Monday, 21 June 2010

Normalcy ?? When!

Want to be a normal new mother after birth, without all these running around and with me being fit and able (one of the reasons I wanted a natural, medicineless birth [I think I wrote most of the birth story, will hopefully post it later on], was to be able to function as fully as one can after birth. And I can't. I can't walk or stand too long, or do this walking while "bouncing" up and down in a way that calms a baby. Sitting is much easier, but still not every surface and not for too long. And I won't talk now about the fun of going to the toilet (though will mention that things are getting better down there).
And I want to have my child not loose too much weight [was told it really is borderline] and not to have to give her antibiotics or worse have an IV infusion for her antibiotics at the nursery or have her stubbed three times a day (again at the nursery. thank god that' over) to check sugar levels [because suddenly I am concidered GD] or to have to take her, a five day old little baby, to the children's ER because her TSH levels are borderline high (oh, that was one stupid unnecessary trip, and not at all fun. First a nurse looks at her and asks me all these questions, some completly unrelevant like if she got her vaccinations [namely the Hep B] and why not. I do have a very restless crying very very young baby. Can't we skip protocol?? And then an intern asked all those questions and more, and it was drugging on and on.
Now both these ladies were very nice,and I am sure I would like them dealing with an injured child of mine if ever I had to, and I on the other hand am way too hormonal, but still, being asked the same questions again is pointless [and each time answers were filled into the computer], and all those questions... please! I was then seen by a doctor who finally was short and to the point. Seems there really wasn't any reason to send me to the ER (as the TSH should be monitered, but doesn't have to be done there) but if I already came, to come again on Wed morning to have the tests done. Hope it won't be such a long story like today).
And want to be just me and baby, and not have everyone's while very good intention, advice and "knowledge". Don't want my sister asking when her last feed was, or my mother informing her we are heading to the ER. When I got angry about it with her, she starts saying how it is my sister's right to know. URG! What about my right to do things without the whole world's nose? And I'm not talking about not letting her know, it was just the timing, not when we are about to leave, not before. If you want to later tell her how your day infolded and that was part of it, so be it, but not before. Hope you understand what I mean. I am not against my sisters knowing, but they are not this big council that has to be part of whatever decision is to be made. And they are very helpful and all and I am probably very lucky, but what about me wanting to just be a new mother without all this. To bring home a healthy baby, to complain about those sleepless nigths, to have people care and lend a helping hand and all but to also feel like I am the mother. Yes hormonal.

P.S
Not on my compouter and no spell check..

P.S.S
Slowly slowly am trying to catch up on my reading, and it probably will take some time (I am not the person to just hit - read all - on my reader), so sorry about that..

13 comments:

rachelbk said...

I asked myself the same questions when I had my son and he ended up having emergency surgery followed by a 2 week NICU stay at a hospital 3 hours from home. I just wanted to be a normal, new mom, tired but not in a constant state of panic.
I am sending hugs your way, and hope that things start to even out for you very soon.

Paige said...

Yikes...sounds a little overwhelming. Hope things calm down very soon and you can enjoy being the great mom you are. Hugs to you and Birdy too.

Billy said...

Proportions :-(. Fortunatly my child is not in an emergancy condition or anything near. Thanks.

Meg said...

Sorry things are so overwhelming right now and that recovery isn't going as quickly as you wanted. I hope things settle down and you get to just enjoy your girl. The only advice I have for dealing with family is to take lots of deep deep breaths.

Those hormones really are killer in the first few weeks but they eventually even out

Miss X said...

Aww, sounds like you've had a rough beginning. :( At least you have your beautiful, healthy girl!

Looking forward to hearing the birth story and seeing more pics of the girl.

Tiara said...

Oh, Billy...I'm sorry to hear things aren't going smoothly...I'm glad Baby Girl isn't in any emegency...I hope it all gets better soon. Big Hugs!

Jellybean Mama said...

I don't understand why it has to be so hard the first few weeks. All you want to do is be the mother you always wanted to be, and there are always so many reasons you can't (hormones, family, pain, sleeplessness, feeding, etc.).

Just remember to do what is best for you and baby, and CONGRATS!!! You're a MOM! Everything is going to be ok. Things will settle down, you'll start to feel like yourself again, you'll get in the 'rhythm' of motherhood, and you won't feel like you're losing your mind (as much, at least). Hang in there.

MommieV said...

I didn't have the birth I wanted (I had a c-section) and there was quite a bit of physical recovery from that as well. I was staying with my mom and didn't feel totally free to parent my new baby the way I wanted to.

There were some things I had to let go of (that it was ok that I didn't do labor and delivery the way that I had wanted.) and that was hard for me with ongoing blood pressure issues and out of control hormones.

Can you set some parameters for your mom about how you would like her to keep your family informed? Maybe she's doing what she thinks is best, but with some guidance from you she can do it a different way?

Your girl is so beautiful, I can totally understand why you feel like you want the whole world to go away so you can enjoy being her mom. You'll get there!

Dora said...

Unfortunately, people poking their noses in your business when you have a newborn is normalcy. It's really maddening (particularly when recovering and hormonal), but not the slightest bit unusual. Deep breaths are a good idea. Even without the extra issues, the first few weeks are incredibly overwhelming. My other suggestion is to just drink in her deliciousness during quiet moments. Sniff her sweet baby smell. Stroke her soft hair and silky skin. Examine each little finger and toe. She is your personal miracle. Nothing can change that.

Oh, Sunshine also was borderline with too much weight loss after birth. She caught up very quickly and is now quite chubby.

DRMOMOFTWO said...

You're doing great, Billy! Yes, it takes awhile to recuperate from the birth...give your body some time to do that. I know it's hard with a newborn, everything takes a little longer, now, but you WILL feel better soon.

Hope your little girl is okay! Trips to the ER are very scary at this point! Okay, they are always scary, but especially so with a newborn.

And, don't worry about being hormonal. I remember a friend of mine calling me a couple weeks after I had given birth and all I could do was cry...cries of happiness, but lots of crying nonetheless. She told me that I have to get over it soon or see the doctor. WTF? Everyone else needs to get over it and understand that you will get over it in good time, and that it's perfectly natural to be this way right now!

Hang in there. We're all here for you!

hopeful said...

Congratulations Billy! I know the first week has not gone according to plan, but it will get better, especially as you start to feel better.

Please keep us posted and know we're here for you whenever you need to vent your frustrations!
Big hug-

battynurse said...

Hang in there momma! I hope things start to move a bit smoother soon.

gwinne said...

Congratulations on your daughter's birth! I hope your path gets smoother soon.