Symptom Watch

I am so tired. So so tired. Just a few hours after waking up I can't wait for an afternoon nap. I mean I do, usually, get somewhat tired taking care of a toddler, but not like this. Today and yesterday I slept with her the whole nap! (if I do nap with her I usually join her after an hour or so. and thank you that she is napping!).
But isn't this way too early?? If Chukka Bukka and Lukka or one or two of them are growing, they are hardly past the blastocystis stage. Could it be the weather!? [rain!!] or maybe being a weekend? [going now to do some googling..]

A Dream

Not sure where I was or with who (but not at home and/or with family) but I gave birth to my second child. It was such an easier birth! In no time and with no pain [I do recommend giving birth in dreams, lol]. But I don't think I saw the baby. I then went home, but without the baby (because s/he had to go to the hospital??*). Was wondering how and if to tell people I gave birth. Was thinking something about how the Ides of March is not such a great day for delivering a baby, but the 16th of March is a great day!! (yes, apparently it was the 16th of March when I gave birth). But when I came and everyone was there (I was expecting only my mother), I just shouted out the fact that I just gave birth. Everyone was happy and excited, but no baby.

I really don't like the idea that in all the dream there was no actual baby, I don't think it's a good sign. Oh well, did somebody say the crazy two weeks?

*It was a strange point in the dream too as I did not give birth in a hospital but I guess I had to find some "excuse" for why I didn't have baby with me.

Chukka, Bukka & Lukka

Yes, all three of them are in me right now! (and shall I mention it was a Wed. transfer? oh well..)
I had only four eggs on Monday, three of which fertilized. And so a decision had to be made - how many to transfer. [and why does the woman get the data on her eggs when she is lying half naked on the chair/bed?? Why can't you have this data before you get undressed!? So that when I come in I have already thought about it and not in an embarrassing situation? (though technically I did have a gown so my privates were covered until the doctor actually transferred, but still, it's the principle.] Anyway, I had two that were looking good and the third one a bit less but still pretty good. I decided to transfer three because:

1. I am okay with twins. Not so sure about triplets and if that will be the case I know that whatever decision I  make it will be a hard one, but I also don't think it has such a high chance.
2. Dr, said that transferring all three increases the chances of pregnancy. I won't transfer nine (or eight ;-)) to increase the chance to get pregnant, but if it's between three and two I think I will go with the better chance.
3. I read once that transferring a weaker one could be like food for the other embryos, that they can nourish on it.
4. He didn't want the weaker one to be frozen immediately but to see if it grows into a blastocystis.If this cycle doesn't work, then I'd have a FET with a blastocystis. I believe it has a higher chance of succeeding the less it grows outside my body. This is not based on anything, so maybe there is research that indicates otherwise, but my heart tells me it is wrong for my baby(ies) to do the growing on a cold dish [it's probably heated up to mimic the uterus, but you get what I mean, right?]<
5. If this cycle does succeed, then I have this poor little lone embryo and what do I do with it? Beyond getting pregnant a second time (if.. when..) I will not ttc again. So do I keep it frozen for ever? Do I let them destroy it? (I can't donate it).<

Anyway that was my rational while in stirrups for transferring all three. I should be doing the Beta on Monday (two weeks less two days) but that will be a bit difficult with the studying, so I'll probably have to wait till the next day to test. [I have a HPT I wanted to do on the day of the Beta so I will go in knowing. Not sure if I'll hold back and also do it on Tues or if I'll already do it on Mon].

P.S

I do already have names for my kids - a boy's names, a girl's name and a unisex name [so I'm okay for a singleton and for twins of different sex or the same!!] and at first going out of the room I called the embryos by those names. But I think it is too early for that (what if it doesn't succeed?) so I came up with Chukka, Bukka and Lukka.

Monday

Next week I am starting my studies. I will be studying two days a week - Monday and Wednesday. These are two full long days in which I won't really be able to work but the more annoying part is that there is one day between them, so it will be waking up very early, then our regular late then very early again. Not sure how that will work out with a little girl.. 

So this coming Monday I am to start my studies! Very excited about that :-). So yes, Monday here you come with my new laptop I bought for the occasion. Or, well.... does the egg retrieval have to fall on Monday?? Yes, missing the first day sucks totally. If it was during the year I would feel much better about it (and probably know someone enough to ask for her notes), but not the first day. I will go to the first lesson and might be back on time for the final lesson, at least something.. [I am thinking if I should say something to the secretary (or whatever her job title is), on one hand they are very friendly and it does look bad not attending the first day. On the other hand, not sure I want to share that I'm undergoing IVF treatments, not for any particular reason besides me being a very shy and private person)].

Now I have to hope that the transfer will NOT be on Wednesday. Please say with me - transfer shall not be on Wednesday! [funny thing, I think it was you Shannon who asked or said something about doing everything in the cycle like the previous one, the one that worked (or was it you Little One, or both of you :-)). Though this cycle we did do things like my successful one, I actually would rather it not be exactly the same [not sure why, maybe the fear of having high expectation as it must work since it did last time, and then having a downfall), Not the same except for the day of the transfer. I had a day 2 transfer back then and would love would have loved to have a day 2 transfer again. But well, missing also Wednesday? Please NOT!

Besides that, as soon as I finish this post, I will be getting into my little chemist position, preparing my Menopur (if you ask me, the worst part is breaking the ampules with the solvent.. I really hate that part!).

EDT - that second ampule just broke into tiny pieces (that's a first!). For fear that some tiny pieces might have fallen inside (and then me injecting them..) I had to break another one. Oh well..

The Aware Baby / Aletha Solter - not a book review

This book had a great impact on me and I am glad I heard about it.. I don't always agree with the author's ideas or it doesn't always work for us, but still I thing it was a great read for me.

The one major thing I've learnt from this book, is that Butterfly is allowed to cry. Now I am not talking here (and for the rest of this post) about a young baby crying because he wants to eat or sleep or whatever his need might be. No, not the crying that is for us adults to fulfill a need in a helpless infant, more the cry that is "just" an emotion or else. Because if the baby is crying because he is hungry, there is nothing else than to feed him. But a baby who is crying because he is frustrated or sad or whatever, we usually try to calm the baby down, to stop him from crying. But then what are we doing? We are teaching baby that negative emotions are bad, that we have to keep them for ourselves, not show them. And then, don't we adults need an outlet sometimes? We can have a bad day and blog about it, we can phone a friend and cry to her on the phone about the rough day we are having or even hit a pillow or something. A baby can't, all he can do is cry. And like we wouldn't want someone to stop us in the middle of our rant and say to us - there there. nothing to rant about, here take a cookie, probably the baby doesn't like when we do that to him.. And the cookie.. unrelated to this book because even before reading it I knew it is wrong to try and calm a crying baby with food as I do not want food issues, don't want her to associate being sad etc with eating, but my mother would always tell me to give her something to eat when Butterfly was crying, because that sure will calm her down. Most likely, but then I'll be teaching her the above...And why is crying such a bad thing in our eyes? My mother doesn't stand it when Butterfly cries, "oh, stop that noise" she tells me.Why can't we embrace the crying baby, let her know it is totally okay to feel sad? So my key word to my mother when Butterfly cries when she's around..) is that Butterfly is allowed to cry!

But then, according to Solter, you are not supposed to let the baby/toddler cry alone. You should be there with him, hug him and let him know you are there for him. I love that in theory but my daughter? She has a big DO NOT HUG ME sign on her when crying or even do not touch me. So I sit back and try to show her I am there for her. And then I do want her to stop crying (because I do want to continue with trying to go to sleep, for eg. and maybe I am being a bad mother not trying to calm her down..) but want her to let it all out. Yes, I would call these sessions CIO (cry it out) as I want her to get it all out, but a very big difference from the common CIO procedure of which I won't say another word besides that I am totally against (because I know some of you readers do/did use it). I don't remember when we last had a big crying session, which I don't know if that's good or bad..

Another problem is that many if these cries are caused by me. I mean I am the straw and it's the frustration of the hard day or whatever, but it is still me not allowing her that extra cup of milk or whatever. It's not easy also being the trigger and also letting her cry about it. That's not to say that I never calm her down when she cries, I just try and not prevent her from crying because it would make me feel better. I also taught her that when she falls and hurts herself, she comes to me for a kiss and not me to her. I know it sounds cruel because what mother would not run to their child when they fall and cry with them.. But seeing my sister hover over her child even on the slightest fall and not giving them a chance to learn how they are feeling, well I believe my child should have the right to have the first responds. Maybe it didn't hurt her? Maybe it wasn't as painful as it looked from the side? Butterfly when falling - gives a little whine or a little cry, comes to me and shows me where it hurts and is back to happy girl after she gets the kiss. (that is if she cries/whines, because many times she will be just fine.). But I think I've digressed..

So while I do like the idea of letting her crying when she needs to, it is not always easy to follow.

Another thing I've learnt from her and from positive parenting blogs I read, is about praise and how it is not always such a good thing (encouragement is better) but I think this post is long enough and I'm sure I'll go into it in another post I hope to write some day, so that will be it for now.

P.S

CD2! 

worms

The other day I thought Butterfly had worms as it took extra long to get her to sleep (something like 3 hours! she has never been easy to get to sleep but 3 hours?!) and she was complaining that her bottom hurts (I thought at first a poo that's not coming out). I now doubt it was worms (I looked a few times closely down below and didn't see anything moving (oh, I hope that wasn't TMI..), but at the time, middle of the night with a holiday the next day so even if I knew what to do I wouldn't be able to get anything (and my mum who would know about stuff like that is away and can't help me). Anyway now that I've read some, I think I'd like to share in case anybody might need this information.

I dug this up from a natural parenting site, so most of the remedies are natural, but there is of course a conventional treatment. Here it is called Vermox (as it accepted the spelling, I suppose not only here...) and you need a prescription for it (at least here). You take it once and then again maybe a week later (or two weeks? obviously according to what the dr. says).
I myself am not keen on starting with proper medicine so I would wait to see if anything else helps, but not wait too long because with girls, if they are not treated, the worms can move on to the vagina.

Besides that, whatever treatment you choose, it is important to keep hygiene. The kid scratches his butt, eggs get on the hand (mainly under the fingernails)  and then he puts his hand in the mouth or touches food etc and the eggs  go through the digestive system back to the intestine. So wash hands after scratching and before eating. In the morning wash the butt and change underwear. Don't sleep with a bare butt. Change beddings (and of course wash them) frequently, also air them in the sun as the worms do not like sun light. Wash clothes, sheets etc in at least 60 degrees celsius (sorry, I have no idea what's that in F).
If the child is also suffering from constipation, treat it as the worms could be stuck in the poop in the intestines and as long as there are worms and eggs there you can't get finish treating the worms.

And now for the natural remedies:

• Starve your enemy. Worms like sugar, so don't eat any sugars, including fruit, honey and other natural sweeteners.

• unroasted pumpkin seeds are known in Chinese medicine as helpful in the battle against worms. Recommended in the morning on an empty stomach. Also good is fresh carrot.

• Put a drop of tea tree oil on wet cotton wool and rub the butt. I will add that somewhere else I read that it could burn, so I'm not sure about this.

• Whether you undergo the conventional treatment or a natural one, supplement the treatment with acidophilus which is an intestine friendly bacteria. These help fight the worms from the inside and support the digestive system and prevent it from getting hurt.

• Garlic, to be used in a few ways: 1) crush and put down below. may burn but is helpful [I wouldn't..]; 2) cover a clove in vaseline and penetrate [again, not something I would do. but if you do, make sure when you peel the garlic clove that you don't injure it so as not to burn! I though did put a garlic clove in her knickers); 3)rub bottom with some garlic oil; 4)garlic capsules as suppositories; 5) eat foods with garlic; 6) cook milk with garlic sweeten with some honey and drink it.

• oregano oil [not sure what to do with it..]

• A sugar bath - for an immediate relief even if temporary. Worms love sweet, so this method tempts them to come out.. You melt 1/2 a kilo (I think that's about 1 pound?) of sugar in warm water and then pour it into a bath with only water, no soap. Don't fill bath too high, only so the water will cover the child's bottom. Put the child inside and within minutes the water will have worms in it. yuck, yes! take the child out, empty the bath and give a proper wash to the child. [I tried that one tonight, just to be on the safe side. Nothing came out and a good thing because she was also trying to put the (sugared :-) ) water in her mouth. so it sounded to me like a great idea but you might have to watch your child carefully..].

• At night rub vaseline on the child's anus. Worms that come out at night get stuck in it.. Wash in the morning.

• Pomegranate - boil the peel of a pomegranate in water and drink about a 1/4 of a cup, can add milk.

A day in life..

I think it is nice reading all these mundane single mother posts. How we are so alike and yet so different :-). So I decided to join with a day in our life. Though it will be a bit hard to write for two reasons: 1. We are very much not schedule people. I can't say we get up at ...... and do this at such a time etc, only vaguely [my speller is back, yay!!]; and 2. We are now in the middle of the holidays (Succot now) so these days now are not typical, but anyway I'll try and think back..

But first, if I mentioned Succot, let me proudly tell you that I "built" a Succah. I have been wanting to have a Succah ever since Butterfly was born but it somehow never happened. This year I was determined so I hung some sheets round a pergola. We are still working on the decorations.. [it a custom for the kids to sit in the holiday and make paper chains and other decorations]

So our day..

Depending on when we went to sleep, we wake up in the morning ("we" that means Butterfly, she wakes up which makes me wake up). I think on a day when the going to sleep the previous night was okay, then wake up would be around 7:00-8:00. Still in bed we have a nursing session until (usually I) decide to get up. I go and have my morning sessions at the computer while Butterfly rarely leaves me alone [some need coffee in the morning, I need some unwinding aloneish time]. She goes between nursing and playing and asking me to read her books etc. She also has some "milk" (soy milk). 

About an hour later we make our breakfast - a vegetable salad in which Butterfly cuts the cucumbers [yes, I have to finish it off, but I love that Butterfly is learning to use a knife (and yes, she cuts them by herself...)], toasted bread with white cheese and tea. Sometimes we have egg and/or tuna etc.

After breakfast we mostly play a bit (or more she plays while I clean up). Sometimes we have this or that to do, other days not. It is soon going to be cooler days (one can hope!) and maybe we'll go back to having a morning walk, but it is too hot for that now, so we just play and do nothing special.

If I am lucky, by about 12:00 she goes down for a two hour nap, but a nap is never certain as is the hour in which it occurs. Usually at 14:00 the nanny comes and I head of for work. One big disadvantage of my work is that it is very limiting hours (and being without a car limits me even more as I need "bus time"). This is very much why I am studying translation - in the hopes that I will be able to have that extra work which I could do at home when B is sleeping.

The nanny takes her to her house (unless she's asleep, of course) and brings her back around 19:00 plus. Sometimes I pick her up from the nanny's but mostly she brings her back. The nanny is a simple but very warm and loving, and so are the others in her family who also attend to Butterfly (mainly her 20yr daughter, but also her twin brother and the rest). I really love how Butterfly is part of their lives and how she is family to them. That is what I wanted when I was looking for a nanny..

Butterfly has mostly eaten, but if not then she has pasta or egg etc. Besides that, we play a bit, I try and have a bit of computer time [my name is Billy and I am addicted to the computer], from here to there it seems like bed time. Bed time is up to her to "decide". She will come up to me to nurse and I would say that if she wants then in bed (but I explain how first we would need to have a shower etc). At some point she says okay and we have our shower and I brush her teeth [when given to her to do, she just bites her brush, never does any brushing movements. urg, I wish she would..] put on a nighty (or if in the wash, whatever is loose enough for the night) and we start our sometimes long (could take over an hour), rarely short process of getting B to sleep (I breastfeed her to sleep). At about 1ish she wakes up to pee (I hold her on the potty as she is half asleep). And that's it mostly for the night.. 

And talking about a mundane day, the other day I took this video of us with my tablet. It is a bit long and nothing really special to report [if you do watch - please ignore my hair (yeah right, you are now only looking at it, lol), and those silly questions.. I was trying to get her to say something for the camera :-)], but I loved seeing it, seeing how me and her are together. Because yes, I know how we interact and all but somehow I never get to see it.