Saturday:

"I am not pregnant"

"no symptoms, ha.. but wait, don't forget the embryo was a late bloomer, so let's give it a few more days.."

Sunday:

"not pregnant"

"not pregnant"

"not pregnant"

oh wait, the boobs that are really big and really hurt? could that be more than just the progesterone supplements? maybe??

and then at night, feeling that feeling in my boobs, the one I KNOW means something is happeing..

"I am pregnant"

"I am pregnant!"

Monday:

Sitting at lessons with a smile on my face, feeling an incy tincy feeling in my boob, waiting for the evening for when I will surely get that feeling of a body preparing to carry a baby. As the day proceeds, I start to understand that no, this is not going to happen. Not this time. It was probably a chemical pregnancy (I do believe I was feeling more than just the prog I am taking. In fact I am writing this post for future reference for myself) but now I am most certainly convinced

I am not pregnant!

I now very bad at taking those supplements because when I know, I know.

I am supposed to test on Monday (impossible as I study that day). I think I will skip the Beta and just wait for my period. IF I don't get my period by the end of next week, perhaps I'll go in for a Beta.

Unfortunately next cycle won't be for a few more months as I am now very hard financially.



EDT: Sat morning, got my period. which is a yay since I prefer getting it on the weekend and not when I'm studying a full long day or when we are invited to a birthday party... also I'm glad I "officially" know it's over.

quick update

Sorry I wasn't here lately, and so sorry I've again fallen behind on reading blogs. I actually usually even if I don't have time to really read posts at least have a quick glance at them in the reader so I am more or less up to date. This week, not even thato

Anyway, to update you.. After telling me that no embryo developed (how awful was that! to do a cycle and then to have nothing to transfer), the next day there was a late bloomer, so I had the the transfer the next day where I was told there is even another embryo (but it is too small, I don't have hope for that one). I did transfer both yesterday (the small one, in my eyes probably has a better chance to grow in me than to be frozen and then thawed plus I heard once that embryos that don't survive can "feed" the one that does survive).

And now the tww with the analyzing of every twinge... Please think sticky thoughts!

Post title?

• Last night I scolded my daughter (for playing with a candle and breaking it, if you must..) and her head went down and oh my. That is not how I want to parent! I don't punish her but I do occasionally shout at her and I hate myself for that but then I shout at her again :-(. I do believe in positive parenting, one that has no punishments and no shouting or threats (I am guilty of that too and I don't like that either [though I will say that when I do that, it is more of an immediate consequence than something in the future, but I would still rather if I didn't]. And I do believe it is something that can be done and is not too hard once you get the hang of it. My problems are: a. getting over my hot temper; b. getting over what I know as a child (being shouted at..)). And tonight with her head going down.... (and for a broken candle!!??) I do hope that was the last time!
• The other day Butterfly wanted me to read to her from these teaching English books. As they are for young learners, they have pictures, so we look at the pictures. Then we came across a grid of letters for a word search. Her mind must have been working trying to figure out what it was, because she then told me - keyboard(!) Now while you and I know it is far from being a keyboard, it does somewhat resemble it with letters arranged in rows. And I was (and am :-)) amazed because I do not teach her letters (not even sing to her the ABC song. I think she has very limited years of being a little child unaware of letters and words and a whole lifetime for reading and learning and all later on), so the fact that she recognizes that like a keyboard these are letters was a wow for me.
• I probably should update that I am cycling, but nothing much interesting to say. I take two injections every night. One stings. C'est tout.
  Okay I am actually stressed about the retrieval when I am going to be under anesthesia and who will watch over Butterfly. I just hope it does fall on a day I study [unlike my last cycle, lol] so I know she's okay with the nanny.
• Last but not least, I can't believe I have won a giveaway!! It is a book about parenting babies, and from what I have read it sounds like a great book! (she just sent it the other day so I haven't yet got it).[isn't this a sign this cycle MUST work? :-)]
• 
  

EDT: arranging my documents for tomorrow's monitoring, I look at the referral and it looks like something is missing but I'm not sure what. Comparing to an older referral I still have (thank god!) I notice that besides the lack of date, the PERSONAL DETAIL part is missing!! i.e the nurse forgot to put on the sticker with my name etc. I just hope hope hope they accept one or the other because I have not been injecting myself every night to now have to sit out!!!