June

Have you noticed the time on this post? It took me till almost 22:30 to get Butterfly to sleep. sigh. And it's not the first day nor will it be the last where it is difficult to put her to sleep. I suspect she doesn't really need her afternoon nap anymore. Asked nanny to not put her to sleep. Of curse nanny put her to sleep. Urg! And today was her easy day, only 3.5 hours (other days range from 4 till almost 5). When I showed my disapproval, nanny goes about waking her up from her nap.NO! Once she's sleeping, please do not wake her up, but then again please do not put her to sleep. The result no doubt is it taking me forever to put her to sleep for the night. And oh we had some bitings and goofing and being really tired but also not enough in order to just lay and relax and fall asleep. Knowing I'll have a hard time, I took her to the playground before supper and all. Could do that today as it was relatively early. Can't do so every day.

And I so didn't plan to write so much about that! [I did want to do a post about the ICLW and how I was really good the first half of the week and how the second half... with blogger having some kind of problems with the sign in to comment, Butterfly going to sleep very late, it being hot, me not feeling well.. well the second half didn't go too well]*

But if I did write so much above.. nanny stuff. I have not been pleased with this nanny at all during the year. Lots of small things and big things. Basically she's about her and how to make it better for her, less about my girl. For example she has never put a CD on for my daughter, only the radio for her entertainment, not taking her for walks (and then taking her to the playground but keeping her strapped in the pram [except when she puts her on the swing]. "for her safety" she says. what she should do is go around chasing my little girl and making sure she's fine. i can't tell her to let her loose because then i would be responsible if anything happened and well as i am not around, i can't be) and making her sleep. I do not know what she does. I do know how I can't get her to have a second nap on weekends. But of course it is easier for her if Butterfly sleeps and hour or two (and between you and me, if not for our dear nights [it's 23:45! yikes] I'd really rather as it would mean less time of nanny actually being with my girl). So anyway not pleased with her. Now I didn't look for anyone to replace her as I was both scared that before I had someone nanny would find out and leave my with nothing and my little girl having to deal with a new person.
So dear nanny asked me for a recommendation and dear me refused to give her one. Now I knew she was about to ask (little bird, from my nanny to sister's nanny [or was it sister's nanny telling her she should get a letter of recommendation??] to sister to mother to me...) and I was troubling myself how to approach it. I was going to say yes and then try and write something very vague. Well I ended up refusing. She asks why am I punishing her (!) and that she always got recommendations from all the places she worked before (a. fine, then you have no problem with recommendations, one less really won't matter. b. liar as no doubt you haven't worked as a nanny before..). I don't think a recommendation is a must for me (and I think I was very nice giving her a Pesach gift). So she talks about how she doesn't know if she can carry on working for me, as in she will finish the month but doesn't know about June. It was Monday that we had this conversation, I have no idea what is going to happen in the month of June. I do know that last year I also had to not work in June (you know, giving birth..) so it will be quite bad if again June will be off. O.K it's midnight, I should be heading to bed.


* Which brings me to the fact that I have gazillion posts in my reader, a post birthday blues, no mood to read and not much time either. I will catch up on you, I promise, it just might take some time. [for this week, in honor of ICLW I didn't take a morning nap with Butterfly. I think I'd like to go back to it, leaving me only the nights for all my internet stuff]

SuperClimber

O.K, I know I said I'll try not to post about my girl, but.. I will post this video down below so if you can and want to, you'll have to scroll down. If you are not up to it, feel free to pass!
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Oh, before I continue, my "save me" in previous post.. I have a shift button that often gets stuck and a caps lock button with no light showing it's pressed and between the two of them I just couldn't press the comma button,,,,
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Just thought I'd explain so you didn't think I'm complelty weird.
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ICLW

ICLW - the commenting week at the end of the month. Didn't participate in one for a very long time!
I am (yet again) so very much behind on my blog reading, yet I'm going to put aside reading my regular blogs for this week (sorry guys. though I do peek a lot at my reader to see what's new) and attempt to read at least a post from everyone on the ICLW list. May is the month I love to participate in, as the last day of ICLW is my birthday..
So in short about me (besides my birthday being on the 28th lol) - I am a single mother by choice to this amazing little girl who is almost one year old. I do talk mainly about her on my blog, but as I know there are many of you who are not yet fortune to have a child, and I think it's worse when she's a baby, I am going to try and not speak about her for this week.
Other than that not much to say. Lets see, I teach for a living [please save me! the "shift" and the "caps lock" keys are conspiring against me!], live in Israel, have cats..

The meaning of life

yep, that big question..

I believe in the before and after life. That there is this higher form of life where our souls live, but for some reason (a lesson we want to learn), we materialize as humans (or ants or zebras or grass or trees..). In that after/before life place, we "decide" how/why/who we will connect on this life, like friends, a teacher and a pupil, friends, etc. Throughout my pregnancy, I completely had this sensation that Butterfly is a very old soul, not a newbie. I remember feeling how weird as obviously this is a baby and I should feel like she is new into the world. Now of course it could be my beliefs that made me feel that way, I don't know. I just know that that's how I felt. And I do believe that she is here to teach me a lesson and to learn one herself (as any other person).

On a side note, not sure yet how or if relevant but feel like I should mention.. ever since her birth, I feel much much older than just before, and I am very scared of dying. It's going to happen! I will die one day. And oh my! I just hope my little girl won't be so little.
And there was this programme I saw once ( I believe a BBC production) where they showed that all these near death experiences that we hear of, where people nearly die but haven't and came back to tell about it, with meeting with those who have already passed and the purple tunnel and the bright light and all, all those had some kind of scientific explanation. And I took that quite hard. [but now writing, they only proved that there may be scientific proof to the above phenomena, still doesn't mean that near death experiences aren't real..].

So, the other day I read this article. It talked about the big bang and the end of the universe, blah blah. And then it talked about how when the universe will end, it will end. There will be no other big bang to restart the stars and all. Just a big nothing (and even the black holes will die out). Now I thought the theory was that the universe is expanding and then will collapse and then expand again, etc. Or that if it will one day die, then there will be again a big bang etc. Not that the universe will one day die and that will be it.
And yes, that will happen so far into the future, that planet Earth will probably not even be a memory, and nobody will know there ever was a Billy and a Butterfly. But if the universe is to die one day, then all my nice belief about the life before and after death, well not really possible. So if so, if we are not put here to learn a lesson, what is the meaning of life?? Is life really just a coincidence where the right organs and chemicals and all met? Are we just randomness or is there something more than that to life?
Yeah, the big question. That's what's on my mind these days. So on to you, my one and a half reader - What is your intake on the meaning of life, or do you think there's no meaning?
(P.S - scheduling this to be published sometime in the near future)

So, how was your night?

Ours? I bet you can guess by the title and by the time I started this post.
Probably teething. Urg! I think the more teeth she gets, the worse it gets.

If I leave this space empty, then it'll be 4! consecutive posts without a title. Now how's that for a title?

Just a little video from today :-).

Oh, yeah, what I wanted to say - I think I should say nothing about the dirty shirt (orange juice and mud!) because I think it might be a bit too dark to see. So I should also not appologize for Butterfly's very messy hair (she just woke up), again probably too dark to see. Savta is grandma in Hebrew, and I am very camera shy, so I try and be out of the frame and well, don't talk (but my mum does enough talking for both of us. lol).

[a third post in a row without a title!]

Before signing off and going to sleep (which as she wakes less often now, I allow myself to stay up and not go to sleep with her, lol. Problem is I can sometimes forget myself and not go to sleep until late).



My oldest niece, she is quite (hmmm.. very) cold towards my daughter. Which, well, she actually is usually great around babies, so why? My original thought was that as this is not her first younger cousin (she is the oldest most were born in recent years) plus she has very young brother and sister (half, not from my side), maybe she's tired of all the babies around her. Next thought is that I'm not cool [and I am not cool. I know that and don't really care..], so not cool to be around my kid. And seeing her hovering over my brother's daughters when they came for a visit.. [while at the same time totally ignoring my daughter (as well as her other cousins) oh well.]. And then today I'm thinking maybe it's the name. See, she and my daughter have a very similar first name and they are both named after my grandmother. She once commented (before me annoncing the name), how she doesn't like that my cousin gave her dughter this same second name. Well tough. She (Subta as we used to call her) was my grandmother as well as my sister's (her mother..) and my cousin. Just because she was born first doesn't mean we can't also name our child after the same person.



Bath. Doing so much better! She now actually enjoys it! Loves splashing water :-) [although she does need a little nudge going in, and really doesn't like when I wash her hair and water gets in/near her eyes.
We are still having our baths outside. I do think we are ready to come in but also that it is so much more fun having a bath outside, that I think we'll stay outside as long as the weather permits.



We are nearing the end of the Pesach holiday. As much as it is hard being all day every day with her with mostly nothing special to do, I also very much like being 24/7 with her. And the joy that an hour's relief can bring :-) [i.e sister watching her while I quickly go to the shops]. We are a bit off balanced from the little schedule routine we had, so I do want to get back on track there, but so don't want to hand her over to the nanny, and not so much because she's a crap nanny (and no, that doesn't help), just because I want her all to myself!



And now for why I'm actually sitting and writing this post (it is now almost midnight. While writing I had to put her back to sleep. Unfortunatly as I wanted to be quick so that to continue writing, I didn't offer the bowl. Yes she peed and yes she is still with her wet trousers. I just prefer changing her when she's fast asleep because otherwise there will be a lot of crying and god knows when there'll be sleep again!). I wanted to tell you, tell someone, how cute she was when she woke from her (very belated, see, told you off schedule) morning nap. Ususally I'd go in and see her lying with her eyes open. And then, as soon as she sees me, what a big smile! I so love that seeing mummy smile of hers :-). Anyway I go check on her and she is still asleep (about time for her to wake) so I go back to the other room. Half a minute later I see her coming to me. That was the cutest thing ever! I never know how long she lies in bed until I come (I do think that not much as I don't hear her), but she has never done that before [and I will add that she knows only too well how to get in and out of our bed, so it's not something she's just learnt].


EDT - "and god knows when there'll be sleep again!" - I knew when I wrote it that I shouldn't. You know, jinxing. Changing her went well and I managed to lie a few minutes before.... almost quarter to two when she finally got to sleep [and even now as I'm typing she's making noises]. She just fights it and fights it and fights it. Earlier today we came home from sister, over 1/2 an hour drive [that is, with my sister driving fast..]. She was tired (and doesn't so much like being in cars), but would she sleep? Her eyes were closing from time to time, but no, she will not sleep! Instead she screamed almost the whole journey. Oh the joy. It's already 2 am now. I really liked it better when I went to sleep when she did and had a good night's sleep (even if waking often enough during the night).