12 Months, 12 Challenges - February AND night time potty trained?

So for January I had two challenges - one for me (not eating chocolate) which went pretty well! (I was mostly very good about my challenge) and one for Butterfly, which.... well... started of good but then went very bad. I think it was the first day that I tried forcing brushing her teeth and then I decided I really rather not do it that way. Because I don't want it to be something she hates and something we have wars over, and anyway I doubt that I was doing a good job when forcing. The first few days went pretty well, but then it went bad. Right now not much is done. Not sure if I mentioned, but at least she doesn't really eat sweet, so at least that. I will put this challenge on hold, and return to it in a month or two (which doesn't mean we won't be trying again unchallenged :-) ).

Night time potty training. Night time my girl needs to pee sometimes (rather, rarely) at about nineish, and then around midnight-one am and that's it for the night until we wake up (and even then, she would nurse in bed for 1/2 an hour to an hour, dry of course). Of course there are days when things happen differently (I am sure tonight will be one of those nights), but generally that's how it is lately. And if you followed me long enough, you know she sleeps without a nappy (EC) and peeing means me holding her over a bowel. She, on her part, wakes up to pee, or half wakes up - I do not take a sleeping baby, but a baby that has cued me that she needs to go.

Anyway, why am I telling you all this? Well there was a discussion on my SMC board about night time toilet training, started of by a mother seeking advice. As we (me and Butterfly, that is) are not the norm, I do not participate in such discussions. But then they were talking about toilet training and maturity and how you have to be mature blah blah in order to be toilet trained at night, as opposed to day time toilet training. I chimed in with how it's with us, and well besides a nasty remark [somehow if you do EC and/or don't vaccinate your child and/or homeschool etc etc people feel free to be mean and nasty] I was told that my girl is not night time potty trained. In my original comment, I did say that Butterfly is not fully potty trained at night, but that comment I got made me think.

What does it mean to be night time potty trained? Not peeing in ones sleep? Butterfly has never-ever peed in her sleep. She has been sleeping without a nappy from when she was 2 months old and she has never learnt to just let go of her pee. She always wakes up or even half wakes to pee, wiggling and moving uncomfortably. Not always I get it and put her over the potty (and yes, we had some pretty bad months), but it is always me who misses, not her! Not peeing at all during the night? Okay, then that means I am not night time toilet trained because I do go to the toilet at night. Nowadays with baby and all not so much, but I always used to go at least once to the bathroom at night. So if I, an adult, go to the toilet at night, is it reasonable to expect a child not to go at all during the night? [though I don't think going in the night to pee was a habit of mine during childhood. I wonder when I picked it up..] And she does go for seven or eight hours without needing to pee! Not needing the help of an adult to pee? Then yes, she is not night time toilet trained, because she will not go by herself. So while she probably is not yet really potty trained at night, she is really not far from it. I do believe that once she masters daytime potty training (and lately she seems to be doing so much better!) and knows to how to go by herself, pulling down trousers and all that she'll master that last point of night time potty training :-).

And now for February's challenge. I want to try both [but not at the same time] not eating dairy - though that will be too difficult for me! so maybe going off cow's milk (but yes goat/sheep milk). I also want to try and minimize eating wheat products. Neither of which I feel ready to face right now, so I will (hopefully) leave these challenges for another month.

I think my challenge for the month should be getting my house clean every day (night) on a regular base. I am such a messy person and the nanny very much helps me keep things tidy, but amazingly it gets so messy so quickly. So I would like to try and keep it nice and clean, not let it get into such a bad state.

Challenge number two would be to spend more time with Butterfly actually playing with her! I do a lot of taking care of her and her needs and we usually take a lengthy walk before nap time (going nowhere in particular, like yesterday was more or less just up and down the street with her little wagon, as much as I can, I like to let her dictate where we're going :-)) But I don't so much just sit and play with her. Yes, she plays very nicely on her own and I take advantage of that and do my stuff. But I want to be with her! I don't want to look back and feel sorry for all those times we didn't enjoy together. So I really want to try and do better..

and cows go moo

Butterfly had her 18 month check up today (and a shot), and the nurse, well she annoyed me! [though not as much as when Butterfly went in last time. I think big difference is that she is much much much more bubbling now and she does have a word or two]. So nurse goes on about how it's important to expose Butterfly to children and children's songs for her to develop language, talking about the rhythm and the repetitiveness. And well I'm not saying no to that, though I don't think it's a must! But then [Butterfly now sitting at a table looking at a book with animals] she [nurse] goes on to how I should show Butterfly pictures of animals in these hard baby proof books and how I should make the animal sounds so she'll learn. When I was reluctant, she said I could take her to a nearby farm for her to see hens and cows herself. Well yes, that would be much better. But still not very real. And I ask - why? why is it important that little kids know that that animal is called a cow and that she goes moo? I am sure she will not go through life not knowing what a cow is, so why is it important to push this word onto them? I mean if we were living in a farm or overwise seeing cows daily, then yes, that would be one word I think my girl should know.

Same with body parts. Why is it important to teach them head and eyes and ears? Why can't we leave them to learn these words by themselves? I mean we do not teach them eyebrows or cheeks or kidney or heel, and yet they do acquire these words later on in life. Because at this early age I very much believe in real, authentic "teaching". Everytime Butterfly wants to hold my cellphone, I tell her to put it (the lace onto which it's tied..) around her neck. She might not exactly know what a neck is, but she has an idea. This is real. I do not point at my/her/a doll's neck and say repeatedly neck [which my mum sometimes does with words like nose, and drives me crazy].

And you know, we go for a walk every (or almost every) morning. And while I don't so much, but showing her the different plants, maybe naming them (which means I need to know the names..), that would be much more real. These plants we pass by are part of her life, she sees them, sometimes picks their leaves or tries to pull a branch etc. A cow is not part of her life, not her world. Teaching her that a cow goes moo, in my eyes is nothing more than taming her. Showing her this plant or that plant on our path, I believe is expanding her world.

P.S

98th percentile for height! (95 head and I think it was 87 for weight). I know she is tall for her age, but oh my, she is almost off the chart!! [and don't ask me how that's possible as I am not tall and I don't think donor was too tall..]

And now to the Proud Mummy section..

I haven't much talk about how our toilet training/EC is going, mainly because there is nothing interesting happening :-). Around her birthday I was very eager to start toilet training (after we've been doing Elimination Communication almost since birth but haven't been too successful with it). Well we started of [off?] nicely but then, well it just went back to nothing. But I did (DO) still dress her without a nappy (unless we go to a doctors appointment etc. and of course she wears a nappy with the nanny) because when while I haven't succeeded in toilet training her, I do believe in not peeing/pooing on oneself! And I will add that she is - a. most certainly aware of her pee/poo and where you should do it; b. she CAN hold herself. Anyway, with the poo lately it's going well. If I see she is about to go [or if there is a smell of poo - one of the signs she is about to go, is the smell, yes before she does..], I will sit her on the potty (and bring madam her bottle of water..) and she'll be okay.

Then about a week ago, I wasn't feeling good so I lay down in bed and let her play. Will add that she was bottomless. Anyway at one point she comes into the room with the potty in her hand, and yes she has done a number two! Mummy was so proud!!

And today.. I wasn't in the room with her, and then I see her trying to take off her trousers. Now she does that a lot, trying to put on and off clothes, but somehow I could see that this was for real, so I took them off for her [I usually try not to help her, I hope to write about that in another post] and put her on the potty. And oh yes did she deliver! I was so so proud of her!

Of course writing this is going to jinx it, but I think I can say that as for #2 my girl is toilet trained. Now lets master peeing in potty!

12 Months, 12 Challanges - January

From Keiko's last post, I've learnt about this monthly challenge. Instead of making some big resolutions on the first day of the year that usually never stick, the idea here is to give yourself some kind of small challenge every month. Each month one challenge. And I really like the idea, so I think I'm going with it!
As there is also a Facebook page, I am not entirely sure how you're supposed to do it. Though I do think I'd rather post here than on my facebook page.. I'm also not so sure if I'm supposed to declare all my monthly challenges or to go month by month. (Mainly as I've just read about it) I prefer to go month by month.

So.. tomorrow is January [Happy New Year!!], a new month and a new challenge, well two. I know I'm supposed to choose only one, but I need to do these two! [and I actually was planning, just not as a challenge..]
The first is about me and a dear friend of mine, Chokie. Yes, that would be chocolate. I've been seeing Chokie way too much lately. Way way too much. Not good for either of us.. And I know I should have a bigger goal of loosing weight because I really have put on a lot of weight, but I know that kind of challenge will be too much for me. So I challenge myself to not have one bit of chocolate in the month of January!
The second will be about Butterfly and the brushing of her dear teeth, or the not brushing, or rather the yes! brushing.. You see, I'm doing a very bad job at it. I tried letting her see me brush my teeth. I tried letting her brush my teeth [have you had a toddler push a toothbrush in your mouth? I don't recommend..] so that then I'll brush hers [nope!]. I tried having a special brushing teeth song [so now she hates Christmas! (okay I probably need to explain - looking for a good brushing teeth song on YouTube, I found nothing that appealed to me, so I took the first happy cheerful song that came up to me and made up my own words. The song was Jingle Bells...)]. Tried having her brush in front of a mirror (will admit that only tried it once). Still to try actually having toothpaste on her brush (I thought it's not good at her age, but apparently there are toothpastes for the very young!) and I think there was another suggestion but can't think of any now [if you do have another tip, I'd love to hear!]. We usually end either with not brushing the teeth or with me brutally holding down her arms with one hand, body held in between my knees, while trying with the other hand to brush her teeth. And this is so not how I want to parent. I do not want to be a big bully on my little girl. I know this is important, that's why I do do it (sometimes). Sometimes. So my second challenge for the month is to have her teeth brushed twice EVERY DAY. I just hope it becomes such a habit that she'll protest no more..


P.S
OMG do you know how many times I wrote the word challenge? Seems it's with an "e" after the "ll" (and not "a") and now I have to correct each and every one of them! (okay, only by clicking on each one and selecting the correct way but couldn't there be a -'correct all' option, like in Word!?)

No Trust

No!

Well my little Butterfly has her first word! [and this is old news as in I think about two weeks ago, but I was keyboardless..] "Do you want....." "no!.. no!" . Might I add how cute she is when she says it :-). I think it's kind of funny (and shows how late she is) that "no" is her first word.. oh well..

And the day after we were also blessed with a second word (but none since) - Yeye. That will be Wendy, my sister (& neighbour)'s dog. Every morning we go for a little walk, and Wendy joins us so it does make sense that that would be one of her first words (though doesn't "mummy, I love you" sound like a better candidate for that second word!? lol)

Besides that, the ball has started rolling in the speech therapist direction. First I have an appointment (just me) with a social worker. Then there's a speech therapist and a doctor (should be together but the doctor can't see me before April! [and I was told I was lucky as usually it's as long as Sep. If the speech therapist will see a need, they will somehow find me an earlier date or something like that]).

And there's the "no" that I tell her. I've encountered the term "free range parenting" and while I'm not exactly sure what they mean by it, I love the term and think of myself as a free range parent. Quoting from steady mom: "Respect your child as a person, providing firm boundaries but plenty of freedom to become who they are meant to be." I think (hope!) I do just that. She hardly hears a no from me - I'm either very permissive or prefer diversion. I just think there are so many things she can't do, so many small frustrations in her little world, that I don't need to add. But there are boundaries. Like the road. She is free to walk on the pavement (as in she doesn't have to hold my hand). But she MUST NOT go down to the road. And she know it! And most usually she is great (rarely, but she does sometime try me out. I do kind of expect her to test her boundaries..). And I believe she is good on the road [when we need to cross the road, quite often she will be the one asking to be picked up..] because she doesn't hear so much no from me. No, don't go there; No, don't pick that up; No, don't put that in your mouth; No, don't climb that; No, that's dangerous [I think probably one of the last "no"s I would tell her..]; No, don't go too near the edge of the pavement; No, don't smoke [okay that she most certainly would hear from me if...]. She doesn't hear so much nos so she doesn't need to defy me (anyway, that's how I see it).

Trust!

My mother doesn't trust me. Probably never has. And you know, that first sentence is a bit wrong as it is not me she doesn't trust, but anyone, she just doesn't trust other people, but that doesn't make it much better. So one of the things that is important for me, is to build trust between me and my daughter. And while I still have to work on my trust, I do believe I trust her very much. Take the above example of walking in the street. I do sometimes get these terrible mother looks from other people but I do know my daughter and trust her (and yes, I am also very much alert and looking/watching..). [and then I walk with my mother and daughter, and mother tries to force daughter to hold her hand, because it is dangerous. She does not trust me (yet again) that I am looking out for my daughter].

And this trust, it is a two way. What's the point of me trusting her if she doesn't trust me..? So I do my best to keep my word. And she trusts me. I see that many times when, for example, I would tell her to wait and then I will xyz, and she waits very patiently!

[and I believe I had more to write on the trust issue, but I can't remember now..]

~ Happy Hannukah! ~

~Merry Christmas! ~

Decisions..

I've always been more of a dog person that a cats lady. I have five cats (I do hope one day to do a post introducing them!) which unfortunately I can't really let in the house (I did let them sleep inside in the [very few; too few!] rainy nights we had. But then it wasn't easy with Butterfly who didn't sleep too good..), and since Butterfly was born I'm hardly with them (although it is getting better now, mainly as Butterfly loves to pat them. Oh and eat thier food (but that's not new, lol). So I have these cats, and cats are nice, but DOGS are the real thing! Dogs you can take for a walk, you can throw ball, you can play rough & tumble.
I had a dog, Sky, who died some years ago. In fact (and I know I mentioned this here before), but she died on the same date that B was conceived! It didn't seem right at the time to try and "replace" her with another dog, but I always dreamt of having another dog again one day.
Well, that day is soon to come. I don't think it's a good idea now to get a new dog, being winter and all, but after the winter I am planning on adopting a dog! Hopefully a (plus minus) one yr old female who is good with children and cats (should also be a big dog as I love the big ones..).
I am already waiting the walks, and I believe a dog would be great for Butterfly as she is so energetic and so lively and I am not so. So she would be able to play rough and tumble with the dog! So around Pesach (whenever it falls, I think it's best to have free time for the first few days) I plan to see what the local shelter has.
Decision #1

Child number two. Went back and forth if I can/should, and yes, I am going to try. I remember reading a blog about this mother who weaned her six month because she wanted to try for a second, but then it took her two years! (and donor embryos, not that that matters to the story) to conceive. And it was tough weaning her kid. I want/ed to give my child a "full term" of breastfeeding before I aim at stopping it. Ideally I will still be breastfeeding while pregnant with #2 and them do tandem breastfeeding. Chances that won't happen. So I am aiming towards the two year mark. Yes, I know my age (41, thank you for reminding me :-)), but still I would rather wait a bit more.
I think in about a month I'll be ready to make the call to the/a bank. Probably no more vials of daughter's donor, so will have to pick a new "guy". Not sure when I'll actually start, but kind of debating if IVF or to try and start with IUIs and only if it doesn't work go on to IVF. Right now I'm thinking to start with three unmedicated IUIs (you know, so I can breastfeed alongside) and see how to go from there.
Decision #2

Homeschooling. I do hope to do a post about it one day soon. Something I always wanted to do, but with being a single parent thought that this would be a dream I might have to give up on. Well no! I am now reading some homeschooling blogs and very much believe I can do it!
Decision #3

For decision number 3 to become, I probably need to increase my income with things I can do from my house. I do need to go to the local university and publish there that I translate (I am planning that for too long). But that might give me here a job there a job, nothing to much to count on.
I am thinking (and this is not a "closed" decision, more in the thought process) of carrying on my studies - either in translation or in information management, both possibilities for working from home. The main problem is money, paying for tuition and extra hours of nanny(maybe my dad will help?) plus I hope lessons are in the mornings so I could still work as usuall or at least to be able to do it one afternoon a week, even if it means taking longer to complete my studies.
BTW - if you have any other ideas for extra income from home, I'd love to hear!
Decision #4

nanny stuff

If you know me in real life, then you know I do not lie. [o.k that is a lie.. but beyond a white lie here or there] I just couldn't lie even if I wanted to as my face would shout out loud - LIER.. So how come I get nannies who lie?!?
Previous nanny, was a very big lier, sometime lying even when what's wrong with the truth.. but she is completely history. It's the current nanny. Not sure if I blogged about it, but there was an incident I caught her lying in the beginning of the year. Didn't bother me too much as it was a minor incident and I am not out to look for lies (and I am a naive person who basically believes what the person in front of me is saying to be the truth). Today we had this conversation [I know they* don't do much with Butterfly. After conversation with development nurse yesterday in regards to B's speaking I wanted to ask them to sit more with her]
nanny: What about computers?
me: no computers or televisions for Butterfly.
nanny: oh, she doesn't love t.v. [immediately followed by how Butterfly doesn't watch tv blah blah. Do you believe that?? Yeah, neither do I!]
But you know, that's minor. While I am completely not pleased to learn that they probably do sit her in front of the telly, I can swallow it. It's THE. BIG. LIE I'm upset about.

{first a bit of technical background about where I live - if you come to me by car, say from the nanny, you would go on this main(ish, it is a small town..) road then turn left and after two houses turn left again. My house would be the one after the corner house. So going by car would be right once I leave the house (always right as left leads to a dead end). But if you do not go by car, you can [and more logical if that's your general direction] just turn left}
So a couple of weeks ago I happen to see nanny turn right as she left the house with girl in pram. It kind of surprised me as it is not the logical way to go, but I thought she's probably taking the girl for a long walk and good for her!
Then the other day was a very rainy day and my mother offered to take them to nanny's house. They refused to and somehow mentioned how Billy forbids them to take Butterfly by car. I forbid them to use the car with B! Wow, that definitely hit a red light when mother told me. Because you know, the first, last and only time I have ever mentioned taking (or rather not taking) Butterfly by car was in the beginning of June in the job interview. If I have never talked about it, it is kind of strange that them mentioning me forbidding it. My mother didn't buy it.
Anyway, the other night, coming back home from work, I see them come round the corner from the direction of turning right and right from my house, yes, not the way one would walk to my house. And this was a cold rainy day.. [unfortunately it didn't hit me till later]. We stopped just after the corner just before my house, and her son showed me this video where Butterfly does (NOT) talk. When finished, one would expect them to carry on walking in my direction. No, they went back [again, only later it hit me].
And today as there were leaving and thought I didn't hear, the mother asked the daughter to hand her the keys (turning right as they left the house..). You could say they come by car, walk girl in pram, and then take the car home at the end of the day. But if so - why hide the car??? Why not park right outside the house??
So if it wasn't clear, I very much suspect they take my girl in their car (and tonight kind of confirmed it). Under no circumstances do or would I allow that. I let my baby from the beginning when she could and did, put things in her mouth [others might say that's dangerous. I do/did not fear swallowing, choking], I let her try and climb things others might consider dangerous, I do not necessarily hold her hand when walking in the street (though I do pick her up when crossing a road) as I trust her, she knows she's not allowed to the road (but yes, I am always there looking, watching, I do know she is still a baby..). I do all these things that might be seen as dangerous. Road safety is where I say no. My baby must always be seated in a safety car seat, no compromise there [my sister, she's the opposite - telling her daughter how she can't climb this or that, but then starting to drive (home after picking son up from kindergarten, really a two minute drive) without him clicking in..].
Not sure how I go from here (finding a new nanny is not an option).


* nannies are mother and her 19 yr old daughter. the mother is the main guardian of my daughter and the one who lies..

EDT: a little of snooping, and I discovered today she has a safety car seat in her car. At least that. I am still very much not pleased she does it behind my back. [you know, maybe in cold and wet days, knowing she does have a car seat, I'd approve...]

a picture post

Rain rain DON'T go away
And do come again another day!!

I love it with the first rains, when it is still not too cold and the air is soooooo fresh. Yesterday I took the camera with me while going with Butterfly for a little walk aroud the neighbourhood.

Couldn't resist the camera as she is so cute in jeans and with the backpack she looks such a big girl! (she so loves bags, putting things in and carrying them, so why not a backpack..)

Just for the record - the previous day she wore boots and refused to go in any puddle. This time? Aren't puddles? fun???

[o.k will add that the boots aren't the most comfortable]

A girl and her bottle and her her mummy's keys!

Ahh it was a long hard walk. Let me freshen up with some water!