pictures

Modeling plaits/braids :-)

me, at 2.5 - no resemblance :-)

Purim - my Shapes girl. I was sick so costume not all that good.. [circle in the front, in the back - square. hat was supposed to be a triangle, and she has shapes dangling from her waist (made it too long...) Somehow I wanted to do stars in her shoes, but didn't get around to that]

Holding a worm (for the first time..)
I LOVE her expression!

We were at the playground, when I saw Butterfly needed to pee. Rewinding to just before we left when she asked me to go to the playground and I really didn't feel like carrying the potty so I asked her if it will be okay if we don't take the potty and she said yes. Ha. So I see she needs to go, but nonetheless she refuses to go on the grass etc only to pee in her trousers. This phase is so so so frustrating! and annoying. So we headed home, me now carrying her bike (because she can't ride with her wet clothes [going to the playground was spontaneous so we didn't take spare clothes]).

Anyway that's just as a background.. So we are nearing home. She is happily climbing the wall she always likes to climb, we might have cut the playground short (but it was really getting dark, so anyway we would have been heading home shortly after) but we were fine. So we were nearing home when she spots some puddles and... goes running straight in. Yes she loves splashing in puddles (who wouldn't!), but... please not with those shoes! Our kind of last pair for now as the other pairs of shoes have also seen their share of mud. Errr... I also have the knowledge of us needing shoes for tomorrow* morning. So I flipped. I really did. I run up to her and violently pulled her out of the puddle. Yes, I was embarrassingly too violent. She was crying. Damn. I don't want to be that kind of parent.

* tomorrow morning. sigh. wake up early, go and have an u/s and a blood test to see that I haven't yet ovulated. It's will be cd23 and while writing these lines I do know I haven't ovulated. This is so! not typical of me, because I usually ovulate very much on time. But then being sick this week (I've been going to sleep while breastfeeding B to sleep, only to wake up next morning - that is so not me) was not typical, and maybe the egg feels that something is not right and so won't let go. [oh, feeling now much better!]

Lately I am just feeling that I'm too cross at her. Yes, she is at that age (amazing but at 2.5 something does switch and they do become so much more difficult). She's defiant, wants to do things her way, by herself. She is strong and very much has a will of her own. Yesterday not wanting to give me a hand to cross the road because she wants to do it herself, folding her arms**. She's becoming really not easy. Or maybe it's me with the pressure of those papers I need to hand in, and then not being myself this week. Anyway I am really not pleased with my parenting lately. I need to find other ways to cope.


** she started folding her arms when going on the bus, so I don't hold her, because she wants by herself! Too cute. But one thing is a bus (worse  case, I guard her with my body), the road is something else, and no you can not cross the road by yourself.

P.S
On a positive note - she loves counting and many times I would hear her "counting" this or that. counting correctly from 1-10 only skipping the four [doesn't every child have a "favourite" number they skip? lol].
She is also so much more talking. And singing! She sings almost non stop :-).

I want to ride my bicycle..

Had the joy today of transferring the sperm from the bank to the clinic. "Joy" as it involved waking up very early in the morning (took a sleeping girl out of bed. one of the things I love about her that she wakes up easily and happily and is alert from the minutes her eyes open), taking 2 buses to the clinic to take the tank. Only when we got there I remembered I should have phoned to order a tank! Luckily it was okay, phew. From there I was on a race against time, as I had less than 4 hours to be back and needed to take 2 buses to the bank and 2 buses back and bus time and waiting for the bus etc. And oh, did I not mention my daughter being with me... My poor girl, I was shouting at her quiet a lot to go quicker [funny how when we were done and had plenty of time she was running and skipping, but when I was under pressure of time she was soooo slow. lol]. The way home was three buses as I treated her for a pizza, but boy, couldn't these places have a direct bus route??

Let me now go back a little to yesterday. Yesterday, as my only pupil I have (a weak day..) canceled, I took Butterfly to a fun day at the park (again a bus ride [or two, but the second is just for one stop..] away). Although I did plan on going more often to this park, we don't go to often and not in a long time, so it was fun! but the point is the amount of wet trousers we had! And my girl is weaned!! Okay, the first wet pair is understandable as it was a peeing out fear (there was a tractor working not far away. quiet new, but she is very scared of loud noises), but did it have to be while she was sitting on my laps as I was trying to comfort her?? lol. But then was it 3 or 4 more pees because she she refused to go not in the toilet? Urg. 

Today? Today I listened to an advice I got and took a potty with us. What a difference! We went and came back with the same pair of trousers as we left! It was a bit funny having your girl sit on the potty in the middle of the street, but hey, if it works.... So now I want to look for a small potty that will be easy to take.

And then we had the talk. I have been telling her so far that she doesn't have a daddy (though she does have a mother, grandmother, blah blah), but not about how she came to be, sperm donation, etc. So I explained to her something about taking the tank because I want to have a baby in my tummy ("I also want a baby inside my tummy"....). At some point she asked me what was in the tank. What do I say? Saying something about a possible baby that will be put into me felt wrong. Wrong mainly be cause, well, what about my eggs? While she is still too young, I still want her to know that genetically both parents have an equal role in creating a new child, it is not only the father and his sperm. Avoiding or lying are completely out for me. So I gave her her first explanation about how in order to have a baby you need an egg from a mummy and a sperm from a daddy, and since in our family we don't have a daddy (and she confirmed that no daddy :-)) I got sperm form (at first I said a nice man, but then remembered Shannon's advice.. have to work on what exactly I say!) someone and now we are taking it to this place to keep for  us.

At night time, btw, out of the blue and with no connection, she was talking to herself saying something about no daddy, I think the first time I heard such talk!

I will end with this video clip of her riding her bicycle. I bought it for her second birthday, but only now she is tall enough to actually ride! She is still very much at the beginning, so still very wobbly, but she is riding :-).
p.s - my sister and I.. we talk in Hebrew.. sorry about that, lol. [I am just talking about her wobbliness, if you must!]

bullets

• I closed the door on Butterfly's hand. Ouch! I was closing the door, thinking how I don't want the cats to come in, all the while she is quiet. As the door didn't completely closed (you know, it wouldn't if there are fingers there..) I tried harder. Only then did my poor daughter cry out that her hand is there.. It doesn't look too bad (obviously put ice), hope by tomorrow it will be all okay (she's sleeping now). 
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• My girl has been toilet trained for quiet some time, no problems, no misses. Until . Well about two weeks ago when she was doing wee-wee under a bush in the street and I thought she might also have a number two, and since I am never equipped for a number two in the street (and she really doesn't need/do #2 when we're out), I said to her not to do a poo in the street, only in the toilet. So now she won't go in the street. Also not for peeing. "Only in the toilet". Except, she is 2.7, and as much as she tries (and boy, does she try!), she can't hold herself long enough until we find a toilet. So she wets her trousers! And I try persuading her that it is okay to do a wee wee in the street, but she will not!
  When I told my sister about this, she told me to make her go before we leave. Well, besides it happening mostly when we are on our way home (from the bus stop to our house, a 10-15 minute walk with her, a residential area with only houses), this is absolutely not how I do it. I never ask her before we go if she needs. I don't want to teach her to pee on command, but to learn to know when she needs. And if she needs, which often happens and which until two weeks ago was no problem, she goes in the side of the road (on a grass patch, etc). We even once had to get of a bus and then catch the next one because she had to go. It is also about trust. I want to trust her and her to know that I trust her. I am not in charge of her body, she is. I just hope this phase works out soon..
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• Studying.. I finished first round of papers and should start working on the next lot.. One of the papers I handed in, was a text I translated from Hebrew to English. Much harder for me (and most of us..) as it is always easier to translate into your stronger language but we learn both ways. The teacher of this course, B, well we don't feel we've learned much from her, only to think how to please her. In class there would be these times when you read what you wrote for homework and she while you are reading she would say - Did you just say £$%%^?  And you would feel that, oops, £$%%^ was a very bad choice, but what can you do? And it is in front of the whole class.. Well I worked hard on her end of semester paper and felt I did quiet good (the above translation I mentioned. Oh, and let me say that she gave this same text to us, first year, and to second year students. Doesn't sound fair to me). Well bad enough the grade was very low, not at all what I thought I deserved, she also left me a nasty comment - "Your English writing leaves something to be desired. You might consider taking an extra English course next semester". My English leaves something to be desired??? I know my English is far from that of a real native English speaker (and I understand so much better than I can express) and I do not have desire to translate from Hebrew into English (mainly as most work here would be from En to He), but I know I am not that bad...
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• okay, this is getting into quiet a long bulleted post. Will mention here that I finally got the book I won in a giveaway! Yay!!
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• I am going very slow with Butterfly on letters/reading etc. In fact I do not do any teaching of letters etc with her, not even the ABC song. Well the other day I opened a book of hers I was about to read, and seeing how I wrote her name on the front cover, I mentioned to her that that is your name written her. Well the next day, she saw some writing on a high chair (the brand name..) and told me that it is her name that is written there. That made me really excited! It was maybe brought on by a prompt from me, but this is the first time she has shown interest in what it says (that is, not just me reading to her). I am still not 100% sure how and what I'll do, but I am thinking to start playing with letters etc once she is three.
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• (Before the hand in door incident) We were at my father's after a long day. We were both tired, but had to wait for my mum. Butterfly was trying to give me this rubber band she found, and I didn't want and she was trying to force me to take it. And I, sitting at the table with my head in my hands, kind of snapped at her, saying that I do not want it, blah blah. To which she replied - "I am also tired". How sweet was that! (I didn't say mention being tired..)