A post in which I don't speak. Where I don't tell you about this lovely birthday party we've been to today, and where I don't mention that the only complaint was this terrible sun! It was so hot.. (and I'll also not mention that 11:00 is kind of plus minus nap time for us as we did do, well she, some napping on the way). But I think Butterfly had a lovely time :-). A post where I don't rumble about getting there. Where I don't tell you how I decided to walk by myself (it's in a neighbouring town) and when I saw how hot it is in the morning I thought of asking sis but since she was sleeping I decided yes to walk it. As I am not telling you a thing in this post, I also won't tell you how I tried taking the short cut through the new neighbourhood and the fields I needed to pass to get there. And how it was awfully hot and how I had to go up and down, and the fall (Butterfly on the sling in front and me falling forwards. Good think she was, as always, facing me) and Butterfly falling asleep right after the fall. And those very high plants that were hard to navigate through, and the thorns.. (yes, it was quite an adventure getting there. Don't worry, coming back we did the motor way with sister, lol). And.....

But well, I really just wanted to post this picture to show a better side of my little one :-). [although not a good hair day, at least it's not covered with food..]

OMG is this what I signed up for?? I was not looking for just a second and.. I mean spitting out the avocado is one thing. I try from time to time giving her avocado, more often than not she does not like it. [don't ask me how she can not like avocado, that's beyond me. lol]. But I should have realized she's not hungry when the sweet potato came out of her mouth! And might I add that to make life interesting, that's not just sweet potato (and avocado, though there were only a few pieces and by this stage I've taking [well eaten..] the rest out), it's sweet potato mixed with tehina! Yes, sticky and gooey and what a mixture to go up the hair!!

And yes, seems like someone wasn't paying attention at the 'this is the side of the spoon that goes in the mouth' lesson.

! TMI alert !

While I do have fresh ones at home, they are not to be used on Butterfly (yes, she may put it in her mouth, and yes she may do so after I use it to clean her pee from the mat, but not on her dear tush. that kind of mother I am..). When she does a poo I wash her under the sink. Except for one or two really cold days when the water in the sink wasn't warm enough (and then I dabbed her with toilet paper I've wetted), we've always done it this way. Which means (o.k, reminder of that tmi alert..) me scrapping the poo with my bare hands and then getting it down the sink, throwing some to the toilet (now do you believe me when I say tmi!?). Funny how sis#1, when her daughter was a baby once said how she does not like cleaning the poo and how lucky she is that her hubby doesn't mind. Well for me, it's not that I love it, it's just that I love knowing it is done with love and care. So whenever the nanny says there was a poo instead of being happy that someone else had to clean her up, I always feel disappointed or sad that it was not me doing the cleaning. But I digress.

So anyway I was at the mall today with her for some kind of baby activity when she did a poo. I think a first for us, which yes probably means we don't go out too often, lol. Anyway while someone was minding my bag, I went with Butterfly to the toilets (in my socks!) and, not a nice experience. First, I usually begin with flipping whatever can into the toilet (yeah, suppose that alert is still good for here..). Nothing much went. Wait, first of course was cleaning girl's tush. Grrr.. only cold water. Oh well what can we do? But then what do I do with her when cleaning the dirty nappy!? Had to put her on the floor (at least it was a clean bathroom). Go to clean nappy (see above). So had to do it all in the sink. Now the taps at the mall are such that after some time they close automatically, in an attempt to save water (though I always finish washing my hands long before the water stops, so it's actually more a waste than a save [you can't close the tap manually]). Anyway this tap was something wrong with as I kept needing to press it (each press only lasted for seconds). Now I couldn't go to another sink because I had poo in the sink, so boy did it take me a long time to clean. I then see a nice pile on the floor next to girl. Great! She did another poo in the meantime.. And I'll add that I had no bag to put the dirty nappy in and there were no paper towels, so had to wrap it in toilet paper..

Yes, a day in the life of a cloth nappy user..

And last but not least.. the last few days I have these thoughts about my little baby who is growing so fast she very soon won't be a baby anymore. And how I want her to be my little baby forever but I also very much want her to grow and walk and talk and be a three year old and a five year old. It's weird wanting her to stay a baby and become a toddler at the same time..

EDT (because you really want to know, or hmmm see above alert!?)

Next morning, while still in bed and hoping for more sleep I realize Buterfly might need to pee so I put her on the bowl. Well a big poo, but yay for catching it! I manage to not take off her trousers completly when washing her, so I pull up the trousers, put her in the other room and get to clean up. I sit a few minutes by the computer and Butterfly is sitting silently on th mat. Too silently. Yes, more poo. We go to the bathroom again, trousers get off, girl's tush gets clean, girl is put in the bedroom while mummy cleans trousers and hands throughly. Step out of bathroom and... oh my! that's a horrible big lump on the carpet :-( So again the procedure of cleaning girl, cleaning carpet, putting girl in other room, cleaning self and.. you've guessed it! sigh. At least a very small one this time.

2.5 weeks

Woke up this morning and oh, how nice! Butterfly and I have two and a half weeks [Pesach Holiday] of no nanny! Two and a half weeks of just ourselves! And while most of the time will also be without my mum who helps me a lot (she going on vacation), but I don't have to leave my girl with someone I don't trust and don't think is good enough for my daughter.
I am working, albeit less than usual, next week. Probably would have more work if I had a nanny (if they weren't sure if they want a lesson I didn't talk them into having one), but o.k. While in the interview I said this week there won't be work and she said great because she wanted to be with her kid. The other day she then mentions April being a very low pay month and I say that I am working some but less than usual, if she wants (at that point I knew of only two pupils who wanted a lesson). She said yes, but later that day talked about how it's not worth it for her. O.K, fine with me! So two and a half weeks of me and girly :-)). And when the Pesach Holiday is over, that would be two months till the end of the year, just two months.. Yes, I am looking for someone, I really do not want to continue with this woman, but I'm not sure about finding someone for the last two months.

Guess who has now learnt how to take out my USB internet connection?? "Fighting" over it I can see how probably not very long in the future we will be "fighting" over computer time. (I mean now she doesn't like my computer time as obviously I am not with her [when she sleeps!? naa, doesn't work for me. maybe I'll explain in another post, maybe not] but soon will be a time when she will want to use the computer. o.k I'm really rumbling instead of going to sleep.

Just want to finish with what a smart little girl she is - I was sitting on one side of the garden deck having breakfast with Butterfly playing by my side. She then (after groaning a bit) went all the way to the other side, to a small (children's) plastic table, stood by it and peed! She prefers peeing standing up (yes, she was with just a top) as to not to pee on herself, and she does that, stands to pee. But going all the way to the other side so she can use the table to stand? Isn't she clever?

Questionair: Can you be my nanny?

1) How many hours would you be talking on your phone while taking care of me:

• a. I do no such thing!


• b. Okay, I admit I do some talking.


• c. How many hours do I work?

2)And what do you tell my mum when she asks you to phone her in case of an emergency (something she didn't say before because she thought was obvious):

• a. Don't worry! Your mum, sister, doctor, hospital... I know all those numbers by heart.


• b. Sure, will do.


• c. My phone has only incoming calls.

3)Where would you take me for a walk? How long for? And at what time of the day?

• a.Well of course when I come at 14:00 and it's nice and warm (not yet summer). We'd go to the local playground for about an half an hour an hour and have a very good time.


• b. To the local playground when I feel like we should go.


• c. Taking you for a walk!? I don't think so! Your mum can nag & nag, I'll just take you for a ten minute walk up and down the street. And of course when it's dark and cold! Oh wait! I can sneak you to my house for an hour or two without your mother knowing, can't I?*

4) How do you feel about listening to children's songs, even if they're not in your language?

• a. That's a cool way to improve my English! Oh, and I see you also have classical music! We'll play music a lot.


• b. Well, I do prefer the songs I know, but I guess I can learn something new.


• c. I don't speak it - I don't play it! And take away those classical CDs! No, I'll stick to the good old absolutely nothing for kids radio.

5) What about safety in the house?

• a. Babies can get hurt. I'll take every safety precaution to make sure it doesn't happen.


• b. I'll try my best to keep you safe!


• c. O.K, so your mum showed me that gate thing at the top of the stairs [and yes, stairs lead straight to room where baby plays. No hall or anything]. She even showed me how to open/close it. But hey, what's the big deal!? Why would I want to bother and close it???**

* I must say huge improvement here! She finally, after really nagging her for 7 months, learned where the local playground is (5 minute walk with a pram!) and that it's much nicer also for her! She now goes with my sister's kids nanny [who has quite often asked "my" nanny to join]

** I had a rant post which I started writing (and accidentally published instead of saving), continued on paper and more or less got it out of my system. Until by chance I discovered today she doesn't know how to open/close the stair gate. We (my mum and I) always hand baby over to her downstairs (mum's place) or outside. It never occurred to us she is not using the gate! Beyond safety, I am quite upset that for over three months my daughter must have been hearing all these unnecessary "no"s.

P.S

Stopping here. And not because there no more questions..

EDT (which is kind of funny as I haven't yet written here the post..[wrote post on paper first]). I am so furious! As I mentioned, yesterday me and mum were shocked to find out she doesn't use the stair gate (doesn't even know how to use it). She was told how to. Today mum saw her as she was leaving and told her again to use the gate. I hand her the baby (down at my mum's) and ask her to go up and finish dressing her. After a few minutes I come up and..... the gate is open! OMG do you think we were kidding??? So she says to me I forgot. Damn was I cross with her. You can forget to take the baby for a walk. You can forget to change her nappy. You can forget to feed her. But you CANNOT forget to close the stair gate. I made her show me how she closes and opens it while she rolled her eyes. Yeah, whatever, baby safety.

1. [number only as I can't seem able to seperate this from previous paragraph, it keeps on sticking together..] Another Edit to Add: This is already a long post (and my girl is sleeping in the other room and I'm scared the noise of me typing will wake her..), so I'll be short. To say I'm not pleased with this nanny will be an understatement. At first I was frightened to look for someone else in case she finds out (and leaves me before I do find a replacement). But lately things are really bad. And yesterday, seeing her have my girl on the swing for almost half an hour, hardly paying attention to her, maybe once giving a faint push another time sang a song.. I was so upset. [the stupid nanny knew I could see. mum says she doing it to show me as I don't allow her to take baby for a walk at this hour (it's cold but more importantly, this is the time she takes her to her house..).But as mum also says, she's digging her own grave. I'm going back and forth between finding someone new and just swallowing it till the end of the year (mainly as I'm not sure it's good for my baby, at 9 months with all the fear of strangers of this age, to bring someone new. I think better done at the end of the holiday, slowly introducing this new person. Anyway I am interviewing, just hope I'll do a better job choosing (and if I see she's not the right person, don't keep her..). [yes, that wasn't exactly short..]

moments

• I have these moments when I fear what will happen with Butterfly if something were to happen to me. You know, being her only parent. (mum promised me she will remain in the family!). And then the other day I had an opposite moment. I am the sole parent of this wonderful girl, I have her all to myself. No body to share the parenthood with, nobody to "go halfs" with. She is just wonderfully fully, completely, absolutely mine!
  
• [While I'm typing someone is picking up my shirt searching.. I know they are here somewhere! (oh, and just for the record, same someone just bit me again while nursing, which is why I went away to the computer. hmmm was?? is! my waist..)]
  
• Our (well her) first sick. A little vomit and two days after the diarrhea. Yes, unsurprising the exact same time as the emergence of those top teeth. Not nice watching your kid not being well and not able to do much to help.


• Does new teeth necessary mean biting?? There were a few bitings when she first got her bottom teeth. Nothing since. And now, about two months later with the top teeth coming she's biting again.. She bites, I call out in pain while pulling out my breast and she just laughs. More so she gets this big grin on her mouth (while nursing) and I know she's about to bite.. Of course I tell her no biting and stop nursing. This is just new from last the other night. I hope it doesn't last..
  
• moments of sleep.. One benefit of bed sharing is the synchronising of the sleep/wake thing that happens, we both get to wake up together. Great when she wakes to nurse, and before she cries (making going back to sleep so much harder) my breast is already there for her(unfortunately many nights I am too tired to remember it's probably time to pee). Not so great last night when she wakes, she's uneasy [still not too well. those damn teeth.. she has four popping together, two popped, two more to go for now] finally goes to sleep. While nursing her I also drift into sleep, but not in a preferred position. Then I wake, glad to see she's asleep, and role over. Only that synchronising thing, she also wakes and so on and on and on. [I knew she had a poop bothering her and tried putting her a few times over the bowl but she only peed. Only come morning did she go]


• We changed clocks last night. Weird how my watch will now be accurate :-D [I love summer time and refuse to let go, so all year round my watch is on summer time].

20 Answers

First an update on the bath situation: the new thing now is washing her outside with a bowl of warm water. Of course this doesn't work when it's raining and cold.... [have a video of that first outside "bath" but don't seem to be able to upload it to blogger]


And now to the meme :-). FruitFish at Waiting to Mommyhood tagged me on this 20 questions & answers meme. According to the rules, you may replace any question you don't like with your own. And tag four other bloggers.

So here it goes:

1) If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
I had a dog. She was most certainbly part of my family! She was my first little girl. And I've mentioned before that my daughter was created on the same date of her death. For me that means a connection between the two. I now have cats. Can't call them members of my family, maybe distant relatives..

2) If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
Living in a nice little house in the country with a little stream or maybe a lake at the bottom of the garden and also a forest with wild (friendly)animals. Raising both(!) my kids there doing home education (until perhaps high school?).

3) What would you do with a billion dollars?
Well obviously strive to make my above dream come true..
I would put a large sum of money aside for my kids to enjoy (both for stuff growing up and for their future like higher education).
I would then give some of the money to family and friends.
With a billion dollars, I guess I would still have plenty left, so.. there is this blogger whom I've been following for some years now. She could be the most wonderful mother ever. Except money speaks and she can't afford the cost of becoming one. I think it's totally unfair not to be able to become a mother due to finances. So I guess the rest of the money will go to her and other mothers to be who can't afford it.

4) What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Nature. Seeing a bird flying in the sky, or hearing it sing or a hedgehog or any other animal.
And of course my little girl. Her smile melts me down :-)).

5) What is your bedtime routine?
Don't think we really have such a thing.. Butterfly shows signs of tiredness, we go to bed. She nurses and nurses and nurses, mostly while doing some gym, butt high in the air while feet and head (hmm mouth..) are on the "ground", or turning herself without disconnecting from the nipple (she's a champ!) etc. Eventually she will fall asleep and by then I'm mostly so tired myself I go to sleep too.

6) If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other? If you aren’t, what have you tried in the past few years to meet someone?
Nothing much. That date I talked about the other day..didn't hear a thing. I think it was the baby that turned him off.

7) What kind of books do you read?
I like historical novels, but any good read will do :-) [the question is more the time.. one book I have in my bag to read when going to work, another is in the toilet (and not that Butterfly lets me..), a third with my breakfast (hmm again not that she so lets me) when I'm not on the computer.

8) How do you see yourself in 10 years?
With a ten year old and hopefully a younger brother or sister.

9)What’s your fear?
Plenty. Since the birth of my daughter, I think dying is the number one.

10) Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
Well on one hand I'd love to see outer space. And junk food is so not healthy! On the other.. I'm claustrophobic and being stuck in a space ship without being able to exit for who knows how long doesn't make me feel good, and you know, junk food is tasty! So I'm undecided..

11) What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Look at Butterfly and try to detrmine if we can sneek in a bit more sleep or if we call it day...

12) If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be? Or, if you’re single - if you could choose a significant other who looked like anyone in the world, who would it be?
no comprendo! If I'm in a relation I get to change any feature but if single it's the look that counts?? Anyway I guess if it's the looks then I'd choose a guy that looks like my daughter as she does not look like me at all.

13) If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I've been living with my name for over 40 years now, I'm pretty used to it by now..
But I like the names Sarah, and Ruth andRachel (again can never see myself in them and not names I'd pick for my daughter, just names I like).

14) If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?
Choosing between sun and rain?? Oh, a hard one! I'll be greedy and take both! And bring a nice rainbow too!!

15) If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
I think I'd go with fruit (though technically that's not just one thing..)

16) What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
I think most of all it's this sense of community. Reading about other SMCs (or SMCs in the making) and writing about how this journery unfolds for us. A place to vent as well as to share my joys.
And also knowing that perhaps one day Butterfly will want to read here, things that don't get written in her scrapbook..

17) Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Again, I am not making a choice as I like both!

18) What items are in your purse right now?
Hmmm.... you mean that empty (or almost emty though can't remember now what's still in it) thing thrown in some hidden corner?
But the bag I carry for work, beyond teaching material contains my wallet, a book I'm reading (see #7) a notebok and lip balm. In baby bag, besides baby stuff there's again lip balm, a hair brush (I never use it, but I always check back it's there..) and I think that's it (wallet of course when in use).

19) If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go?
I think I'd go with the beach. (though neither would be my first choice)

20) What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn’t? [have to change this question as I do not have a TV!] So I'll go with the reverse - What would you like to watch on TV that you are not watching?
Well there was this programme, I think it was called "Little Angels" in which a psychologist (mainly Tanya..) came and helped with some parenting issues. I liked it more than Super Nanny.

And now for the tags.. I'm tagging

• Naomi at Surviving Single Motherhood
• Jackie at Me Plus One
• Shannon at Musings of a Fat Chick
• Jess at Baby in the making

P.S
Zero! I have zero posts in my reader, as in - your reading list has no unread items! (and another half an hour of idle internetting as I forgot this hour's pupil is on a trip..)

P.P.S
Oops! seems I accidentaly pressed the publish button instead of the save on a nanny rant post I am working on..

Iced Ink

I thought back them it was hard having a shower with such a small baby, thought it would be easier as she grows. Well, no!!!! Sometimes she'll sit curiously outside, but mostly at some point she'll scream. So I don't shower too often, and well.. the title says it..

But more than me, let's talk about cleaning my little Butterfly. At first I used baby bath and all was well. But she out grew it, and truth is I dragged using that baby bath a bit too long. Anyway wasn't sure how to bathe her as I have no (adult) bath. My original plan was when she'll be some-what older to have her sitting on a plastic chair in the shower, but she's not quite ready for that now, so not an option.. At one time I went to my mother's and we had a bath together in her bath. At first she was a bit scared so I sat in the bath with her and nursed her.. I am so happy I can calm her like that :-). I really enjoyed that bath together - a mother and daughter together in the bath. Though for me the water was a bit cold.. But it's at my mum's house and I do need help dressing her afterwards [the room near the bath is cold, no heater. Downstaris where I would dress her is open to everyone. Obviously I'd dress her before I dress myself, but it's down-stairs, where anybody can see..]. So while it seems a good solution, we don't do it too often (in fact, we haven't after those first two tries..).
But then I do not want bathing at my mum's do be the solution. Good for now and then but not for the everyday bath. And so I got a tub, you know the one, used mainly for washing. And size wise it ideal! She can sit in it and has plenty of room. So we had our first bath in it, and all was well. Then, for some reason or another, we didn't have a bath in about a week. The week that she learnt to stand. The next time I put her in that tub (and probably my mistake for being concerned first with wetting her and not with showing her the toys..), she just got up and screamed and screamed and screamed. [I will note that while I most certainly call what she did screaming, sister says Butterfly was just crying. the truth is probably somewhere in between..]. From then it became quite impossible to bathe her - she stands up, refuses to sit and screams/cries. Tried putting her together with her two yr cousin. nope. Tried warmer water. nope. Tried more water. nope. Tried less water. nope. Tried more toys. nope. Mum tried in her bath. nope (o.k, she did get her bathed, but not without tears being shed). Tried breastfeeding her while in the tub. Not an easy feat, to say the least. nope (well yes while on the breast, but not a second after..). What I do eventually do* is take her out when she cries, and while she's on me put the soap on and then wash it off with water - yes, while she's still on me.. So bath is a rare occasion in our household nowadays.


And not so related (well should do something about the stench, lol), I understand sis has a guy to fix me up with for a blind date. I don't know anything about him yet, so I am jumping my horses, but.. How do you do it? How do you date when you have a little baby at home? More so when mother goes to bed together with daughter [I know this is not the best thing to do, but right now it works best for us..]? I mean for that first date I could ask my mother to watch the girl, but I don't know about next possible dates, and well I can't go out saying - you're a nice guy but I have a baby so won't be able to see you again until...... As I said I am ahead of me. I only just heard there's a guy...

And talking about guys, a weird dream I had. I'll cut it short to the point - this guy (and might I add that I dreamt it before hearing of potential date) gives me this wedding ring, except on the ring is engraved the name Emily (not my name!) and I don't remember what else. He couldn't/didn't even bother rubbing previous girl's name! Was totally weird as weddings and guys (in the dating sense) are not ususally what I dream about. [I wonder if this guy I'm suppose to date had an Emily before, lol]

* I am told to just wash her and she'll get used to it etc. I am not willing to make bathing time a trauma for her.