Monday, 10 November 2008

Fear

I want to be a mother. I also want ever so much to be pregnant. To have a baby growing inside me, to feel it growing and developing, to feel its kicks and movements, to have this special bond only a mother can have with her kid from a time before he or she is born.
And yet, in the last few days, I fear the feeling of something growing in me. Is it the claustrophobic me thinking of this fetus locked up in a small space for such a long period of time!? Is it because I doubt if I'm ready, if I'll ever be ready!? Or maybe it's the morning sickness which who knows if I'll be one of those who it more or less skips them or if I'll be one of those who vomits all day.
Anyway, I am pretty sure that it won't be this time (though I did have another dream in which we [who?] were counting 18 days of elevated temperature [=pregnancy..], but that could be wishful thinking. Although yet again, that night, before going to sleep I did ask that if I am pregnant to be notified in a dream..),I have a feeling my period is just around the corner.

6 comments:

Fat Chick said...

My hopes are with you! I think its natural to be fearful, especially with a first pregnancy. There will be all these changes, and who knows what they will be?

Dora said...

It is natural to be fearful. You also have a ton of hormones in you exacerbating the fear.

When's your beta? Remember, early pg feels a lot like PMS.

BTW, my dingbat sister manages as a single mom. (My niece is 10, my sister hasn't managed to completely screw her up yet.) We can do it!

Billy said...

Thank :-)

Dora - I'm still in the TWW (nearing the end), but I'm quite positive that it's going to be another negative (completly no symptoms), so I doubt if there'll be a Beta..

Dora said...

Your clinic doesn't make you go in for a blood test? Pee sticks can be WRONG!

Also, some women really don't feel pg symptoms for quite a while. Since you've never been pg, you could be very wrong about this. I HOPE SO!

Meg said...

I think it's normal to have those fears. Life changes are scary and no one is ever 100% with no doubts ready for them. I hope this is it for you!

Billy said...

My clinic tells me to come in for a Beta if I don't get my period in two weeks.

I prefer not hearing a "no" over the phone, so I will only go in and have a Beta if/when I'm sure of a "yes".

I also am not peeing on sticks at the moment. Will do so only if I'm late.. (don't think I could cope with seeing a negative after a negative).