Butterfly's Birthday

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Monday, 28 October 2013


I just had an argument with my mother. As I wrote the other day, I am having trouble Tuesday morning leaving Butterfly with Y. I didn't mention in previous post how Y told me that her husband doesn't really like me being there in the morning as it interferes with the intimacy of their morning (walking around in you jammies etc) and I do get it how an adult in your house can do that (it is not B that bothers him). But it takes time for a child to feel confident and to let her mother go. Hindsight is 20-20 but I should have come with Butterfly to Y a few times before the year begun perhaps also leaving her there for an hour or two, to get used to the idea of being under Y's charge.
Back to my mum. I asked her if she could take Butterfly over as it might the separation might be easier than my mum than from me (and I think I've mentioned but my mum is free Tue morning. and I'm not asking for the whole year, just for a few weeks until B gets used to being with Y). And I do understand it is a bit of an inconvenience. So I mention the trouble I had last Tues morning and ask her to help take B over. She answers with what will happen if she refuses. I say it will be problematic for me. She tells me not to put pressure on her (!) That I could easily send her two days to kindergarten [kindergarten here is what we have before the age of school]. So I am not allowed to put pressure on her but she can pressure me?? And no, I was not putting pressure on her. I am your daughter. I need your help. I really need your help. I asked for your help. Your help has nothing to do with whether your granddaughter goes to kindergarten or not, because by hook or by cook she won't. She then comes up to me saying I am doing this on purpose. ???. I am doing what I as a mother believe is the my daughter's best interest. It is just sad that I come to her asking for help and she won't help me thinking that she by not helping she will twist my arm into sending B to kindergarten. This reminds me of another story from when D, her eldest granddaughter was about 15 and my mother got some hair-removing cream and none of us (her daughter's)  wanted it and we all told her D would be happy to have it and my mother said no as she disapproves of hair removing and as long as D isn't an adult, she won't do anything to help D with hair removing. Except do you really think D cared? Do you think she didn't remove the hairs on her leg? Of course she did. My mother's protest had no effect. Just a silly little protest. Then it really was meaningless if she gave D the ointment or not. Now her help is just a little bit more needed. I just have to pray and hope it goes well and hope the lecturer (I have a few lessons, all with the same lecturer..) misses quite a lot of lessons (rumor has it she does).


Nell said...

Families can be so friggin' frustrating at times. I'm sorry that your mom isn't being more understanding. Is there a way of explaining to Butterfly that Mama *must* go to class and she needs to stay at Y's house. I know she is pretty attached to you, but she can also be very independent (like at the park). Of course I do not know how much can be explained at her age.

Little One said...

Our parents see things through one lens. And it's a different way from what we want for our children. I have these struggles regularly with my mom.

Laraf123 said...

Oh, I struggle all the time with my mom. Well, not all the time anymore because I've had to put physical distance between us to deal with the emotional void I always feel around her. I hear your frustration. So sorry.