [sorry not in front of me so I don't know the authors].

Tiara said...

I really like your technique of limiting no, I too have adopted that technique & Elena responds better to redirection. Elena also started hitting out of the blue & I can't imagine where she picked it up.

Deborah said...

Here from ICLW - I think that yes, it is natural to hit when you're frustrated. You don't need to necessarily see someone else doing it. For me, while the terrible 2s (and 3s) are exhausting, they tend to come and go. I think they're gone more than they're here. So don't worry that it'll last ALL of her second year. Good luck!