Butterfly's Birthday

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Saturday, 15 November 2008

I was somewhat ill this week. Nothing serious or anything (on the contrary..), just a little fever and feeling bad. But..... I am never sick! I truly am not. One thing I am so proud of in myself is my strong resilient body, I may be a failure and unsuccessful in many other areas, but not when it comes to my body. And then there are 5 IUI's to show me different. And this fever.. I only know I had a temperature because I'm charting my temps, so maybe in the past I just wasn't aware of actually being ill (just thinking - oh, I don't feel well). And maybe it's the failure of my fifth attempt that brought this fever along, going upper class with hormones. Because I didn't feel at all any symptom this time (and boy, do I look..) and then 2 days before my period my temperature started dropping, and I knew. So maybe this fever was some kind of way for my body to cope (didn't have the chance to ponder about why can't I get pregnant, was too busy not feeling well..).
Anyway, enough said about it, just want to add that I am sorry I hardly read blogs this week (am slowly catching up on them!).

On another note I'll mention that I finally weighed myself. I told myself that the day I get my period (unless it should me in, say - 9 months time. yeaa funny) I will get on the scales. I didn't want to weigh myself because I just knew I put on weight and really didn't want to see a number of 70 or above (7 is my lucky number and so is 70 a great number. Except when it comes to the scales, then it's a horrific number..). Well I was happy to see that I'm less. Still have to loose at least 10-15 kg. to an acceptable weight. And my sister asking (without knowing the above) if I've lost weight.. Gives me an incentive to keep going..

And lastly.. I would like to thank you all for your comments on my last post. It was a vent, as I was angry at my psychologist (and still feel uneasy about our next session..). I don't know why she decided not to tell me, if she had a professional reason or if as a human she didn't know how to do so, or what. But on the overall I am pleased with her, and am not in the mind of finding a new therapist. Not only do I not want to start opening up to a completely new person, but I give her a lot of credit in my trying to become a mother. If not for her, I would probably still be dwelling in the 'I will never ever be a mother' mode. Although I still find it hard to believe, at least now I am taking action.

I love the fact that I don't have to have a title in order to post since I don't always have one (somewhere else I blog you can't post without a title). But sometimes I just forget. I delay thinking of a title until I finish writing the post, but then I hit the publish button forgetting I haven't yet thought of (let alone added) a title, and well, the post has been published.. So once again I forgot to add a title, and well, since I am too lazy to think of one, I'll just leave it as is.


QueenYogi said...

Hope you're feeling better.

Billy said...

I am, thanks :-).