The Dead Sea

I was flicking through my pupil's book and saw this text about the Dead Sea. Looked interesting so I read it. Texts that are close to home do have an appeal. It was interesting to read about green bananas in Brazil and about the little girl who attempted to be the youngest to fly across America (unfortunately she didn't survive the journey) and many others. But when it comes to home front..
The problem is that when it's close to home you also know. I don't know if green bananas are actually used in rural Brazil as a temporary means of repair in cases of an over heated car radiator that leaks. I do know Israel and the Dead Sea, and one definitely does not cover themselves with black mud and jumps into the water {that really annoyed me. I'm skipping all the stupid unrealistic parts like only after arriving here does he go to a tourist agency to see what there's to see here. Hmm.. I know that if I were to visit the States, I for sure would want to see the Niagara Falls (and the Mississippi [maybe nothing special to see, haven't done my H.W, but you know, Mark Twain..]), the point is that before one goes one does know something and has some kinds of plans. And not wanting to visit Jerusalem [gulp] O.K I'll swallow my saliva on a tourist not wanting to visit Jerusalem, but because it's a city and he wants fresh air??? etc.}.

Anyway, it got me thinking of the Dead Sea. Not so long ago we [i.e my family and I]) took these tourists (2 brothers) down there, and while others were having fun floating in the water etc, I stayed on the beach. O.K, the trip itself was to Masada, and we stopped at the Dead Sea only on the way home, and it was after a long day and it was getting too cool. But the point is they were enjoying themselves and I... And I don't want to be a boring mother, one who life just passes by her. I would want my child and I to join the fun, to put on our swimming suits [and will sadly admit to not having one] and wade in the water.
And things that were going on between me and Michal, and the cleaning of my house (not there yet, but don't think it's been as good as this in, oh I don't know, too long to remember) and all got me thinking. Kind of feels like I've been dead all this time, and now I want to live. Want to live for my child, but also for myself. I can't see myself ever being a mother, but at the same time can't imagine myself not being one one day (hard to explain how these two opposites co-exist). I was always going on about how I'll clean for baby. Well it's not that I'm cleaning for myself now, but I'm starting to realize that that's what I should be doing.

I was asked if I am to proceed to IVF. Probably, don't know for sure yet, haven't seen the doctor. Actually more correct would be to say that I haven't even made an appointment to see one. Very strange feeling. I think it's the first time since I began this journey that I sat aside on my own accord. So yes, I am taking a little break from TTC. I am burning with desire for this baby/child but I probably need to see if I can get this living thing going first..