Butterfly's Birthday

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Saturday, 11 October 2008

My nephew had his Bar-Mitzvah today, and was I there celebrating with him? No! Do I not like this kid who used to call me mummy?? Of course I love him, he's a real great guy! Unfortunately his father isn't. His father finds every opportunity to make my sister's life (the boy's mum) miserable. He is one of the reasons I chose going the sperm donor route rather than trying to conceive via a known donor in a shared parenting. I chose anonymous sperm donor because my clock is ticking and how am I going to find this great guy who'll father my kid, me who don't have much experience dating.. But was also driven to this decision seeing how this seemingly great guy turned to be so ugly. Don't want my child to begin life in a state of divorced parents. Who knows, the guy might be lovely in the few dates/meetings before, and then after the child is born his true face might show and the monster in him turn up. The benefits of shared parenting are of course a share of the financial issues and someone else who can take some of the burden. But the price, if I don't fare well, is too high.
Well coming back to this nephew.. We weren't at his Bar-Mitzvah because his father wouldn't have us there. Not his aunts and uncles and grandparents or even his siblings (from sister's second husband). He even wouldn't have my sister, the kid's mum, but the boy insisted. On Wednesday, doing the Yom-Kipur walk, going into one of the shuls, it was somewhat exciting to see his "Parasha" as the next one. A bittersweet excitement as we won't be with him to celebrate. And then last night he "sang" to us his "Parasha" (O.K, so a cantor he won't be..), so we could somewhat be with him.
I would have swallowed all that crap. We are going to go to Jerusalem on Thursday, to the western wall, and have our own celebration of this special occasion, but hearing how this ex treated my sister in the shul... how everybody else got to go up to the Torah (לעלות לתורה) except for her, how he wouldn't let her sit telling her the seats are reserved but then no one special sat there, how he humiliated her in front of her, no their, kid [boy went afterwards to his mother to apologize :-(], what I would really like to do is bite his head off.*

* oh, I actually mean bite his head off. I was googling to find what creature does so (The Black Widow?) when I saw it is actually an idiom..


bleu said...

What a jerk and what a selfish crappy father. The day is about his child and his childs entire future and family and what that man did was all about him and his ego.

Tanya said...

I don't understand people like that. You would think that your nephew would be the important thing in all of this and rather his father is going out of his way to make the day miserable for everyone. I can see how this would affect how you choose to conceive your child.