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Friday, 8 January 2010

First I wanted to thank you all for your warm words on my last post! (delurking week is fun :-))

A study about the relationship between women who are about to become SMCs, and their parents/child before and right after birth was looking for volunteers. So I thought that beside helping them with the research, I would also gain some insight into my relations with my mother (I was actually told it was about me and mother, only when I got there did they say - parents. Not that it really matters..). Kind of disappointed because no such thing. I thought it was going to be all these questions where to answer I'd have to search deep and come up with answers. She did give me a very thick questionnaire to fill in (later on that), so maybe there I'll get those insights, but well.. She started with asking me to freely write about my relationship with my mother/father/baby. I really hate open questions, especially as opening ones! I am very terrible at expressing myself on a blank sheet (somehow sitting in front of an empty screen and blogging is different :-)). Then there was a series of pictures I had to make a story to [which I thought would be easy as I am very imaginitive, but boy was it hard! And somewhat embarassing as she wrote everything I said or did!], and that was it.
And oh, the questionnaire..... [as if I've forgotten that thick pile of papers she handed me and asked to be mailed when filled out (though she did forget to give me an address.. lol)]. Was told before how accuracy is important for me, and glancing at some of the questions (mainly the - you and the baby section. oh, here goes Miss Accuracy again!) I can see that..
Most of the questions were to grade statements on a scale 1-7, how well you agree with them. But what when I agree with one part of the sentence and not the other?? A few examples -

I have chosen a name for a girl
O.K, obviously I have no problem with this one, but then
I have chosen a name for a boy
How do I answer it? Because yes, I do have names for both genders (and yes, funny how after pondering about girl's name I am back to my original..). I don't think they asked whether I'm having a boy or a girl (or if I know. Though again - I only had a quick glance). So while I do have a boy's name, it won't be for this child, so a seven or a one??

I stroke/pet my tummy to calm down the fetus
O.K will admit to have started that habit :-). But I do not do it because I feel her or the likes. At least currently, I do it (and only when no one is around..) because I am thinking of her and talking to her [the statement - I talk to the fetus will definitely get a 7..] and probably it makes me feel some kind of connection to her. So while I do stroke belly, it is not in order to keep her calm.. Is the point they're trying to make whether one strokes belly? Then I'll probably have to go with a seven, but I am not liking it..

All the suffering in pregnancy is worth it
Oh this question was... Well first I want to say sorry for all you guys out there who are still trying (or waiting to try). Battynurse - you so deserve all the help you can get! You are an amazing wonderful person who is always there for others and you most certainly deserve others to be there for you! Meandbaby - I really hope this one has sticky feet! Kate, Meg, princess of the tide, tiregal, pepper, gwinne, musings of a fat chick, wishy, Tracey *(damn, there are too many of you. Hope I haven't missed anyone) - I am so hoping for all of you that you get to get your babies soon, very soon! And I am sorry as this feels like gloating or boasting, and if the question was to talk about the journey to become pregnant, that would be something else. But I am so not suffering (yes, here my arm sometimes gets numb, there my leg really hurts when I sleep too long and the shortness of breath and a few other tidbits, but well, not complaining). On the contrary, I feel like I am on seventh heaven, I am so enjoying myself. I really wanted to be pregnant, it was so important for me not only to have a kid [though have to admit that any other way, well adoption, is quite closed before me as I do not have the funds] but to carry a baby, to experience pregnancy, and I feel so lucky I am getting my aged old dream come true. So not suffering and completely worth it - is that a seven or a one?? I so hate those questions where one part suits you and the other not. [or do they assume pregnancy=suffering and are asking if it is worth being pregnant!?]

* Not linking, so not to "call you" upon to my blog if you are not in a place where you can read a pregnant gal's rumblings.

[wanted to end with an unrelated rant, but I think I'll leave it for another time]


battynurse said...

Thank you for your kind words.
I think I'd end up throwing the paperwork out. I hate questions and stuff like that.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the hope!! :) And I love reading that you are in seventh heaven. I know all this has to be worth it, it just has to.

Kate said...

Hi Billy! I am just so glad things are going well for you!
And thank you for the kind wishes (while there are TONS of Kate out here right now, I choose to believe you meant me!)

I think that maybe you could choose one "thing" that feels like your gift to your daughter- and let the other stuff that comes just flow in-- and choose one activity that you two do together (everything!) like a few moments of just sending her love, you can feel more like this is happening and allow other people's stuff to come to you without feeling like it is overwhelming your experience before you even have it.

I am not speaking from experience, but I am speaking
with love,

Demeter said...

I don't believe those questionnaires really arrive at any conclusion. What matters is the free thinking you write on your answers. I never had an issue with my pregnancy, that is not to say that many women do. I did not think it was painful at all, and I believe that the pain should not be had for it to be worth it. I don't understand the thinking behind enjoying pain...However, it is totally worth it!