Sunday, 13 June 2010

Feeling stressed about who will be with me in the delivery room. Sister #1 was the one I asked originally, the one I wanted to be with me and the one I was counting on. I did at some point ask sister #3 to be a backup, but more for the length of the birth than sister #1 not making it at all.
And so today at this family gathering I mention how this week... and she goes on about what a busy week she has. I kind of feel a bit guilty about it, but understand that whatever she will still be there for me. But then she mentions something about not 100% she will be able to, that if it falls on (I am really not sure what it was, I was too shocked to ask or even to want to ask what and when) that she won't be able to. I was/am so disappointed. I mean I didn't ask her yesterday, she knew all along I'm counting on her, and it's not like it's up to me when baby comes. I really never saw that coming, and at the last minute at that! Only the other day I heard this story about how sister #3 planned a weekend away and asked #1 if she could look after the kids who said (with reference to the date) no problem. So #3 booked a place. Only then did #1 say it was not convenient for her (some trip or something popped up). Urg!

So now I don't know if she can be there, or truth be told if I even want her. And I will say that she hasn't come to sit with me, going over what and how at birth, at how she can assist me. I did send her my birth plan because it was important for me that she should know, but if I wouldn't have...

And again trying to think what are my options.
Do I ask sister #3? I did want her origianlly as a backup, but as I mentioned not long ago, I can't really have her as I can't trust she will know to look out for my interests regarding treatment for baby after birth (because if she doesn't think we have a right to ask such things [like no bathing], how can she she demand such care!?).
Do I just leave it just me and the doula?? A woman I don't really know (hoping it will be her and not the backup I asked for in case she can't make it. Because at least I know her, haven't even met the backup)? Do I want to be in my most intimate, most meaningful moment in my life with people who are nothing more than strangers?
Which leads me to thinking again of my mother. She has been there so much for me, helping me in so many ways in these last weeks to get things organized. Without her, who knows where I'd be regarding preparing house for baby. But while I know (or at least hope..) she will be honoured, I myself am not too thrilled of having her there with me. But I do know a mother is a mother, and that if I ask her, she will come with me whatever she has, and I do trust her to follow treatment I request for baby (I remember from my childhood how she made a big fuss about wearing a gown while having an x-ray, so I do know she understands how we patients have rights and we can request things). So I'm going to bed (or not going to bed) wondering who and what will be there with me.


Besides that sudden stress, I am also beginning to be somewhat stressed about baby's arrival. All along my pregnancy I told her how nice it would be if she is born on this Monday (date wise), but how I totally understood if not. And the days going by, and she is not yet born, and I am thinking how she really is listening to me... But now I am starting to worry if she is too long in the womb and if it's not good for her (I hear the phrase about the aging of the placenta only too often..). And if she is not born by Monday (which will be exactly 2 weeks passed the EDD), I will have to go and have this extra monitoring (or whatever you call it in English, the one you should be going to if due date comes but baby doesn't). I don't want to go mainly because I do not want to know her weight, not before she is born (and by me not knowing I mean that no-one will know..). I really feel strongly about this, but I doubt if that's a possibility, if I can have her monitored and (at my advanced week) not have her weight checked.

I think that in the last few evenings I am feeling her much more. When I mentioned this today at the family gathering, I was told it can't be, that on the contrary in the last stages of pregnancy they have less room so they are felt less. But I know what I'm feeling, and I am positive she is readying herself for the great day. So please girl, lets start things rolling! I don't know who will be with me, and truth is I am very disappointed and stressed over it (and feeling how as much as family are there for you and care for you and all, how they can't always be trusted, so it is just us two in this world), but don't let that concern you! Everything will work out o.k, you just come! And yes girl, I am eager to finally see you face to face, so please!

12 comments:

rachelbk said...

I am amazed that you're still pregnant. If you don't feel confident about someone being with you, I wouldn't want that person there.
I didn't let anyone come into the L&D room when I had Farty because I had the mindset that I had gone into being his mother alone, against the preferences of my family, so I wanted to be the only one welcoming him into the world. They got to meet him when I was ready.

Shannon said...

You should have who ever you need with you in the room - and shouldn't your doula be the one who stands up for what you want and don't want? I can't believe sister #1 is flaking out on you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this now, right before your baby comes.

Oh, and does it help any to know that when they measure the baby's weight, it's a very inaccurate - it can be off as much as a couple of kgs. I don't know if that helps, but maybe it will.

Keep us posted!

Wishing 4 One said...

Oh I am so getting excited for you girl! I hope that whoever it is, and is available, that you want to be with you will be. Its such an important moment, you should be comfortable and happy with who will share it with you. I hope it gets worked out and soon because I know your girl is on her way. Thinking of you. xoxo

Meg said...

I'm sorry your sisters are flaking out on you. You seem to be most stressed over the ideathat the person with you will stand up and demand that your wishes be followed. Perhaps your mother is truly the best person for the job. I hope baby girl decides to make her appearance before the extra monitoring kicks in!

Paige said...

Your sisters should realize that the arrival of a niece is a once in a lifetime event and should be honored to be there. They need to get it together....leave them out if they don't.

That baby is certainly taking her sweet time picking the perfect moment to arrive. Can't wait to "meet" her.

Jackie said...

I am sad for you after reading this -- I think mostly b/c I can relate so much about the family stuff and the 'two of you against the world' statement.

My .02 is to call your doula and ask to meet with her and also ask to meet the back up just in case the back-up will be there. This will allow you to review the birth plan and you can also tell them that you would like to rely on them regarding your birth plan b/c you are not so sure any family member would be strong enough to do so.

I personally like the idea of your mother sharing this special time with you. I am sure she would be honored.

Hope you were able to gain some clarity after some rest. Take deep breaths and think happy thoughts :) So many are pulling for you and your girl!!

Miss X said...

I can't believe you are nearly 2 weeks past your due date! I was 2 weeks late (being born). My poor mother thought she was going to be pregnant forever.

It sounds like your Doula should and will be your advocate. Can you meet her back-up?

It's up to you, of course, but maybe you need to decide between sis #3 and mom. It may not be so bad to have your mom there, especially since she's been so supportive of you thus far.

FruitFish said...

I'm so sorry that you have to be going through this added stress at the end of your pregnancy. Especially something that you thought was planned and prepared to go.
My sister had to have my niece checked out a week before her due date (before complications would start for her) and they guesstimated her at a pound more than she was. A friends baby was guesstimated at two pounds more than the baby actually weighed! But I do understand not wanting to know anyway.
Who knows maybe she's just waiting for midnight Monday morning to get things going. Already trying to make her mama happy--what a sweet girl ;)
I hope that things are figured out, and even if they aren't, so that things will just work out the way you envision/want them to when it comes to the actual birth!

Navigating The Rapids said...

I'm so sorry you aren't getting the support you need. I hope you find someone that you are comfortable with and it seems like your mom would be a good advocate for you. Wishing you a smooth delivery.

Tiara said...

Oh, Billy...I am so sorry your sister has let you down...and so close to the birth! The last thing you need right now is this stress & disappointment...hopefully baby girl shows her pretty face soon!

battynurse said...

I'm sorry that your sister doesn't seem to understand how important this is and that it was something very large in you asking her in the first place. I hope you are able to come to a decision that works for you and that you feel comfortable with when it comes to who is in the room with you. Hope little girl decides to show up soon.

Genkicat said...

Have you had your baby yet? I can't wait to hear!

I hope you work things out with your sister and mother. Although my Mom was with me when Rhian was born, I expected my doula to make sure my wishes were followed. I'd talk with your doula more to make sure she will be your advocate with your caregivers.

All the best, and I can't wait to hear how you and baby are doing.