O.K, the good news is that little girl has reached the target! She is now back to her birth weight :-). The less good news.. am I overfeeding her?? In the last few days she is so restless during the day, doesn't sleep at all and seems struggling, very uncomfortanle. Nurse at child development said these are probably growth pains. Urg, didn't know they have that at this age, but with all the extra feeding, it does sound logical. And well, probably wrong to call it extra feeding, more that before I might have under-fed. See, I'm now supplementing each feed with formula. She first eats at my breasts (more should I say chews and hurts. Does it ever become the enjoyable mother child moment??), and then I give her formula through a tube (so that not to give her a bottle whose nipple is easier to manage). And then, technically I pump [to increas milk flow and to supplemt meals with my milk and not a cow's product, though that has not yet happened], excpet too many times I don't (like when she is restless all day and I really don't have time for it, or when I just put it off for this feed). Problem is I really hardly have any milk and she is probably getting the majority of her nutrition from the formula. And oh, I so want to do breastfeeding. I want to give my child the best, which I do believe is breast milk. I want to be able to go with her to wherever and not worry about bottles and sterlizing and bringing the powder and water etc, just me my girl and my boobs. And the bonding. (truth right now it more hurts and I am mostly way too tired for anything). But I don't have enough milk. Obviously she can't live on my breasts alone and right now I need to supplement and I'm doing that because more than all it's important she gains weight. But I really do hope the flow will come. Nurse at child development hinted how soon I might concider giving up the breasts. Oh, please don't say that to me, please don't tell me I'm failing at this very natural procedure. I didn't have the natural birth I so dreamt (and read and learned and prepared myslef for), and now I can't do this!?
[and I really should wake her up now for a feed, but how do you wake a peacfully sleeping baby when you know what will come next???]