Friday, 17 July 2009

Names

More than two years ago, perhaps closing on three, I had chosen my kids' names - a name for a boy and a name for a girl. Years before that I used to play around with names I would call my children, names that I loved, but that came and went as I said that I would have to see child first before actually giving her/him a name. But somehow.. with these two names.. I knew at that instance that they were here to stay (though I am still reserving the right to change my mind once, tfu tfu tfu, I get to see my little one/s). And sometimes I am almost bursting with this "secret" of mine. My sisters do know my boy's name, as it was given quite recently to a relative's new-born son and I was so disappointed that my name was "stolen". But still my two names are my inner treasure and I would so love the day to come when it would be everyone's knowledge.

And yesterday I asked my mother if there were any names she would really rather me not give my child (not that I suspect any problem with my chosen names), well not really. She then asked if I prefer long or short names (long!) to which she asked about the name Yonatan [=Jonathan in Hebrew], and yes I l-o-v-e that name (though it is not my chosen name :-D). She then asked if I will always call child by the long name. Honestly, I really don't know how I will call him or her, but I do find it funny that kids with short names tend to have long nick-names and those with long names - shortened nick-names.. We continued talking a bit about names in the family, well her side of the family to be exact. Which got me thinking.

When I proclaimed those two names, I also declared (to myself..) that I don't want my child to have a second name. Second names aren't common here, and there was something about always having to explain the issue of a second name. I do love both my first and second names, and I am happy these are my names, wouldn't trade them for the world, but still, my second name made me a bit different from the others.
Not to mention the second names my father* would like a son of mine to have - first set of names: one I really dislike so no way my child will be getting that name, the other... I rather not say why not, but again - no. Now he has a new set of names where again one name I completely dislike and the other will be just too weird, though I do kind of like it (as a second name, that is), it just doesn't fit with the first name [o.k will disclose that both are biblical names, one is a father the other his son, and that feels too weird and wrong for me). So I was all about not giving my child a second name.

But I think after that conversation I had a change of heart. I think I do want to give my child a second name (and if I have a boy would have to tell my father no to his suggested names..). I even chose them (well actually it was vice versa - thinking of these names got me thinking that yes, I want my child to have a second name. My child anyway will be different on so many levels, so what's a name :-)). And I love these second names I chose (actually have to admit that with the girl I am less certain how well it sounds, but I think it's o.k.), I love the fact that (in one case together with first name) both the boy's names and the girl's connect to both my father's side and my mother's. If my child has nothing from his/her paternal side, let her/him at least have a strong connection to my family from both my sides!

* Not that he has yet asked me, but he did for all his grandsons and I do know him.. I do hope and believe he will be happy with my choice.

13 comments:

sarahwho said...

Funny, my mom and I have been talking about names a lot. She brings it up much more often than I do. :)

Just two days ago, we had a funny (haha-funny) conversation about my boy's name. I've decided to name a boy after my little brother, because he has a less popular name, and because we are very close.

In the states, the middle name is very popular, and we were "arguing" about syllables within the names! My mother and best friend (who is constantly e-mailing me with name sets!) both think that because the first name (for the boy) is one syllable, the middle name should be two or more syllables. I reminded them that my last name is short. I don't want a name like mine--it's a mouthful! Short first, looong middle, short last...

Not sure if you experience this, too, but my mom and I both see a little girl, and those are the names we toss around the most. :)

I also don't toss around my top name picks, aside from what I talk about with my mom and best friend. In fact, years ago, I'd chosen "Jackson" as my top boy name, and my best friend ended up using it (which was OK, because I wasn't anywhere near having a baby). Her little one definitely is suited to the name, and I wouldn't use it now if she hadn't.

Sorry this comment is so long. I just completely relate. :)

Dora said...

I think one of the best things about being an SMC is that you don't need anyone's approval for names. My girl's name is one that my ex-boyfriend vetoed when we were discussing having children together. As for my family, it would be nice if they liked my choices, but honestly, I really don't care. While I may tell some people, I will not tell my family my name choices before the baby is born. I really don't want to hear their opinion, and most people will keep any negative opinions to themselves once the baby is here.

As for second names, we call them "middle" names, and it's very rare not to have one here. My kid will have 2 middle names. Unusual, but not terribly uncommon. In general, those names are only used on documents, and not in day to day life.

When's your beta, girl?

Billy said...

Next Sunday :-)

Asking my mum.. I really didn't believe that out of all of the names in the world she would pick my names and say no to them , lol. But if she would have, then depending on her reason I would see what I'd do.

About telling and when.. Not sure when I want to tell. Definitely not before I am very much pregnant, but don't know if I'll wait till birth or not.

----

Different cultures different ways..
Yes here second or middle (is "second name" the British way then?)names aren't poplar, and yes my second name is only on paper, but still..
And talking of differences of cultures - here it is not customary to name someone after a person who is still living, naming after is only after the deceased. So when I read what you said Sarah about naming your son after your younger brother, my initial response was - how sad she had lost her little brother. Yes, I realize now he is alive and well (and may he live a long and fulfilled life!), but it took me a few seconds (helped that next sentence was about you both being [present tense] very close). As I said, different cultures..

battynurse said...

Interesting how different things can be in all aspects with different cultures. Your culture doesn't use second names much and here we use second and sometimes third names. I agree completely with Dora. I love not having to approve my name choices with anyone else or having to take someone elses preferences into consideration.

Dora said...

Naming customs are interesting. I find it interesting that many people don't realize that it is Jewish tradition not to name a baby for someone who is alive (although I recently found out that Sephardic Jews do). I usually ask them if they've ever met a Jewish "junior." I just couldn't do it. Too weird to me.

Jess said...

I think it's best to wait on telling the name your going to give your child. My mom doesn't like some of the names I have picked out too. Will you be testing early or just waiting until your beta? I cant wait to read about your BFP next week.! :)

My Endo Journey said...

I LOVE thinking about names! :) Boy's names are SO much harder for me!

Lavender Luz said...

I grew up without a middle name, a fact about me I liked.

When I got married, my maiden name became my middle. And, since my parents had only girls and no boys, it became a way to tie us all to our family of origin and carry on the family name in some way.

I always enjoyed considering names. Can't wait for your reveal.

Lorza said...

Interesting post. My husband doesn't have a middle name...people really get confused by that sometimes. I would like to have some family names..but if I ever have more than one girl I am SCRREEEEWED! Other than Lynda..there is only Maude, Florena, Alma, etc. blah.

FET Accompli said...

I am pretty obsessed with names (bought tons of baby name books) - and am pretty sure I have the perfect girl's and boy's name lined up. I completely understand about wanting to keep the names private.

ICLW

becomingwhole said...

Tagged you on my blog! :)

MAJ Bryen said...

I have a conundrum. The relatives who I am naming after have difficult name letters. I'm not sure what I want to do. I think I might wait until I see the baby

christopher said...

Names have been something my wife and I have been discussing a lot lately. I had lots of girls names in my head, but then we found out we're having a boy.
We did decide that when we do figure out, we aren't going to tell people until he is born. And we'll have two names picked out in case he just doesn't suit the first.
~ICLW