Monday, 19 January 2009

threw my prenatals and damned folic acid.
not even going to inject myself.
it's not going to happen and probably for a good reason. i'm just not worthy of motherhood.

13 comments:

meandbaby said...

You are worthy! We're all worthy. Keep the faith.

bleu said...

Oh honey, you are in it deep and I so feel for you. So many of us have felt the exact way at one point or another. You WILL be a wonderful mother, I know this. Yo ARE worthy and wonderful and caring.

This is hormones and the hellish struggle talking and it will pass, I promise.

Be gentle with yourself.

Much love.

battynurse said...

What Bleu said.
You are so worthy and don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise.

Pepper said...

I third what Bleu said!

Sending you hugs.

Dora said...

What they said. I know you have the heart of a mother.

Billy, did something happen? Talk to us.

Billy said...

Thanks.
I don't think it's the hormones, or at least it's not the major contributer.
It's many things together - me going into this round feeling sure it's bound to fail; issues w\ my mother [and my father telling me "I love you K" (K being sis #1) didn't help*]; but mainly, O.K too tired right now and not sure I want to get into it. But I think I am feeling better.


* O.K will have to admit that as children there was a lot of - K errr S errr T errr Sh etc.

princessoftides said...

This effing struggle has nothing to do with your worthiness. Nada. You most certainly are worthy, and don't you forget it!

Family issues sure don't help in the middle of all this mess, though. Sorry to hear you're dealing with that too. Just remember we're pulling for you, even when you can't pull for yourself!!

Dora said...

My grandmother used to go through my mother's, aunt's and sister's names before she got to mine. I know she knew who she was talking to, but it would be "B, E, M, D!"

meandbaby said...

Billy we're hear when you're ready to share. Glad you are feeling better! :)

Billy said...

מה בדיוק את נכנסת?
מה לעזעזאל את מצפה למצוא פה???

Meg said...

I'm going to 7th or 8th what everyone else said - You are Worthy!

Fat Chick said...

Oh Billy, that is soooooo not true! I mean, seriously. Are you going to put your kids in cages? Call them terrible names? Throw your child in a dumpster when he/she is 2 days old? THEN you don't deserve to be a mother. If you answered no to these things, then please know that it may be difficult to get and stay pregnant, but that is not a reflection upon your worth as a mommy-to-be.

What Bleu said: Be gentle with yourself. And kind.

Fat Chick said...

Oh, and as to going through the names: I remember my mother would go through everyone's names - my 3 siblings' AND the dog's and cat's - before getting to mine. Once she even started to call me my fish's name, Bozo. I was so insulted, and she just laughed. And then, one time I started calling her An-mom (Annie was our dog) in the hopes of riling her (I was a teenager) and she just laughed and laughed. Which ticked me off more.