Sunday, 4 July 2010

milk (take 3)

Been today at the child development centre, and not so good news. My baby is loosing weight, she is back to under her birth weight. Previous week, in 4 days, she gained quite a nice weight, so I was probably way to easy on giving her formula. That and of course hating giving it to her. So it wasn't after every meal, but here some and there some. Then on Friday, after finger feeding her almost a full bottle as she did not take my breast, she had a terrible evening - screaming and obviously in pain. I said enough of this formula. It is causing her pain and discomfort and not helping with the breast feeding. The next day, as if she read my mind, she was on my breast the whole day. Really, with maybe 1.5 - 2 hours max between feeds (except for one almost 4 hour nap she took..). And as much as it's exhausting, and hardly time for self, and my poor sore nipples, I was happy. Happy that breastfeeding is working and happy to say goodbye to formula. Stupid me. She was probably trying but not getting much or any. Damn. Why can't my baby gain weight? Why can't I breastfeed her properly? Why??? So I am now to breastfeed her for only 40 minutes, and then to finger feed and then to express. I hate expressing as it is painful and as, well I have a little baby to entertain and take care and I can't do it while she's crying or fussy. And expressing now showed me almost no milk going into the bottle. So frustrating.

13 comments:

Tiara said...

Oh Billy, I'm so sorry to hear this so difficult...but don't beat yourself up. I've heard more & more that breastfeeding isn't as easy & natural as we're led to believe.

Paige said...

This all sounds very frustrating and hard to manage everything. Hope baby gains weight soon. Please take care of yourself.

Meg said...

So sorry it's still not going well. You're doing great and I'm sure you'll be over this hard part very soon. Just keep doing what you need to do and it will all work out. Do you have a baby scale? It might help ease your mind if you can weigh her before she nurses and then right after so you know how much she's getting from nursing.

battynurse said...

So sorry that you're having a difficult time. I hope things start to work better for both of you soon.

rachelbk said...

Sometimes as moms, we have to do what's right for our babies, even if it isn't what we planned. Sometimes that means using formula and/or finding the right formula that agrees with your baby. It doesn't mean you're less of a mom. It means you love your baby enough to feed her enough to keep her healthy. You've given breastfeeding a huge effort, and I hope that you're able to keep at it. But if you can't, it's not a sign that there is anything wrong with your mothering. Bonding has nothing to do with your breasts and everything to do with your heart.

hopefulcc said...

I agree with rachelbk. Also, do you have lactation consultants where you live? They are breast feeding experts and may be able to offer you tips and tricks to help you and your little one. Also, staying very, very well hydrated helps milk production. (like so much water you think you're going to float away!)
And if your little one needs to supplement with formula, there are many different types out there, including some that are easier on babies tummies.

Heather said...

Oh Billy, the post you wrote after this one just breaks my heart! It looks like you've disabled the comments on that post, so I'm going to comment here and hope you see it. You have SO many supporters here online, and I know I speak for all of us when I say, you're a wonderful mother and your baby girl is SO lucky to have you! Stalkers suck, and as hard as it probably is, don't listen to what that troll has to say--we all love you and support you completely! You're a wonderful mother, you love your girl to pieces, and you're following your mother's intuition to do what you know is best for her! Things WILL work out even though they're so hard right now...hang in there! We're all pulling for you!

Paige said...

Yes, I agree with Heather. You're a wonderful mother. I don't know who this "stalker" is but I'd be glad to choke slam him or her for you. Some people don't know when to shut up. You're Birdy is lucky to have a mother like you.

MeAndBaby said...

Hang in there Billy. Nothing you said in that letter is true. Your precious baby girl will fatten up in no time be it from the breast or from the bottle. And the laughter and joy she brings you will outshine the nonsense you might hear from others. Don't forget that.

Miss X said...

I'm so sorry you have a stalker. You really don't need that right now. And, of course, none of it is true. You and your girl will be fine. I look forward to reading more about your adventure. Life just isn't always perfect and sometimes things don't go the way we want them to.

Anonymous said...

Whoever would say mean things to you at a vulnerable time like this is just EVIL! Your baby has a thoughful, caring, wonderful mother. The newborn period is never easy and it sounds like you have had some circumstances that have made it even harder. Hang in there and reach out for help if you need to! Your internet friends are here for you!

Former Lurker,

Anya

caitsmom said...

Just stopped by to send some (((hugs))). Hang in there.

FruitFish said...

Sorry bf isn't going quite the way you had imagined it, but I applaud how hard you are working at it.
And I agree with the other ladies on what they have commented.