Thursday, 12 November 2009

GIRL or BOY ?

Later on today I'll be having the NT scan. Sister #3 said that with all of her kids (3) that's when she was told the gender, so maybe today I'll know.. I'm not having my hopes high and I know if and whatever they see won't be final because it is still early, but still..

So, boy.. girl.. boy.. girl... what do the cards hold for me? And does it matter if it's a boy or a girl? Read the other day a post by Calliope about this company advertising toys as either boys' (pages or blue and only boys are featured playing) or girls' (pink and only girls get to play with these toys). I think that it's very sad how we push a gender role into our kids at such an early age. I have a nephew whose mother weened him from his sheep(s) because while o.k for a baby, was not o.k for a boy (my boy playing with dolls!?) and a niece who when father came with a gift helmet for brother and also wanted, was told it's not for girls and he'll get her something else (a doll??) and another nephew (a baby) who is always dressed in blue, etc.. I so don't believe in that kind of behaviour. I believe in giving both boys and girls the chance to play with dolls and trucks and wear pink and red and blue and mauve. I think it can only enhance their experience, make their lives more fuller. Yes, if my boy chooses he doesn't want to play with dolls, that's fine with me, as long as it is a choice that came from him (or her, of course..) and not because what society dictates.

As for this child growing in me, he must be a boy! I mean with a name like Birdy.. I didn't choose this name thinking of gender, but in the aftermath it sounds very masculine to me. Even my sister (without me saying a thing) mentioned that Birdy must be a boy. The main reason why I actually would rather not to have a boy, is that cutting business at 8 days. I think I rather not have a Brit, but not completely sure how I feel about it, but I don't feel like I really have a choice in the matter. If I want and will need help (and I'm sure I will), I cannot not have this ceremony. I once, on an old blog way before I was actually thinking of becoming an SMC, posted about the pros and cons of such an act. I saw it as a three way question - religious, health and social. As for as health, from the little I read I saw it went both ways. Religious was (is) the point that actually annoys me as it means only males are truly Jewish.. couldn't they choose to have an ear pierced or something that would enable women to be part too?? And then there's the social side. A big one here in a Jewish state where the vast majority of males are circumcised. And writing that post back then, not even saying I'm against, just mentioning that maybe not, I was so shocked by the comments I got. People who religion means nothing really to them, were saying how can I do this to a child..
I am also scared, with a boy, into falling into this place where he has to be strong and the man of the house and all. I am thinking less of baby/child-hood, and more as a young adult. Frightened that he will feel the need to protect his mother, because, well, he's the man..

A boy?? You kidding me!? I mean she is a girl for sure! Just look at her due date, three days after my birthday. My birthday is 5 days before my mother's, and while my mother always loved this, for me it always seemed too close. While I never did or didn't cycle according to the supposed due date, I kept saying to myself how I don't want to give birth at around my birthday.. let my child have their own independent day. So if the EDD is that close to my birthday, she must be a girl! (a boy, being a boy will have his difference, whereas as two women..)
On the positive side, I always thought that first daughter's and mum's have such a great relationship! I know now I was mistaken, but growing up I always envied my eldest sister for the relation she had with my mother. In my eyes they seemed so close and I so wanted to have that closeness with my mother.
But then again.. there's the name I chose. Her name is too similar to another member of the family. I like the name I chose, and I will (probably) go with it, but I don't think I like it being so similar. Oh well, the first name just happens to be alike and the second name will be after the same person. And then there's my daughter being a teenager, or maybe a bit older (much older, I hope!), asking me about my sex life and all the boy girl stuff, and what do I tell her... I mean if my boy asks for advice about how to be with a girl, I think I'll be more at ease with answering, but a girl asking for boy tips!?

And the wanting to know.. for many years I was very much in the - let me be surprised at birth. Lately I feel I have to know, because if it's a boy, I have to at least mentally prepare myself for the Brit. But then I was asked the other day if I want to know, and you know what, regardless of Brit or no Brit, yes, I do want to know. I do want to be happy and thrilled about having a girl or a boy, I do want this early bonding with my child. And yes, I will be overjoyed with whatever I have!

5 comments:

Calliope said...

will be thinking of you & hoping it is a smooth scan!! I wasn't told for certain that W was a boy at my NT scan as I was only 12 weeks along then, but off the record the tech did think there were boy bits! But she also said that girl bits can look like boy bits that early as well...heh

Quiet Dreams said...

Funny, I always thought Birdy sounded feminine (I knew an older woman named Birdie).

My friends whose baby was just born this week didn't find out the sex before the birth. They bought and received blue AND pink things from different people, and will use them all, much to the chagrin of some of their family members who think that only boys can wear blue (or use a blue nursing pillow).

Good luck with the whole brit decision. I know it is a difficult one and very complex. (Maybe you won't have to make it!)

bleu said...

Please, please, please read through these in your decision making process.

http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/

http://www.cirp.org/library/cultural/maimonides/

http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/circumcision.htm

http://www.nocirc.org/publish/

Dora said...

I also have mixed feelings about the circumcision issue. For some of the same reasons as you. When I found out I was having a girl, one of my first thoughts was relief about not having to make that decision. Also, like you, if this baby had been a boy and I decided on circumcising, there would have been no ceremony. Ick! A ceremony and party for a surgical procedure? NO!

Tanya said...

I'm happy you don't need to make the circumcision decision. Congrats on the GIRL!

I despise when people try to push their views on others whether is circumcision or what colour of clothing the baby wears.

I don't think anyone will have issues if my next baby is a girl and she wears blue pajamas. Some of them certainly had something to say about the baby doll I bought for my son and the pink shirt I dressed him in.