From the beginning...

Well I have decided to record in writing my pathway to motherhood. So let me go back a step or two from where I am standing right now and start my story from the beginning.

Well I always wanted to be a mother, I was a child who loved kids and knew that someday I will have my own kids. Except.... well, hmmmm... the bees and the birds.... well I was never too great with men (and no, I am not a lesbian, just a loner). Anyway in my mid thirties I began to realize that if I wanted to be a mother, I had to do something about it and not sit and wait for prince charming who apparntly has too many women on hold. So for the next two years I was occupied with thinking about the ways to fulfil my evermost desire, my longing to become a mother.

Ways to become a mum without a guy.. There are two main ways I know of - the first is to find a guy who also wants to be a dad but doesn't necessarliy want to live with the woman. There are several orgnizations here who help join together such couples, so the finding part is less of an issue. But still, I meet a guy and in such and such numbers of meetings have to decide if our fates will be tied for the next 18 years? The advantage may be another pair of hands to help raise my kid (although do take into account that these hands will not live in the same house as the mother and child, so it is a limited help) and being better of financially . But still I wouldn't like my child to begin his/her life with "divorced" parents, parents who have to sign an agreement on every little detail - and what if we didn't think of X or Y!? and what if the guy turns out to be a not so nice guy!? Well, this way to parenthood might suit some people, but not me. I have a bad enough example close by of a terrible divorce and prefere not to go there.
So that leaves the other way to become a mum without a guy - sperm donation. The greatest disadvantage is also its greatest advantage - I am the sole caregiver of the infant. That means that for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, I am in charge. No matter if the child is sick or whatever, no helping hand. And of course being a single parent means there is only one provider, only one pair of working and earning hands. But as I see it, the benifits overweigh these disadvantage. I can raise my child as I see fit, don't have to compromise with someone else's thoughts on bringing up, and most of all - I have my child to myself, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (of course untill they grow up and hate being kissed in public by their mums, etc.).

Anyway about a year ago, I came across an internet forum of single mothers by choice, and straight away those two years of thinking what and how (actually more "realizing" that I probably will never become a mother in this life) came down into a decision - I will be a mother and I will do it through sperm donation! That's my pathway to motherhood for me.